Advice wanted on wording this letter

[montrealmum]

Dear XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX,
We are writing to express our concern about the Year 8 Religious Studies Visit scheduled to take place this September.
Parents have been informed that girls who wish to attend the trip are required to wear trousers and a headscarf as a mark of respect for the religious institutions they will be visiting.
It is also our understanding that girls who do not wish to wear the headscarves or trousers, or whose families feel it does not accord with their beliefs, will be working on their own at school that day on Religious Studies coursework.
While I fully appreciate the need to dress respectfully on a visit to any religious institution, I feel I must draw a line at my very young daughter being compelled to wear clothing items intended for women to express their sexual modesty. Just as I feel it would be utterly wrong to compel a Muslim girl to remove her headscarf in order to participate in a school activity, so I feel it is wrong to compel my daughter, or any other girl, to wear one.
It would be very easy for us to simply agree to this request on the basis that the headscarf may be seen as nothing more than a temporary fashion accessory, to be worn for an hour or so. However, I am sure that a Muslim would not regard it as such, and nor do we. While respect for religious traditions is surely admirable, is it not the case that respect for our views as atheists and feminists are equally worthy of consideration?
We would urge the school to consider whether such an approach does truly promote community cohesion surely with a little more communication, an agreement could be come to which is mutually agreeable to all. We would hate to think that any girls first exposure to Islam would be one of unnecessary compulsion.
Perhaps an agreement that girls have the symbolism of the headscarf explained to them, and are given the option to wear one on the day, would be more conciliatory. Or at the very least, that an option is given to those girls who choose to abstain that is not tantamount to an internal exclusion.
Given these objections, we find ourselves in the unenviable position of having to choose between our sincerely held beliefs and putting our daughter in a position where she feels excluded and socially isolated.
We therefore reluctantly give our permission for her to attend on the day and follow the strictures set down, but do ask that you give serious thought to our concerns about this matter.
We would like to thank the school for their choice of role models for the girls, such as Rosa Parks and Emmeline Pankhurst, women who understood that following social conventions is not always the best choice to make.
Thank you for your time,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

No, I said the girls should be given the option to wear the headscarf. Nowhere have I said she must not wear it. Please read the original post carefully.

'Be on your way' indeed!

My (I think perfectly intelligent comment) is that the tone of the letter suggests that you like to pick quarrels. It seems to be more about you and your atheism and your feminism and less about the headwear and trip. This is such a very minor matter, and a matter quite clearly where liberal people would take the approach that respect for another culture requires the temporary donning of headwear (for both girls and boys), that only someone dead set on confrontation for its own sake would take issue. This is not a big deal. Some other aspects of certain religions may well be a big deal, but not this - it's no more than manners.

Agree with happygardening that there is no way working on their own on a project constitutes 'internal exclusion'. I think you must have very little real idea of how schools run, and what staffing levels permit and don't permit, for you to fail to understand that this arrangement is a perfectly sensible one, probably the best they could do.

Agree with FAB that this will not endear you to the school, who will probably take the view of the majority on this thread who regard you as silly, or worse.

FandB,
And you are a rude person. Descriptive, of course, not pejorative.
Now please take your toys and go home. You may come back when you can play nicely like almost everyone else on here manages to do.

You really need to shred your letter and start again.

What it says/conveys and what you think it says/conveys are two very different things.

Molio, may I ask, if my daughter wore a headscarf and was asked to remove it on a school trip, would your position still be that it was a very minor matter and I would be quarrelsome to dispute it?

Montreal this is a public forum where people are free to express their opinions whether you like it or not. You cannot tell someone to go away. This very recently happened to me and it did not initially have the effect the poster was hoping for as it promoted me to reawaken a thread gone and forgotten. You asked for advise most people are appalled at your stance, unable to comprehend what your problem is with either your DD going and covering her head out of courtesy to the religious institution who've kindly invited her or her staying at school and working on her own or with a couple of others whose parents feel the same for one day in the learning support dept.
Few can understand what your hoping to achieve by your letter which to my mind at the best shows a lack of respect and manners for others and at worse nothing more than plain good old fashioned bigotry.

