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Original poster

Headmistress attacks parents in national press

333 replies

UpsetofWestLondon · 30/11/2014 09:15

Done first ever name change for this as don't want to be identifiable!

I am really, really pissed off. The High Mistress of St Paul's Girls' School, where I am a parent, has been widely quoted in the national press this weekend criticising parents at SPGS. I fully realise she may have been quoted out of context, but the quotes seem to apply to all parents at her school and the one that cuts to the quick is where she accuses parents of "affluent neglect" by not paying enough attention to their daughters in the evening.

I should say my DD is very happy at the school, does lots of things well and lots of things not very well but enjoys them so that's great. I adore spending time with her and the only reason I don't spend as much as I would like in the evenings is because of the extraordinary volume of homework she gets set by the school (and obviously the time she needs to spend on Facebook etc!).

I am glad Ms Farr is pro-children, and this is not the first time she has criticised the parent body, but at some point, if you continuously publicly criticise your paying customers surely you have to understand you will upset them? I feel personally attacked and concerned I will be judged by others negatively for being part if this vile parent body she describes. I am cross.

I almost want to post this in AIBU...but am I?

OP posts:
Poisonwoodlife · 03/12/2014 20:44

Isn't there an arms race amongst all these schools, day or boarding, on facilities, most have got the theatres, Wycombe Abbeys comes with a lake....... And the sixth formers must get a terrible shock when they leave their carpets, cafes and sofas and find themselves in even the most corporate of the Nottinghams and Exeters and Leeds Hmm, or maybe not given some of the Halls Hmm

Having highlighted the new pastoral breed of Head, don't forget the Business minded predecessors that made sure they had the facilities so that they can focus on competing on the soft and fluffy stuff. One Head retiring just over ten years ago actually said that having focused on the education she was moving over to make way for someone to do the glossy marketing........

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 20:49

Actually, and interestingly, because it's something that state schools might not have to spend tons of money to replicate, the thing that made the most difference to me when I was at SPGS wasn't the facilities (they were nice, obviously, though I can't say I made much use of the tennis courts or swimming pool or the athletics field). The thing that made me really love it there was how much encouragement I got to just pursue my own interests and have people to ask about it who actually knew about whatever it was and wanted to encourage me and help me.

I suppose that bit does cost money, thinking about it. If teachers are going to have time to discuss an eleven year old's science fiction novel then they are going to have to be pretty well paid to give up time to read it and bother to give a proper critique of what could be improved, I suppose, unless very dedicated. And they're going to have to not be massively overworked with paperwork and demands from the Dept of Education about what they should be doing and they're going to have to actually have time to read the (crappy) novel. So, sorry, I'm wrong. Yes, it costs money. But the genuine non-judgemental concentrated attention of a knowledgeable, interested and helpful adult who isn't your parent and doesn't have to like your novel but still wants to help you improve it is the thing that money can't buy. Only it can, in this case.

Anyway, that's the thing you are buying, I think. Not fields and theatres.

TheBogQueen · 03/12/2014 20:51

Isn't all the elitist 3hours of homework, failing- is-not-an -option 5A* Oxbridge-guaranteed experience what these parents are paying for?

You just sort of put them in one end and the finished article comes out the other end. You feel you have git what you paid for.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 20:56

Some parents think that getting their DC into a high-performing high-status school is an end in itself and the school will then do all the work while the parent writes a hefty cheque and claps at shows and matches and collects a DC with 5A* and a great destination university place. It might work for some...

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 21:03

Do schools like SGPS and NLCS actually allow the girls to be individual?
for example one of the girls at DDs college who came from a highly selective boarding school chose the college because she wanted to do all language A levels.
THe school could / would not cater.

NLCS gels all appear to do 10 GCSEs :
Eng, Eng, Maths, Phys, Chem, Bio, Geoh, His, MFL, Latin
where do art, music, drama, other MFL
and the pleasures in life fit in?

Toomanyhouseguests · 03/12/2014 21:08

I'd be willing to pay for what Opopanix describes, if I had the money. I don't, but, if I did, I couldn't think of anything more worthwhile. It's the real nut. The rest is fluff.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 21:17

SPGS is quite right not to allow all language A-levels - that would not be an appropriate 16-18 path for anyone (and I did Latin + 3 MFL at 18 and took up a new MFL at university).

