University open days and parents.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Having been to one by herself and one with me (engineering works ruining the train).

We would both love to know,

1. Why everyone seems to take a parent. (And even a very good, but bored sick 8y sibling)

And especially

Why do 16/17/18 year olds sit there letting their parents do the talking!

Elephants clearly your DD is superior to everyone elses children and will be far more successful. I am sure she walked and talked sooner than all your friends children as well.....

Is this some kind of odd, boasting thread, Elephants?

Perhaps other people's dc don't like bounding about like out of control puppies, harassing every random passer by.

Ds has applied for a science degree - most of the dc at open days were fairly quiet. Not exactly surprising for potential scientists.

I don't understand why people don't understand that people are not all the same?

My parents came with me, my choices were all 200+ miles away from home and involved a ferry and very long car journey. If they had been closer to home I may of gone on my own, but it's always useful to have a second pair of eyes and ears as sometimes it is a bit information overload.

During lectures we attended during this Saturday's open day only teenagers asked questions....

I am new to this system as my uni was in a different country so am very curious how everything works and would like to be there for my kids when they want to discuss their future choices. How else can I get any knowledge about unis? Only bt reading MN?

Everyone spots different aspects of visits so is good to have someone with you who is genuinely interested.

No, boasting intended, and certainly no enthusiastic puppy antics. The lecturers and guides were there asking people to ask questions.

I really am genuinely puzzled by modern teens. They are incredibly hard working, but all the concentration on grades seems to have taken the spark out of some of them.

The other girl sitting in our course group let her DM do all the talking. Just seemed a bit odd when she wanted to do a really specific and unusual course she must have thought very hard about. (Her dyed hair, certainly didn't suggest she was usually quiet and shy. She looked like she was normally pretty out going and fun).

It's a long time since I went to university, but not one parent stayed about at open days. I was a kid from deepest darkest Wales and I was happy enough to cross London on her own or get a train to a big city.

One of my DFs lived in a tiny village in the hills without a car. Another DF didn't even have a phone. They still traveled to open days and interviews all over the country, without a quarm. Well bar the dear lad who got on a train going North not South from our tinpot station.

I confess I did cringe a bit when parents asked questions in talks. Specific questions about the course or course structure, not anything particularly parental.

It's not the travelling alone my dd had a problem with, it was the not being able to give a running commentary on whatever she was seeing and thinking

I was as about as rude as you were smug Elephants.

"...but the effect of having parents there did seem to be to hugely reduce the amount of interaction between the guides and the new students. That seemed a pity."

And you saw this how? Because you were there too. So it's alright for you to attend with your daughter but not for others?!

I went to the second one because DD asked me too, the trains had turned into buses and it was complicated.

I confess I was also interested because it's a place I've always wanted to go.

I don't think you can or should ban parents. I'm just surprised that almost a 100% of DCs seem to be accompanied. I'd have thought a few more DCs would want to be independent, by that age.

It was also a pity nothing seemed to be arranged to let the guides and sixth formers mingle minus parents. There was no funding talk etc.

First place she went, was literally next to the station, really really easy for a taste of independence (and vile by car), but she says almost everyone had parents with them.

And no I don't need to visit to see why she hated it. Google maps clearly confirms it's plonked in the middle of the city, right next to a huge road junction.

Right course, wrong (for a very rural girl) location.

I went to one with dd1, but she went to a couple of others by herself. The reason I went that time was that it was a city I'd lived in, and we wanted to make a bit of a road trip of it. I did talk to the tutors a bit, I have to say, but it was mostly because I fancied them. HTH

I'd love DD to apply to my old uni, so I could have a nose at all the new buildings. However, it doesn't do her subject (and it's now RG and asking silly grades. DD1 is dyslexic and straight As is a bit of an ask).

As for tutors, the one DD was chatting to was rather more DHs type.

My son is in lower sixth. Should we be doing open days now? I thought we or he (!) would be doing the rounds this summer?

Because I was shyer than a mole's shy younger sister.

And I wouldn't say boo to a goose.

I got a first from my universiy of choice, the only I visited. Went with my DF, we still speak about the fun we had (semi-swanky hotel, curry the njght before, laughing about all sorts while stuck in traffic on the M25).

It is a strange, rather un-thought-out question, OP.

I went to 2 open days and both times the DCs were taken off and the parents put somewhere else. The other open days DCs went on their own, except Queens Belfast where we felt like a spare pair as it just seemed to be for local sixth formers and we were left to wander around on our own (didn't choose that one).

I'm a lecturer in higher education and we have noticed that more and more parents seem to come to open days, from our perspective we prefer potential students to come on their own and the ones that do seen to engage better with the day. Horses for courses but just our opinion

We went to open days with DS as he asked us to, for a couple we also had to take his brother due to child care issues. It did allow for him to gather opinions from DH who has not seen a uni before, my opinion (I have a degree) and his own to formulate a preference. He went to all offer days on his own

Choosing a subject and course/university is a massive decision and, as we know from numerous threads on MN, not one that all DCs get any useful guidance on from school or peers. It is mature and sensible to involve parents in the process.

OP - this journo may agree with you www.theguardian.com/education/2012/jan/23/university-open-days

Elephants my DD did get 'silly grades' (by which I assume you mean strong academic results) despite having to overcome some severe hurdles.

There is a lot to be said for having the personality to stay in quietly working instead of bounding about chatting. In fact, if you want to do a STEM subject & make a difference to the world, it is a very useful personality type.

University didn't teach me that it takes all sorts to make a world, I found that out for myself. I am sure there is still time for you to work out that different to your child does not equal wrong.

And this www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jun/30/parents-guide-university-open-days

I lived miles away from a lot of my choices. I did overnight visits myself. If something was awkward to get to but doable in a day my mum dropped me off & picked me up later - and went shopping in the meantime. All coordinated without mobile phones as well - things have changed.

I'll probably do a mix with mine. More likely to attend with ds3 because it looks as if ds2 will be applying for something I know nothing about where confidence & independence is important.

I'm glad for the other DC at the open day that they had parents with them who were interested and engaged - you say you only went to see the town for yourself as you were interested in it. Did you have no interest in what your DD is hoping to study or where she was going to live?

And my experience of interaction with student guides is that it is very patchy and you get one individual's view of their course and friendship group and not an overall picture that you need to make an informed decision - a bad exchange with one guide can really change your view of the place - so your DD should be careful to make sure she picks the right student ambassador to chat to....