Homework, sigh...

[dingit]

2 weeks in and ds and I have had our first major bust up. I check his planner every day and ask him about homework.
Just found out this morning that he had a piece due in today. He's just spent 20 mins rushing it, which IMO is not good enough by year 9.
He knows that the consequences of this is we take his x box away, this time I told him it will be until the weekend, so that he learns that homework comes first.
At this point he lost the plot and called me an arse
I'm going to speak to dh tonight, but what do you do about behaviour like this? It's not the first time, I don't know how to get through to the little toad, his gcses are going to be disastrous if he carries on like this.

Elephant what you are not taking into account is that these children are going through puberty, their bodies are raging with hormones and they don't always make the best decisions or fully understand the consequences of bad choices they make. That doesn't mean that they won't mature into responsible hard-working adults. Teenagers do not learn from their mistakes, one day they mature and wise up, until then I am a parent,and my role is keeping DS on track until that happens. DD is very different, but its early days so I'm not smug.

I agree with all the parents who set study time rather than homework time. That was another gem I got from the book I mentioned earlier and it has been very helpful with a boy who comes home with a blank homework diary most days. I love the idea of reading lists etc, but realistically I would just settle for getting the homework done.

Hakluyt, I would love to helicopter you in for a few weeks, supernanny style.

I do think an 'enforced' hour a day is a bit OTT - also not keen on the idea of mum-approved reading as ds1 in particular would immediately decide that whatever was approved was crap. As it was he told me in l seriousness last night that Shakespeare was a fucking genius and that people didn't appreciate him enough - I nearly fell off my chair ....

As for playing computer games, I don't think they have necessarily replaced anything more worthy.

If you properly think back to being 11-13, what did you actually do?

I reread the Twins at St. Claire's, then Agatha Christy, Sherlock and endless Dick Francis and spy stuff.

The DDs distopian (sp) stuff makes you think far more than the original James Bonds!

We watched sit coms. the news, casualty etc and I argued with my DSIS.

At school my DFs endlessly discussed coronation street. Even twilight is better than that!

business.financialpost.com/2014/09/15/why-steve-jobs-didnt-let-his-kids-use-the-ipad-and-other-gadgets-at-home/?__lsa=67c4-b2c6

expands this,-lots of limiting of children's computer time by leaders of tech industries.

What if they didn't get much from school?

Well if they didn't get much at all from school I might suggest that they spent a bit of time reading over their notes/making sure they'd understood what they'd covered that day I suppose. Although i don't think i'd be too concerned in Y7/8/9. I might get a bit twitchy closer to GCSEs!! I wouldn't fill the gap with 'culturally-enriching' activities provided by me though.

I think we have Rose tinted glasses.

Yes between 6&11 computer games can replace going out on your bike and annoying the neighbours playing tennis on the street, but for teens I'm much less convinced. I think we did a lot of hiding in our rooms doing even less constructive things than our DCs do today.

Most of DS's spare time is spent doing sport, as was mine at that age. It can take up most of a weekend as well as 2 hours+ travelling time for 2 evenings a week. He is fairly social and will meet up with friends at weekend if he does not have sporting commitments. He has a longish school day, leaves 7.30 returns at 5 for all 5 days a week.

If he does all his homework he doesn't have time in term time to play computer games.

The trouble with computer games is it absorb you into it. We know examples of children who failed their first year Uni as playing games all the time, as nobody watch for him now. So we try to let children know , you can play games, but you really need self control , and don't let it take contol of your life.

With DS1, he is good at self control, he plays it at weekend, watch time himself. But DS2, he also has to limit the games to weekend, but everytime, I have to force him to turn off the computer and drug him away. As he is still young, I won't be able to talk with him about the danger of addictive games. So I just have to help him to control it.

I agree with previouse post about the damage of the computer games. As DS2 used to be very creative, spend time drawing, writing story, make lego. But since we allowed him to play computer games( as he see DS1 play) , he doesn't do those anymore, always bored, just wait for the games, especially during holiday. He is now better, as we are back to weekend games only.

I agree with Cloud, it is not that computer games and social media are a bad use of time, it is more that, particularly for addictive personalities, it is easy to log on but much harder to log off and self limit. Teenagers neurological circuits are very plastic and therefore cannot be expected to get all their decisions right without some guidance.

And although it's an awful stereo type, I think boys are more single minded and obsessive than girls.

DH certainly is.

Hak - reading lists - I despise them. It's currently a sore topic as DD2 has one for an award thing they are all doing and she's read almost all the books (more than you need to go on to the next level) but apparently that 'doesn't count' and she has to read them again (and only if they are borrowed form the school library will they 'count' ) and actually - they are all a bit young for her now (and she's read them anyway, she isn't about to read the ones she hasn't read (the uber testosterone 'boys' menu' ones). So, as of right now, I'm implacably opposed to reading lists unless I compiled them.

Wow- reading list where you have to read everything sounds ghastly! I've sometimes set myself a challenge to read "the year's top 10 books" or something, but only as a personal challenge. And I almost always give up. But doing that to a child is ridiculous!

I think they have to read 15 out of 20 or 25. She's read more than 15 already. But it doesn't count. It's not compulsory, but she wants to be like her new friends. It just seems silly to me - she shouldn't bother. It's not a bad list, it's just - over a year too late for her. And she isn't, whatever happens, likely to want to read the books on the list she hasn't read. If they were her sort of thing she'd already have read them! Because she is voracious.

I'm not sure whether I'd want to read the year's top ten bestsellers. Any year's (well - maybe there were some years back in the c19 where none of the popular books were bad).

Just added an Agatha Christie and a James Bond to the "mum approved" pile in his room.......

Here's my problem, yr10 DS gets good marks and predicted final grades in spite of late-often absent homework. When he sits a mock biology or physics GCSE and they say he got an A*, how do I convince him that homework matters? When the IT teacher says he's a level ahead of everyone else in the class, why should he do any work outside of class?

Argh.

DS says he wants caning to be brought back to make all the skivers pay attention & stop disrupting lessons, and the less social element in school the better learning environment it would be. I teased about sending him to a posh school, but he's not keen since of course with their well-behaved pupils they pile on even more homework (have never understood that).

I think we have Rose tinted glasses.

I agree with that, too. My school classes were tremendously badly behaved. I had a puzzles magazine subscription as a teen & spent hours & hours just hiding in room doing crosswords & similar. Not so different from a strategy computer game.

Careful with the original James Bonds. They are not as 'cuddly' as the films, there's one with some properly a properly forty shark attack

Stupid phone gory.