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 21:18

that would not be an appropriate 16-18 path for anyone
Why not?

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 21:19

I was very definitely allowed to be an individual. I can't say what it's like now but being an individual was very definitely what my particular parents were paying for and what I appreciated. Re choices and options, I suppose it can be harder to cater for an unusual set of choices in a small school. SPGS had difficulty in catering for me when I wanted to do Maths, Physics, Chemistry and French. The timetable was very tricky with only 100 girls to sort out - so it was hard to let me do French when obviously most people doing French weren't doing science subjects. They solved it by giving me individual sessions with a French teacher. I didn't get to go to most of the regular French classes but I definitely got the teaching I needed to do the A Level. Our O Levels were certainly fairly prescribed. We had to do Maths, two Englishes, French, Physics, Chemistry and Latin but we got a reasonable choice for the other three or four. I did 12 in the end including AO Levels in a couple of subjects, so ten subjects and 12 qualifications.

My mum was a teacher, and a good one. She taught at state schools all her working life and also at a borstal at one point. She would never have sent me to a school that wanted to give me three hours homework a night and turn me out the other end with a load of stellar grades. She wanted me to love learning and learn stuff I was interested in, and she chose a school that allowed me to do that and more. I don't know. Perhaps things have changed since my day. In my day we were given a lot of autonomy to be independent and avid learners. TBH, the girls I know who are at SPGS now don't seem to be having a radically different experience, though I haven't talked to them about it in any great depth. Maybe I should!

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 21:19

Sorry - just reread your post and saw it was another school that disallowed all MFL.

horsemadmom · 03/12/2014 21:20

TalkingPeace- It's about the least 'gels' school of the lot. Very multi-cultural and a VERY high proportion of 'first time buyers'. Girls do 9 or 10 GCSEs. Maths, 3 sciences, English (Lang and AS Lit) and an MFL. They choose between History and Geography or do both and can do more languages. Very few opt not to do art, music or drama at GCSE. They all do lots of extra curricular activities and my DD was never short of social life and time on FB, watching trashy TV and snapchat.
I can see what CF was talking about. I've noticed a real change between DD1 and DD2's cohort. DD1's yr, the parents were very laid back and hands off. They trusted the school to do its job. DD2's year has some of the most hideous helicoptering parents. Just horrifying!

savvyblanc · 03/12/2014 21:20

@upset west
dd also at Spgs and I admit I did feel indignant when I read the article, moreso because it just does not accurately reflect my experience with the school. Parents I have encountered have a seemingly healthy attitude and commitment towards school life/ community. There is always going to be the pushy/ angst ridden/ child must be top parent in any school.
We did receive a letter explaining the incident with an open invitation to direct questions to her so in fairness if you need her to expand you could always ask her directly.
Horsemadmum - no grades are given for homework/ assignments, only teachers comments/observations so that the focus is on individual improvement.
Probably needs a new PR team now!

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 21:22

I can't afford it either, Toomanyhouseguests! I wish I could afford it for my daughter. There were certainly downsides, but that kind of attention is pure gold.

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 21:25

horsemad
Girls do 9 or 10 GCSEs. Maths, 3 sciences, English (Lang and AS Lit) and an MFL. They choose between History and Geography or do both and can do more languages. Very few opt not to do art, music or drama at GCSE.

Your numbers do not add up
English Lang ~ English Lit ~ Maths ~ MFL ~ Phys ~ Chem ~ Bio
7 gone
two to go
Hist ~ Geog
Art ~ Music
that's 10
so where do the extras fit in?
like Latin?

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 21:33

Because it would be a very incomplete education at so early a stage. Languages are great but do not suffice.

TheWordFactory · 03/12/2014 21:41

talkin both music and drama are thriving at NLC.

Dd considered it for sixth form and we visited both departments ( I can't speak for art but given their history, I'd be surprised if art didn't feature ).

Have you been recently?

TheWordFactory · 03/12/2014 21:43

All languages at A level would mean a very limited future for that student.

I'm surprised the school are cool with that!

