Homework, sigh...

[dingit]

2 weeks in and ds and I have had our first major bust up. I check his planner every day and ask him about homework.
Just found out this morning that he had a piece due in today. He's just spent 20 mins rushing it, which IMO is not good enough by year 9.
He knows that the consequences of this is we take his x box away, this time I told him it will be until the weekend, so that he learns that homework comes first.
At this point he lost the plot and called me an arse
I'm going to speak to dh tonight, but what do you do about behaviour like this? It's not the first time, I don't know how to get through to the little toad, his gcses are going to be disastrous if he carries on like this.

My DD1 is allowed to use a laptop for exams due to the fact her brain stops when she has a pen in her hand. As far as I understand, they use Wordpad (so no spelling, grammar help etc).
For her MFL she is allowed a crib card telling her the shortcuts to get accents.
It is printed off, I think, and she has to sign it as her work or something.
Certainly in controlled assessments she can print as she goes, mark up changes, and then make them. The PC users are in a separate room to others.

She will be using it for essay based subjects.
Not for maths or ICT (!)
And possibly mix and match for science - mainly on the paper, but computerised for the longer wordier questions.

God, I feel your pain. My DS 14 has just started yr 10. We've always had issues with him doing homework to a good standard.

Last year I decided my involvement wasn't working - we had loads of conflict and it wasn't helping - so backed off a bit and left it to the school, having made clear to his teachers I'd like a bit more action taken when homework isn't handed in or done poorly. Outcome - several issues about late homework raised when we had the two parents' evenings but no information about these instances when they happened which made it harder to deal with at home. The only detention DS had to my knowledge was when a teacher emailed me to say she was keeping him behind to complete 6 (!) pieces of work he hadn't handed in. Why on earth she hadn't blasted him got tough on the second instance I have no idea but I was not impressed.

This year we have started a new regime. He's agreed that he'll do homework at the weekends, regardless of when it needs handing in (he's the king of the last minute dashed off piece of work the night day before) and I have a list of what's to be done on the fridge. I need to see everything is done by Sunday night or there's no xbox at all for the week ahead.

The plan was discussed and agreed with DS who seems, I hope, to realise that the next two years are important and has asked for 'support, Mum but not nagging'. He's a bit more mature which helps.

I am a supportive and engaged parent but you can only effectively monitor homework when you have the information. DS's school have poorly used and monitored planners and the online portal where all homework should be recorded is patchy - some teachers apparently 'don't like using it' and if it'snot on there I can't check it's done.

I wish DS's teachers had been better earlier at pulling him up on sloppy work - have been appalled in year 7 and 8 by the standards of presentation DS was allowed to get away with and of course my feedback wasn't listened to when teachers were letting it go.

Polly, yes, I too had issues regarding presentation, particularly his maths book, which was appalling. The teacher looked at me as if I was mad, he just didn't get my concerns! Things have certainly changed since I was at school, if you handed in a shoddy piece of work, you had to do it again

Ds1 is in yr 10. He wants to be a vet and knows that to achieve this he needs great results. I dont check his homework, I ask him if he has any homework and when he plans to do it. Then I leave him to it.
Although he started his GCSEs last year I gave him permission to slack during exam time. I told him if ever there was a good time to relax that was it.
His results showed it and he learnt a lesson. This year he is a lot more serious and committed to doing well.
Ds2 is yr8 and needs chasing up at the moment.

You do know that GCSEs count for competitive courses like veterinary science, don't you?

Sorry Coolas, I wasnt clear. Yr9 I told him it was a good time to relax a little. From here it is four years of bloody hard work if he wants to be a vet.
He had struggled with friendships and by being more relaxed he was able to enjoy his mates company.
He now has a good group of friends, has had the kick up the behind he needed, the realisation that he needs to work and is in a good place in his head to do really well.
I dont know if this approach would work with every dc but it has been positive for ds1.

OK Rabbit wtf is double tongueing?

DD got her C for English (another dyslexic) despite the craziest marking known to man (a,b,a,u)
and her Science and maths As.

To her total delight she got a B for RE, she loves debating moral/philosophical things. Her miserable teacher never ever gave her more than a C.

Posted to soon.

She really worked at the RE, because she wanted to show she could do it. No nagging from me.

"If there is one thing I've learned on these threads is that different things work for different children, and that for some children nothing seems to work."

This is so true.

One of mine needed no encouragement or supervision at all (for homework and even music practice, which I know is quite unusual), completely hands-off approach worked brilliantly as instructions from teachers were always adhered to with no checking needed. Was also bright enough to get away with a moderate gaming habit too.

The other was one of those who was highly resistant to doing any homework or music practise right from the start. Music was dropped (pointless without practice) and attempts to supervise homework failed dismally as it simply never came home and the existance of it was denied. Many complaints came from school but enough was done under the desk in the lesson before to mostly prevent major escalations. Noone seemed able to change the habit until at the eleventh hour in year 11 a forced change of school caused enough of a shock to start a moderate amount of work which together with luck of the devil, ability to pull rabbits out of bags, and a very fortuitous exam timetable with well spaced exams allowing much day-before cramming resulted in unexpectedly excellent GCSEs.

