Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Homework, sigh...

143 replies

dingit · 16/09/2014 07:45

2 weeks in and ds and I have had our first major bust up. I check his planner every day and ask him about homework.
Just found out this morning that he had a piece due in today. He's just spent 20 mins rushing it, which IMO is not good enough by year 9.
He knows that the consequences of this is we take his x box away, this time I told him it will be until the weekend, so that he learns that homework comes first.
At this point he lost the plot and called me an arse Shock
I'm going to speak to dh tonight, but what do you do about behaviour like this? It's not the first time, I don't know how to get through to the little toad, his gcses are going to be disastrous if he carries on like this. Hmm

OP posts:
Marni23 · 18/09/2014 14:10

Agree Rabbit.

Hakluyt · 18/09/2014 14:13

Yeah, well, when he starts protesting seriously, I'll rethink . At the moment, he's quite enjoying being pushed into different directions.

dodo3 · 18/09/2014 14:15

Ahhhggg teenagers are a nightmare especially boys. My year 9 is exactly the same, half hearted effort, late to hand in work etc

I blame computer games as he was fine before we got him a xbox the games are adrenalin filed and other hobby or interest seems boring. I've taken away the xbox, phone and computer. He's still in the disgusting phase of I hate you, you've ruined my life but I'm hoping he improves soon or else its boarding school.

summerends · 18/09/2014 14:23

I'm all for DC developing independent study habits and I am lucky enough to have DC who just get on with it so I rarely know what they are doing. However just like acquiring good routines for sleep, meals and exercise, I think that the routine of regular quiet time set aside for sustained concentration whether it is homework, revising or reading is a good one and should n't necessarily depend on the DCs having their own self motivation or timekeeping. Getting used to sitting down and starting an unwanted even difficult task is a critical skill throughout life.
My DS's prep school had an hour 4 days a week of 'preptime' for the boarders up to the end of year 8. It was certainly enough for excellent academic progress and the children just accepted it as part of their routine.

TheWordFactory · 18/09/2014 14:24

I think we probably all indoctrinate our D C ! Be it hak and her Mum approved stuff, or rabbit refusing to have Twilight in the house .

Or me insisting that I get to choose the family audio book in the car because I'm the bloody driver so I refuse Harry Potter or GOT!

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 18/09/2014 14:31

I refused to buy the GOT audio books. I told DS that I was never going to move on the subject, and he could either follow the Axis of Awesome agenda, or forget about it. But that wasn't so much me wanting him to read them because I like them, but me wanting him to read for pleasure. I refused to buy the HP audio books because they were so expensive. But we have loads of others and everything Big Finish have ever produced - however our in-car fare is generally either folk music (if DH has the power) or Cabin Pressure/Bleak/Eddie Izzard, if the rest of us do.

I've been indoctrinating my kids since the second they were born, not even unconsciously, definitely on purpose, but my methods are subtle. Grin And, it has to be said, extremely effective.

Hakluyt · 18/09/2014 14:36

Should I read Game of Thrones?

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 18/09/2014 14:42

Well - I love them. Many people do. But equally they aren't everyone's cup of tea, for various reasons (some people won't read fantasy, some think they are too violent too rude or too sexist, or all the above. Some people think they are too long). I don't think there is necessarily going to be an isomorphic correlation between AF and GOT lovers... But as I said. I love them.

I read that story last night, incidentally! Thanks for the link. :) I do wish the person who wrote Spring Term would do another book.

TheWordFactory · 18/09/2014 14:46

Harry Potter I adore, but am seriously over exposed. I've heard those CDs a billion times.

GOT is just not my cuppa.

DC can't get enough of either - too much is never enough.

So I choose our car journey books Wink

Hakluyt · 18/09/2014 14:50

I can't be bothered to read HP, but I love the audio books. I've got the first GoT on my phone but I haven't listned to it yet.

TheWordFactory · 18/09/2014 14:58

As an aside the nicest audio book if listened to recently was Colm Tobin's The Testament of Mary read by ... Drum roll... Meryl Streep!

God that woman is fab!

Hakluyt · 18/09/2014 15:17

I'm currently alternating between a Michael Innes- and when he gets too twee, a Ruth Rendell........(god,you're not Ruth Rendell, are you? No, of course you're not- she's 457 years old!)

TheWordFactory · 18/09/2014 15:32
Grin Again, I wish!
doormouse04 · 18/09/2014 15:34

Another interfering parent here. I check my ds2 planner, he is in yr8. I checked and made sure he did the work, and did it properly last year and will continue until he get to a point where he does it, and does it well without my support. This is on the back of my experience with dd1 who completed gcses last year and is now working on ASs. I did the same for her because school sets some, not very much homework, they often dont care very much about the quality of work from the well behaved kids, they are happy to get it done; i imagine they are working on getting the less engaged kids to do anything, let alone homework.
Anyway, i felt and still feel that i dont want to gamble in the hope that my kids will motivate themeselves to do as well as they can and teachers are too stretched to worry too much. Sometimes it has made me unpopular at home but the policy has worked to date. What my dd1 does now that she is a young adult is up to her. My daughter would not have done as well at gcse and might not have made that link between hard work getting results perhaps she would, but as i say i am not prepared to risk it.