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 21:45

Bonsoir
Because it would be a very incomplete education at so early a stage. Languages are great but do not suffice.
Surely that depends on the child and their ambitions?

Wordfactory
Nah, I'm a sahf lunnun gel
never darkened the door of NLCS
and not been to SGPS since the 70's
just going by what they said about themselves on their websites Smile

horsemadmom · 03/12/2014 21:46

Sorry, referring to TalkingPeace's comment on NLCS. Science is double award. DD1 did 3 FLs (Latin, Greek and French), history and art. Plenty of time for clubs, societies and BOYS!

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 21:49

I can't see that this is a problem, TalkinPeace. AT GCSE level, it's surely important not to cut your later options down. I would consider nearly all that list to be essential (don't think humanities are essential unless you happen to be interested). I'd want my daughter to do three sciences, two Englishes, Maths and a MFL as a bare minimum. That's 7. Which of those could you sensibly leave out? That still leaves three options for a humanity, Latin, a creative subject. Or two humanities and a creative subject. Or two creative things and another language. Or Latin and a MFL and a humanity or whatever floats someone's boat. Having a limit on the GCSEs you can do doesn't mean you can't also have fun and do interesting things.

I didn't do Music as an option at O Level but still had access to massively high quality music teaching, was a member of the really extremely good orchestra (honestly, we were playing wonderful things, far more challenging than most school orchestras, and playing them well), was a member of the choir which was just amazing and our music director was a real professional conductor so even just being in the choir meant you had access to someone who could give you something really special. We didn't even have drama as an option in my day but I was able to run drama workshops for younger girls, put on my own play (my friend adapted it from a book), take part in other productions, learn how to deal with the lighting board etc. I didn't do art at A Level but the art studios were still open to me to go up and make something or draw something or take part in life drawing workshops or whatever. A friend of mine who was really talented at art produced a whole series of satirical graphic stories about the school and printed and distributed them to the school with the school's blessing. They were really funny and cheeky and brilliant and clever. We obviously had the school newspaper but a girl in my year also started up her own periodical in a kind of Private Eye style with tons of very funny stuff in it. The thing is, if people give you the opportunity to do stuff, you can do what you like. I was mainly writing bad fantasy and science fiction novels. But hey, I enjoyed it. They were rubbish but having people take me seriously gave me the confidence to take my life with both hands and really live it. I don't know if I'd have had the same experiences if I hadn't been to SPGS but I suspect not.

Bonsoir · 03/12/2014 21:49

What kind of meaningful job could you get with 3 MFLs at A-level? Even if you carried on with MFL to university your analytical skills would be very undeveloped versus someone with 2 MFL and an A-level in English/History/RS/Maths.

savvyblanc · 03/12/2014 21:50

@opopanax - you describe it perfectly. FWIW we havent encountered anything but really enthusiastic teachers who have the time to be creative with their teaching. The emphasis on enjoying learning with encouragement to follow your passion, with very little emphasis on grades permeates through all subjects.
Its a great school ...so far , however it does stretch my bank account as much as my daughters mind.

TheWordFactory · 03/12/2014 21:53

talkin NLC is not what you think.

I'd imagined some grey exam factory TBH ( given it's reputation and relatively low fees- these things being relative).

I fact I was impressed.

DD however, has her eyes on Westminster.

TalkinPeace · 03/12/2014 21:59

Wordfactory
Which actually brings us full circle.
The NLCS website is trying to "sell" themselves to a certain type of parents
who have expectations of them that may or may not accord with the absolute blast that people like opopanax talk about having at school.
Maybe the SGPS head is trying to get the place more back to what opo had by sweeping the snowploughs aside Grin

Are your two going to be at Westminster at the same time?
My two will never be at the same school at the same time again. Bliss.

Opopanax · 03/12/2014 22:01

What kind of meaningful job could you get with 3 MFLs at A-level?

Any graduate job, really, once you'd gone and done a degree in one or more of your MFLs. Probably one with an emphasis on communication. Publishing, PR, Marketing, HR, I don't know. I can't see it's that dreadful. MFLs are challenging and require a lot of work. Anyone who has done three to A Level is surely quite a committed person with a good brain and a good work ethic. I can't see how anyone wouldn't want someone like that working for them.