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Secondary education

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Original poster

Headmistress attacks parents in national press

333 replies

UpsetofWestLondon · 30/11/2014 09:15

Done first ever name change for this as don't want to be identifiable!

I am really, really pissed off. The High Mistress of St Paul's Girls' School, where I am a parent, has been widely quoted in the national press this weekend criticising parents at SPGS. I fully realise she may have been quoted out of context, but the quotes seem to apply to all parents at her school and the one that cuts to the quick is where she accuses parents of "affluent neglect" by not paying enough attention to their daughters in the evening.

I should say my DD is very happy at the school, does lots of things well and lots of things not very well but enjoys them so that's great. I adore spending time with her and the only reason I don't spend as much as I would like in the evenings is because of the extraordinary volume of homework she gets set by the school (and obviously the time she needs to spend on Facebook etc!).

I am glad Ms Farr is pro-children, and this is not the first time she has criticised the parent body, but at some point, if you continuously publicly criticise your paying customers surely you have to understand you will upset them? I feel personally attacked and concerned I will be judged by others negatively for being part if this vile parent body she describes. I am cross.

I almost want to post this in AIBU...but am I?

OP posts:
Opopanax · 03/12/2014 22:02

Maybe the SGPS head is trying to get the place more back to what opo had by sweeping the snowploughs aside

Well, that sounds like a good thing. Maybe the OP will be pleasantly surprised.

TheWordFactory · 03/12/2014 22:20

talkin if DD gets her grades at GCSE, then yes, both at Westminster!!!!

She has passed her entrance exams, and been interviewed. But you know, anything could happen next Summer.

I shall be very happy to have them both under one roof. So much easier. And so convenient to our flat in London.

And I'll be frank, it is one of those 5 schools Bonsoir* mentions that will mean we have an easy run during sixth form, in terms of accessing stuff. So that's great.

But if she doesn't get in, then she'll stay where she is, and though it will be less convenient and she'll be pissed off, it's hardly a tragedy.

I'm becoming very aware that soon, they shall both be off to university...

TheWordFactory · 03/12/2014 22:24

Why was it a problem for your two at the same school BTW?

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 22:28

Grin needling. non stop. low level competition, comparison, needling.
Am loving the fact that he now has teachers she never had and she's too tired to care what his homework is Grin

MN164 · 03/12/2014 22:35

So glad that there are posters on this thread that have real experience at SPGS, as a parent or as a student. Their posts seem balanced but consistently positive about the school. They paint a picture that others just don't seem to want to believe or accept - perhaps envy or cognitive dissonance.

It just reinforces my belief in only listening to a student, parent, alumni or teacher when assessing a school. Everything else is prejudiced, envious, politically motivated or straightforward cognitive dissonance.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 22:44

I'm a great believer in listening to parents of pupils but, by definition, they like what the school offers. There may be very good reasons for a school not meeting other prospective parents' expectations and those views are also interesting.

summerends · 03/12/2014 22:49

MN nobody could deny that a school like SPGS or Westminster will always attract high quality teachers who care about their subjects and the eclectic interests of their pupils. However a lot of the girls will drive themselves hard and that may be compounded by the alpha tendencies of the parents who make their DCs their surrogate career.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 22:57

summerends - there you go again: "surrogate career", implying that snowplough parenting is the preserve of SAHMs.

Not only has CF not once been reported to have made that suggestion, but the plentiful research into UMC adolescent mental health disorders clearly identifies dual-career families as the major driver.

summerends · 03/12/2014 23:00

Bonsoir are you being a tiny bit defensive. I did n't mention SAHMs at SPGS, another poster did. There are a lot of non working mothers whose prime focus is not to push their DCs to be high achievers.

rabbitstew · 03/12/2014 23:04

I loved the school I went to and the interest I got from my teachers. You would only have heard positive things from me. To my surprise, quite a few of my friends didn't love it at all. What's more, some felt their teachers didn't take enough interest in them. The words of a select few parents or pupils from the dim and distant past may help reinforce your prejudices, but unless you get a colossal vote the other way, they are not really going to change the opinion you had formed before you even started communicating with them.

At least the High Mistress has, or certainly ought to have, met all the parents at her school, and will know all sorts of things about them and their children that those people wouldn't admit to a stranger asking them whether they like St Paul's. That's why so many parents are, apparently, upset by the publicity in the newspapers - because the High Mistress actually knows them and has said that many of them are deeply flawed parents.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 23:05

I'm not being defensive: I'm pointing out that you are making false insinuations that are not supported by any evidence.

rabbitstew · 03/12/2014 23:06

ps that's addressed to MN164.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 23:11

I agree, rabbitstew.