TheWordFactory · 18/09/2014 15:35

To put people out of their misery, I'm not a household name Sad.

But I am prolific and sell in lots of countries in lots of languages. This adds up to a lot of sales.

alterego2 · 18/09/2014 19:21

i've read with fascination (have Y10 dyspraxic DS) and will comment later but in the meantime: Word - do you write non-fiction?

Dragonlette · 18/09/2014 20:01

As a teacher I love parents who check homework and get dc reading and doing extra practice outside of official homework, it really does make my life easier if kids are getting homework completed and learning stuff as we go along.

As a parent, dd1 has been responsible for ensuring her homework is done since about yr3 Blush She's in y 10 now and I haven't signed her planner once in the whole time she's been at secondary Blush She's a motivated, driven girl though, who has her eyes on Oxbridge, so I don't need to crack the whip. Dd2 is only 4, so I will have to wait and see if I can be so easygoing when she starts getting homework.

MassaAttack · 18/09/2014 20:14

Grin Dragon

In response to asking to see his completed homework I get, 'yeah, I've emailed it. I've shut the laptop down now and it's installing updates or something so it'll take AGES to boot up. Can I go on the Xbox?'

alterego2 · 18/09/2014 20:25

I agree with the pp who said their son wanted to work and do well - but not now! (sorry I can't name check you - but you are so right!)

In theory DS has 2 hours homework a night - but tonight's maths homework has taken an hour so far and he has done approx 11/26 questions. And he will continue 'til he's finished (his choice, not mine). Which, I guess, means the other 2 preps will carry over to the weekend. Again.

In terms of getting him to actually sit down, I find treating him like a toddler works quite well. I mean telling him how long he's got to eat/watch tv and then giving countdowns.

Well, that works sometimes. Sometimes it results in shouty trauma. You never can tell with DS Smile

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 18/09/2014 20:30

Hak speaking of mum approved music - DD1 is singing Fear no more as one of her grade 8 exam pieces! :) but she won't let me test her on the words. Annoyingly.

Littleturkish · 18/09/2014 20:34

You're absolutely doing the right thing.

Suggestions:

He has to do 30 min work a night regardless of whether it's set or not, if not he does reading or practice papers/questions. If he knows he's working anyway, he'll be more inclined to just do the work needed.

Choose your praise wisely, really read what he's written and compliment him on an improved technique or a challenging skill he has mastered.

Use his interests to motivate him- he does well in an assessment, he can go and visit xyz. Learning and education doesn't have to be stale and boring and he should link what he does in class to the more exciting adult world.

sunnybobs · 18/09/2014 20:43

Boring addition to the thread but if your schools haven't yet signed up for Show my Homework online - try and suggest it. All teachers submit their homework online and every child & parent can access it from home, tablet etc. Its made a massive difference for all those children who won't/can't write down their homework in enough detail or time! And much faster to set as a teacher!

worstmistakeever · 18/09/2014 22:03

I have a DC who does it all herself since yr3, too. I take absolutely zero credit for this.

Don't your kids refuse to go to school at all if you take away Xbox etc?
Am truly amazed that things don't escalate horrendously. Violently, even.
DS is bigger than me and I'd have to take every last item to the charity shop to keep his hands off them (if their removal was supposed to be a punishment).
and then he'd refuse to go to school for the next year.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 19/09/2014 08:16

worstmistake I do wonder if these very involved controlling Mothers aren't storing up trouble for GCSE, A level or university.

At some point their DCs are either going to fall down because mummy can't always be their to organise nag and control everything or they are going to get pissed of (and probably pissed) and rebel.

Or else living up to their parents and their own expectations makes them (like DDs DF) stressed and ill.

As you say I can't, physically make either DD do anything. We live in the sticks, so I can ground them very easily, but have never had to, but I can't force DD2 to pick up a German book and learn anything!

TheWordFactory · 19/09/2014 08:38

worstmistake not at all.

In loving supportive families, the children know the parents want what is best for them and trust their judgment (even when irritated).

For all their bluster most teens don't want to be fully independent. The OPs son is 13 I think. At that age they're still finding their way , however tall or noisy they are Wink.

elephant you are using very derogatory language here - control, nag, mummies. Then predicting disaster!

The fact is that many of the supportive parents on this thread have already run the gauntlet of exams and university without their children failing spectacularly or becoming unhappy.

The reality is that there are also many parents who left their DC to it and their DC didn't do well. Their disinterest Wink didn't serve their DC well. And their DC wish their parents had been a little firmer