Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

tutor claims my dd damaged his sofa

95 replies

noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:01

nc for this

My 16 yo dd waited 30 min in this tutor sitting room whilst my ds had his lesson.
Tutor sent me an email today stating that she damaged his sofa with red lipstick by scribbling on it and also on some paperwork he left in that room. That he noticed it on Sunday.

I sent him letter canceling further lessons and asking for 2 quotes for clean/repair.
My dd was in tears after reading his letter because she really liked this tutor and says she wouldn't do that as he helped her a lot in few weeks she was going there.
I can't prove either he is right or wrong.

I've found this tutor through online search tool and was hoping to use him for many months to come. Not cheap at 45 pounds per 60 min.
No idea what else I can do. He sad that she had caused "criminal damage and writing such a nasty and extremely hurtful note to me"

He claims she wrote - 'I h 8 u'

I have no reason not to believe her that she wouldn't do that as she praised him for his style of teaching.

I have lesson for the future myself - never leave kids unattended, anywhere!

I am not sure what others would do in my shoes.

OP posts:
Abitannoyedatthis · 05/12/2013 22:27

I don't see what else you could do. I don't think the relationship can continue after an accusation like that, so I don't think you are obliged to pay notice. Bizarre accusations if your DD is innocent. Perhaps she thought she was writing on scrap and the sofa damage happened by
accident. She might have been annoyed with her brother or a third party?

If you really think she is completely innocent stand your ground and refuse to give him a penny.

Anyway lesson learned - get a tutor who comes to the house next time.

mrsminiverscharlady · 05/12/2013 22:31

Hmm, he noticed on Sunday yet he didn't email you until now. If you believe your daughter didn't do it then I'd refuse to pay tbh. If he's a tutor presumably has other clients. How does he know none of them did it?

Does your dd even have red lipstick? I'd ask to see the evidence before paying anything.

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:32

I have employee legal assistance at work and will contact them tomorrow as I feel threatened by him Sad

he just replied ...

"I do not wish to involve the police but, as a criminal offence, I have every entitlement.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please call me as soon as possible."

wtf!

OP posts:
Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:33

also he should have insurance content as he works from home!

OP posts:
Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:34

she hasn't got red lipstick!

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 05/12/2013 22:34

Not much you can do really is there as the relationship with that tutor is ruined. If he didn't notice the damage as soon as it happened how can he be so sure it was your dd? Presumably other students must have used the room over the same day or two?

£45 does sound very steep for an hour's tuition. I pay £25 for a maths tutor for my 17 year old ds. Maybe you can find someone who charges a more reasonable rate!

Mrswellyboot · 05/12/2013 22:34

Let him call the police. I don't think dd did anything as it sounds like she likes him so you've nothing to worry about at all. What proof as he?

longingforsomesleep · 05/12/2013 22:40

why does he want you to call him? And if your daughter doesn't have a red lipstick she obviously didn't do it so why did you offer to pay cleaning bill (which could be seen as admitting culpability?)

clam · 05/12/2013 22:42

Why did you ask him for two cleaning quotes if you don't think your dd is responsible? Might he not think from that that you accept his accusation?

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:43

I feel he may be mentally unstable and I thought I would just make it easy for myself by not having to worry about it. but I guess I admitted indirectly that she might have done it

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 05/12/2013 22:47

I'm sorry, but I think it's bizarre to offer to pay when you know categorically your dd didn't do it! I assumed at first that you offered because you couldn't be sure she wasn't responsible but if she definitely hasn't got a red lipstick then clearly she's not.

You've given him a clear message that you're prepared to accept that your dd was responsible.

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:49

it looks bizarre what I wrote I agree, but I had enough to do with mentally unstable people and thought I would placate him

OP posts:
HyvaPaiva · 05/12/2013 22:54

Sorry, OP but this has made me Sad for your DD. If I were her being accused and your reaction was 'get me a cleaning quote', I'd be hurt that you didn't stick up for me because you'd rather 'make it easy' for yourself.

If she doesn't have red lipstick and you believe her you should be fighting her corner against this tutor, however strange he seems.

Abitannoyedatthis · 05/12/2013 22:54

OP just tell him to call the bloody police I am sure it is a good use of their time. Perhaps also inform him that blackmail is a crime!

It does sound like something a young and pissed off child might do, not a 16 year old.

I imagine that you were so shocked when you heard the accusation that you offered to pay - bit like the way I apologise when people walk into me!

Nagasaki · 05/12/2013 22:58

I don't think the OP was offering to pay for damage. More that she wanted to see a 'quote' i.e. evidence of the damage as he claims. Which is sensible.

Maybe I've read it wrong though!!

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 23:00

yes I was shocked and agree I reacted wrongly but I did it in good faith

yes, I feel he is blackmailing me!

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 05/12/2013 23:07

I think asking for quotes for cleaning suggests a willingness to pay - whether or not that was the OP's intention. And that has probably fuelled the tutor's determination to extract some sort of vengeance.

A more appropriate response would have been to say that her dd doesn't own a red lipstick so she categorically cannot be responsible for the damage and perhaps he should question some of the other people who have used the room. But then hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Nagasaki · 05/12/2013 23:11

Ah, missed the not owning a red lipstick. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Tutor's a fucking chancer, OP. Call the police, my arse!

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 23:15

I spoke to my Employee Assistance company. Their legal department are going to contact me hopefully tomorrow. I will let you know what their advice is.

I still can't believe how a teacher was able to calmly accuse her using words... "vandalism", "criminal damage", "involving police" - I am very, very upset as you can imagine.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 05/12/2013 23:15

You thought he was mentally unstable so decided to placate him??
Did he show any signs of instability during the times your dd has been alone with him? Hmm

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 23:19

no, I haven't seen any signs apart from this letter he wrote
where he accuses her

he is a teacher and he claims "In thirty years of teaching I have never experienced anything like this before!!"

I should have slept on it and not replied straight away!

OP posts:
Upcycled · 05/12/2013 23:19

But you thought he is mentally unstable and left two children with him??

Upcycled · 05/12/2013 23:20

oh I see, not until the letters. sorry.

shelbytortoise · 05/12/2013 23:20

Actually no idea call his bluff! Ring or call in to the police for advice and let him know you're doing this.

Original poster
noideawhy · 05/12/2013 23:21

no, after reading this letter I thought there must be something wrong with this man if he writes on Thursday about something he noticed on Sunday

and demands that I talk to him and come to see the damage to his sofa

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread