Headmistress attacks parents in national press

[UpsetofWestLondon]

Done first ever name change for this as don't want to be identifiable!

I am really, really pissed off. The High Mistress of St Paul's Girls' School, where I am a parent, has been widely quoted in the national press this weekend criticising parents at SPGS. I fully realise she may have been quoted out of context, but the quotes seem to apply to all parents at her school and the one that cuts to the quick is where she accuses parents of "affluent neglect" by not paying enough attention to their daughters in the evening.

I should say my DD is very happy at the school, does lots of things well and lots of things not very well but enjoys them so that's great. I adore spending time with her and the only reason I don't spend as much as I would like in the evenings is because of the extraordinary volume of homework she gets set by the school (and obviously the time she needs to spend on Facebook etc!).

I am glad Ms Farr is pro-children, and this is not the first time she has criticised the parent body, but at some point, if you continuously publicly criticise your paying customers surely you have to understand you will upset them? I feel personally attacked and concerned I will be judged by others negatively for being part if this vile parent body she describes. I am cross.

I almost want to post this in AIBU...but am I?

Surely 'headmistress' went out of use ages ago? Head-teacher!

She calls herself the High Mistress spgs.org/about/staff/

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

Having been privately educated and with my children now at a state school, I do feel that parents at private schools do seem exert more control than those at state schools. But it's basic economics really, if you are paying a LOT of money for a service you will expect a lot in return, have high expectations and in most cases will not accept second best , the school to some extent realises this. (Obviously a whole other debate but IMO shows the gross inequality between state and private education).

However, whether or not I was paying for my child's education, I would see it to be totally unprofessional and corrosive if the headteacher of my child's school was quoted as publically criticising the parent body of the school. There may be a problem with over zealous parents but that needs to be dealt with within the confines of the school. So YABNU, but god knows how these problems can be overcome when parents will be making many sacrifices in a very competitive environment, the pressure will always be on the pupils to exceed at every level.

apologies BLOODY computer decided to post 3 times grrrrrrrrrrr

5 times, methinks...

Ha, ha - I'll bet they've been trying for years to deal with the problem within the confines of the school!

I would have a suspicion that there has been a change for the worse in the parent body too. We noticed a huge change at our DDs school a few years ago. The parents were just different from the previous parent body. Extreme showing off, very rude and over privileged children who wanted for nothing. Unfortunately schools exacerbate this by giving prizes to the children who raise the most for charity. They don't have to do anything, Daddy just pays up. Job done, prize won. It may well be there is a significant majority of parents who agree with the High Mistress and don't like what they see. She could have the backing of the silent majority! I bet there are not too many scrimpers and savers here but it is still preferable to have a school populated with well adjusted, resilient, and pleasant children.

Removing all obstacle from a child's life doesn't help them. Some things parents can't fix, regardless of the money thrown at the issue.

I have sympathy with the OP: even if Ms Farr's analysis of some parents' parenting style is harsh but correct, the national press is not the right place to berate them, however much she may feel that previous, less public, exhortations to reign themselves in have gone unhindered.

unheeded

It should be noted that she did not utter these remarks in the course of a press interview or write them in an article, it was during a conference where she might reasonably be expected to be discussing matters of school ethos etc with fellow headteachers. The problem was that someone wrote down her remarks and chose to publish them...

On the other hand: what on earth does she expect?

Few places + super-selective entrance requirements + huge influx of super-rich in London = an educational pressure cooker

Some nuts really do require sledgehammers.

This is surely just Clarissa Farr lashing out and having a bit of a Gerald Ratner moment after SPGS was pushed into second place by Wycombe Abbey in the Sunday Times league table last weekend. She says she has learned to cope with "failure", though. Don't take it personally, OP.

Why would she lash out?

She's the very successful headmistress of a very successful school speaking to other headmistresses at a conference. Maybe she's telling the truth about some, note not all, the parents she encounters who believe all obstacles can be cleared out of their children's lives and bugger the rest of the world.

This public worrying by HTs always makes me smile.

The USP of schools like this is excellence. So they hand pick high achieving girls from high achieving families and then worry about the girls expecting to achieve highly.

They set up school life so as to be extremely competitive, then worry about the girls being competitive.

Appearently, they worry about helicopter parenting and affluent negelct. That's quite a feat!

Seriously, save the tears for kids that really need it.

Maybe she could make the school a different and more balanced environment by admitting girls from families who aren't academically competitive in the first place. You know, the sort of girls who probably wouldn't pass the entrance exam at the moment. ;-)

I think CF was spot on in her comments. They weren't intended for publication. I'm sure you SPGS parents will let her know loud and clear about your irritation

SPGS fosters the exact environment that CF is now complaining about. The school is highly selective, the results are generally A*/A - do not be that girl who gets a B or heaven forbid a C, most girls are heavily tutored to pass the 11+, many then continue to be tutored during their time at the school (source: parents at the school), the parents (normally mothers in my experience) work themselves up into a frenzy around now and early Jan about the 11+ entrance. What does CF expect her parent body to be like?!! The requirements of the school at entrance and then ongoing are what's caused it. It is all bonkers.

Agree with WF - save the tears for kids who really need it.

I don't believe for a minute that Ms Farr's comments weren't intended for publication. No doubt she will be replying to this letter from a former headteacher which has been published in today's edition of The Times. What he says chimes with my earlier comment:

"Sir, Clarissa Farr makes no mention of her own school’s responsibility for the kind of pressure which sees students and parents unable to cope with the “failure” of coming second (“Head attacks rich parents”, Nov 29). The briefest glance at the St Paul’s Girls’ School website reinforces the “shame” awaiting if you wreck the school’s evident desire to top the league tables. “For the fourth year running no grade less than a B in 2014”. Woe betide the poor girl who gets the school’s first C grade since 2010. No wonder the parents have a “kind of ticking frenetic anxiety”. The solution is in Ms Farr’s own hands. Looking at her school website, I suspect she has as much difficulty coming second or even third, fourth, or fifth as her pushiest parents.
Dennis Richards
(Former headteacher, St Aidan’s CE High School, Harrogate)
Harrogate, N Yorks"

Bah! Are you going to withdraw your child from the school on the basis of these comments? Will it put off other parents applying? I doubt it.

She did say 'many' rather than all, and most people will assume it doesn't apply to them. If other people assume you're one of these snowplough parents and you're not -- does it matter?

I don't think heads of major independent schools with more applicants than places and long waiting lists think of parents as 'customers' they must avoid upsetting, by the way. They're the ones with the power.