OP this isn't about women and women expressing their views. The letter would be just as odd if it were written by a man. You don't help the cause of equality by asserting that a perception of your letter as odd or daft is down to being a woman. People at my kids' school seem to take my opinions on board if I express them, and I'm a woman (and the HT and a number of the SLT are men, not women). It's about the quality of the opinion and the way it's expressed, not the gender of the person expressing it. We're long, long past that.

I have never said that people are asserting my opinion is daft on the basis that I'm a woman. Where on earth do you get that from. I'm perfectly happy for people to express their opinions, but if you feel you must be rude in order to do so, I have every right to ignore you.

I think the donning of an item of clothing that means nothing to you in order to convey your respect to your hosts, and being ask to remove an item of clothing which has deep cultural importance to you are two very different requests.

But if you regard them the same, I would hazard a guess that the Muslim parent would quietly withdraw their child from the communal swimming lesson as they would have to remove any headwear.

And if that meant staying at school so be it.

Can i add that it is not a school requirement to wear a scarf - if it was part of school uniform I'd entirely agree with you. But it's assumed (probably correctly) to be a requirement of visiting another establishment to which the children have been invited.

I'd be inclined to let her go on the trip but discuss issues of the headscarf/covering arms with her (actually, it sounds as though you have been already).

I wouldn't send this letter to the school but would write to or ask to speak to them in person afterwards; I'd want to see whether the school intended to open up discussions with the pupils about why modesty is required for some expressions of some religious cultures.

I would not give a flying fuck about being thought of as 'that mum' for simply desiring to have a sensible discussion about a difficult area.

Those of you asking if the OP would object if her daughter was asked to wear a swimsuit or sunhat to the beach, or wellies on a farm trip, are just being silly.

OP I have to say I far prefer happygardening's approach to atheism but then it seems that happygardening is properly liberal whereas you seem to be strikingly illiberal.

The issue of a DD or DS wearing headwear for religious purposes is significantly more important than a DD or DS who doesn't habitually wear headwear being invited to put some on, as a temporary measure and out of respect.

Are you going to insist your DD grows up to share your own narrow views :)

Happy gardening, I am hoping to achieve a little more thought on the part of the school, and an effort to teach the children about other religious beliefs without putting their families in the position of having to compromise their own beliefs in so doing. Which I thought my letter made clear.

Molio, why is it significantly more important? Please explain.

This surely must be a wind up.

I am of the opinion that myself and my children respect others beliefs and religion. Don't send your kid, the only person that misses out is your kid.

What a joke post.

Thank you Only lovers. Your input is appreciated. I will give it serious consideration.

DS1 went on a trip to a Jewish museum once. He wasn't allowed anything meat or anything resembling banned items (including bacon flavoured crisps) in his packed lunch.

I assumed my compliance came under "religious tolerance" and not being an idiot.

Btw, my dd went to a Sikh temple last week and was asked to bring a headscarf. The lady giving the talk explained why all the children (boys and girls) were asked to cover their heads. They had a fantastic time and learnt a great deal as well as having the opportunity to view a magnificent building that we drive past all the time.

If you visit many religious buildings abroad, you are asked to cover yourself (head, shoulders, no hotpants etc).

Titchy, the item of clothing in question does mean something to me. Read my original post.
I have explained to her my feelings about it and she thinks it is silly that girls have to wear something boys don't. But does not want to stand out by protesting. Fair enough, she is 11 years old.

Owl I did chuckle at your post but I think you hit the nail on the head. Kids raised this way become the arrogant narrow minded prats the rest of us have to deal with.

Molio, may I ask, if my daughter wore a headscarf and was asked to remove it on a school trip, would your position still be that it was a very minor matter and I would be quarrelsome to dispute it?

Oh dear.

Hopeless case, I think.

OP your post of 10.28am seems to be making this into a 'women can't express their views' issue.

Are you sure boys don't need headwear? Mine did.

So she cant ever go to a Muslim country, or country of any other predominant religion where you are asked to dress respectfully, or visit any other place of worship.

Very very odd.

We've been to Turkey. No requirement whatsoever that either of us wear a headscarf, on the streets or in mosques.

Now please take your toys and go home. You may come back when you can play nicely like almost everyone else on here manages to do.

Ha. I missed that.

That made you sound much more sensible OP.

Good move.