Hak, it is possible to do very well at GCSE with very little effort for bright dc. I wonder if you are tending to crack the whip for your ds in a subconscious (or perhaps conscious) attept to compensate for real or imagined deficiencies in his schooling? I would endeavour if you can to get him to the point where he is self motvated and an independent worker if possible (if not then keep on as you are while he is willing). Did you do the same for your dd?

Not read whole thread but op what about carrots rather than sticks?

Eg Xbox not used unless homework done, seen and checked against planner? If needs be keep controllers and powers leads hidden, say in the car!

I know this is going to be a huge mindset change and met with lots of strops by the ops child but it's likely going work with his priorities to actually get the work done!

My kids are a bit older - GCSE and up and the way we chose to work things was that big technology eg x box were not a personal up session but a family owned item meaning the adults retained control incase it was needed ( also we couldn't spend that much money on one child).

The very best way to measure your DCs' academic strengths and weaknesses is to maintain a firm grip on their performance at school. We have always encouraged all our DC to "share" their questions about homework with us and we are always available to test/rehearse/make suggestions.

It works for us.

Don't worry. Frogsinapond- I was exagerating slightly with my whip cracking comments!

I really think it's important for them to learn how to fit some "work" into to their after school time, so that's why we've always done the hour as soon as secondary school starts. If there isn't any homework to be done, then what that hour consists of is up for negotiation. Up to a point.

I told DS last night that if he didn't have an hours HW I had some 'mum approved' activities.

He decided he would rather revise his physics!

What were your "mum approved" activities? Last night ds read King Solomon's Mines while listening to Brahms. And eating chocolate digestives.

I'm much lower rent than you hak. I don't think we have Brahms in the house!

Tbh I hadn't got a very thorough plan. But fortunately DS didn't even want to know. Clearly even the boredom of neutrons and wot not sounded a better bet to him!

landrover It's a technique whereby wind instrument players can play faster. Useful for fiendishly quick passages. You have to train yourself to be able to do it though. DD2 has spent god knows how many hours perfecting her Spock eyebrows so I really don't know what she is complaining about.

Hak - yesterday DD2 had 35 minutes between getting home from school and going out to drama (for 3 hours). She spent that eating chips and listening to Miss Saigon while wiggling her eyebrows. After she got back from drama (8:30) she watched bake off, fed the kittens and went to bed (where she read for longer than I would have liked). She didn't have any homework, had she had any bake-off would have gone the way of all flesh. I really don't think she needs me controlling her cultural inputs beyond the purchasing stage.

I really like the idea of a routine of an hour a night, but it wouldn't have worked for either of mine. One did too many ecs to contemplate it on a regular basis and I don't think ever did that much homework even averaged over a week before year 12 except in exceptional circumstances (eg: multiple majorish assignments due in at once or exam weeks) and the other was too stubborn and lazy and the battle would have wrecked our relationship. Both have turned into sensible adults with a good attitude to work though.

I am at 'mum approved books' and 'mum approved music'. Don't you think they need to discover and develop their own tastes? Although I suppose my DC have been subjected to our taste in music on long car journeys (that's how they discovered they liked The Jam and The Smiths )

Where homework is concerned I take a very hands off approach. It's their homework and they have to develop their own work ethic and take the consequences if it's not done/not done well enough. I'm obviously always happy to help if needed and will test vocab etc if asked but that's as far as it goes.

"Don't you think they need to discover and develop their own tastes?"

Yep. On a non extra curricular activity day he is home by 4 and goes to bed about 10. He has 5 hours to discover and develop his own tastes. Not to mention the time spent listening as he walks to school. Another hour. And all day on Saturday and Sunday. As I said, if it wasn't for the mum approved music, he would probably not have discovered that he likes opera. Or written the arrangement of a Stevie Wonder song for solo guitar he won a prize for. No need for a campaign to Free the Hakluyt One!

I'll put the placard away then! But if he likes opera he would have liked it when he came across it of his one accord wouldn't he? I think I just struggle with the notion of 'approved' books/music/whatever. They're such personal things and I wouldn't want to impose my choices on the DC. Other than having books/music etc that I have enjoyed on the shelves which they are free to pick up.

Same with schoolwork/homework. I want them to develop their own work ethic, not be forced to adhere to my idea of how/when homework should be done.

Congrats to your DS on the guitar prize btw.

There is a difference between making stuff available to kids (facilitation) and coercion though. And if I was going to coerce a young person to listen to music I certainly wouldn't waste the time on Brahms, who they are quite likely to experience/encounter without parental supervision. Ditto Stevie (who I adore but who really doesn't need to be pushed by parents).

On reflection, I think it might actually be counter productive to relegate classical composers or Motown to the coercion zone. Far better for a person to just experience music as part of the natural warp and weft of normal life, the key thing is for people to grasp that there is no music that is necessarily 'not for them' by definition, but that they are free to listen to what they like, and they don't have to be bound by convention or the tastes of others, whether 'others' means peers or parents.