The former proprietor of DD's school has left an unfortunate quotation about the skirt lengths of some mothers (and their example for their daughters) in cyberspace. It is never good to publicly shame parents for their parenting when you are a head and it makes you very vulnerable to loss of respect and retaliation.

rabbitstew · 03/12/2014 23:18

This doesn't stop the fact that I will form my own opinions about people as individuals from the way they behave in real life, not from some silly newspaper article. So long as particular parents weren't named and shamed, who am I to say which of them are "snowploughs"? Grin

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 23:30

I will form my own opinions about people as individuals from the way they behave in real life, not from some silly newspaper article

Good idea. Me too.

granolamuncher · 03/12/2014 23:37

Here's the latest post about Ms Farr on Rate My Teacher:

"Numerous teachers have disappeared under her reign. Often these were the best teachers; the ones who actually knew all the students by name; the ones who cared. Meanwhile miss farr could probably name at most 20 people in our school. "

Perhaps it's rubbish but there are quite a few other posts in similar vein on there.

Original poster
UpsetofWestLondon · 03/12/2014 23:38

I'm voting for rabbit's little snowmen too.

I thought I should get the data on homework rather than just my throwaway comment about 2-3 hours a night. In fact my DD does have in total 10 hours 30 mins of homework scheduled, though the way it falls out she has two nights with less than two hours and three with over two hours. It takes the time and more - especially if there is GCSE coursework or an essay to write. I regularly decide I have had enough of how long it takes her and make her do it downstairs for a few nights and she does find then that she can get through it faster without all the side interruptions she allows herself in her room! But I haven't complained about the homework as I reckon, as many people have described, that I signed up for the school and its approach and need to let them get on with the job in the way they think best. I have only intervened in the past when I saw something going badly wrong and thought it needed bringing to management attention. Otherwise I just mutter to myself occasionally!

At SPGS they do 11 GCSEs so get free choice of 4 subjects. Many do art, music or drama but you don't have to study them academically to be hugely engaged in them at school. My DD has probably spent at least as much time each week on drama and music at school as she has on her academic subjects - it truly is still like opo recalls.

OP posts:
granolamuncher · 03/12/2014 23:44

It's good to hear the school's still like opo recalls, OP. Ignore my last post, which crossed with yours! I'm sure you're a more reliable source of info than the notorious RMT.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 23:45

Upset - would you mind posting how many teaching hours your DD has per week?

10h30 of homework certainly doesn't sound excessive but of course if she has 35 h of lessons the overall volume is high.

MillyMollyMama · 03/12/2014 23:52

Having known MS Farr at her previous school, I can tell you, she taught all the girls in year 7 and definitely knew the vast majority of girls in the school. She was a regular visitor in the boarding houses, attended everything, (sport, music, drama, house events, suppers, chapel, parents' evenings, and much more) and talked to the girls, regularly. I doubt very much that she does not have a similar personal involvement at St Pauls. I bet she does know the girls!

New Head teachers tend to want new staff in areas they think need improvement. Some people will agree and others will not. Some teachers want to move and challenge themselves elsewhere. This is utterly normal and staff turnover, unless absolutely stratospheric, is not a problem. It can be very healthy.

MN164 · 03/12/2014 23:54

Perhaps SPGS should take the lead in their admissions policy and their bursary funding.

Why not split admissions into 3 groups, all of which will be able to meet the academic standards given the oversubscribed status.

1 A third of intake from state primaries with full bursaries (all costs) for low/no income parents

2 A third of intake on 50% or more bursaries with valuable professions or middle incomes (teachers , doctors, nurses , welfare workers, etc)

3 £30k+ a year fees for everyone else to subsidise the bursaries above.

That would limit the snowploughs to a third of intake and bring back the sort of parents that could add to the ethos of the school along with students that deserve a unique springboard in life.

It would win huge support and be leading the way as a "tax the new elite to teach the poor and middle classes policy." (Robin Hood bursaries)

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 23:57

You would find that the wealthy parents would move to another school and where would that leave you?

Opopanax · 04/12/2014 00:04

Actually, I believe both St Paul's schools have stated their intention to aim for needs blind admission asap. They want to educate the brightest and best, not the wealthiest.

Bonsoir · 04/12/2014 00:07

Sure, but you cannot do that by charging pro rated fees - it's too crude to segment your pupils into "poor" "middling" and "rich suckers who deserve extra tax". Schools have to be more subtle to make these things palatable.

granolamuncher · 04/12/2014 00:14

MN 164 Who's going to judge what a "valuable profession" is and how? You risk getting plenty of "formerly wealthy" amongst your 2nd group, as well as parents who are clever with their accounting.

What these schools need to do is take a reality check and start cutting some costs. For a start, what's with these seminar size classes? Make them a little bit bigger and they could save quite a bit.

The fees just need to get back down to affordable levels. As they stand at the moment, they're a death knell for these schools. While journalists, civil servants, MPs and other opinion formers can no longer afford them, the abolition of charitable status can't be far away.