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Secondary education

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Original poster

tutor claims my dd damaged his sofa

95 replies

noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:01

nc for this

My 16 yo dd waited 30 min in this tutor sitting room whilst my ds had his lesson.
Tutor sent me an email today stating that she damaged his sofa with red lipstick by scribbling on it and also on some paperwork he left in that room. That he noticed it on Sunday.

I sent him letter canceling further lessons and asking for 2 quotes for clean/repair.
My dd was in tears after reading his letter because she really liked this tutor and says she wouldn't do that as he helped her a lot in few weeks she was going there.
I can't prove either he is right or wrong.

I've found this tutor through online search tool and was hoping to use him for many months to come. Not cheap at 45 pounds per 60 min.
No idea what else I can do. He sad that she had caused "criminal damage and writing such a nasty and extremely hurtful note to me"

He claims she wrote - 'I h 8 u'

I have no reason not to believe her that she wouldn't do that as she praised him for his style of teaching.

I have lesson for the future myself - never leave kids unattended, anywhere!

I am not sure what others would do in my shoes.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 06/12/2013 13:38

You don't need a reason when you're 16, their brains just don't work like that - they really don't know why they do it.

Anyone read 'blame my brain' - it's really helpful on this.

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 13:39

I know I've made a mistake by sending that email.

However he wants to humiliate me teach me a lesson? This behaviour I am finding bizzare and out of order.

Well he is teaching me already - not to trust as much as I do!

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 06/12/2013 14:05

Personally I don't think there are many 16 year olds who would deliberately damage a sofa with lipstick, although I get what Laurie is saying.

It's just very very odd. If this were genuine I am sure he would have just accepted the offer to get the sofa cleaned. But you are quite within your rights to say well now I realise my dd did nothing wrong.

Tuhlulah · 06/12/2013 14:52

'Following a discussion with my daughter I am reassured that she is not responsible for the damage you claim has been caused t your sofa. She does not own a red lipstick and moreover had no access to a red lipstick. Furthermore she denies causing damage or writing notes to you. Therefore I am withdrawing my offer to pay for any damage caused to your sofa, which was based on a goodwill gesture and certainly not meant, or intended to be meant as any acknowledgement of liability for damage. Both my daughter and I are prepared to tell this to any police officers who investigate your complaint. In the meantime I am contacting the agency through whom we found your serves, and will make a full report of this incident, in which you have accused my daughter of a serious criminal offence, causing her great distress which I fear will have serious repercussions on her education, as we will now have to find alternative means of tuition. I feel you have behaved very unprofessionally and anticipate other parents would to. I do not expect to hear from you on this or any other matter again.'

THEN call the agency and make a full complaint. Do no be intimidated. If you say your daughter did not do this, and you believe her, then stick to your guns.

I think you had appalling advice from your legal friend. Why should you accept liability for something your daughter did not do? Moreover, how will this be proven?

In a criminal court he would have to establish your daughter did this beyond any reasonable doubt. I don't think that is likely, do you?

For him to claim compensation from you it would go through the small claims court anyway, and would be decided on a balance of probability, so he might succeed, depending on the judge. But, you say he waited how many days? How many other children had access to that room?

Tuhlulah · 06/12/2013 14:53

'services', sorry.

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 15:02

Tuhlulah - thanks a lot for time you took to write that reply (your karma grows as I type Wink)

I will do as you advised me - it all makes sense.

He claims he teaches 3pm-9pm (our lesson was on Saturdays) & that no one else had access to that room for the past few weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 15:04

that legal advice was not from a friend but from an employee of a company which is contracted by my employer to provide advice to us in case of distress etc

OP posts:
Tuhlulah · 06/12/2013 15:12

If you are asked why you made the offer you say because you felt it wasn't worth upsetting your daughter by getting involved in something so unpleasant, given that she is preparing for exams.

And think about this: Why would your daughter write a note saying I hate you to this man? Why would he think she had written it? Did she write it at all? Was it meant for someone else? And if she didn't write him such a note -who did? I really don't think you would want him to teach your daughter now, knowing this, would you? It all seems very odd. But, don't let him catch you on the back foot -be proactive and get in there first. How on earth could he establish that your daughter did this?

And if you think my letter was helpful, you are most welcome! Good luck.

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 15:18

he claims noone else was allowed to that room

he caused a lot of distress to me (today is my day off and I am certainly not relaxing!) and to my daughter

I think he hasn't got enough proof but power of written word to intimidate me

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 16:23

He hasn't got 'enough' proof?! Noideawhy - he hasn't got ANY proof!
How could he prove nobody else was allowed in that room?

He does seem very very certain though that it was your dd. Are you absolutely sure it couldn't have been? Could it be anything else other than lipstick that she might have had with her or found in the room (crayon? felt tip?) Would it be worth saying to her, as suggested upthread, that he may have CCTV installed and that would be a good thing wouldn't it as that would prove her innocence once and for all.

I'd be tempted to do that in your shoes for my own peace of mind, just to see her reaction - but then I'm a bit suspicious and have learnt from experience that it's not always a good thing to jump to my kids' defense without first doing a bit of digging. But I do think it would be a very odd thing for a 16 year old to do. And why would she anyway - it's not something she'd be likely to get away with.

It's not a very nice situation to be in at all - I hope you manage to get it resolved soon

hillian · 06/12/2013 16:31

Hope you don't think I am implying anything with this question but where did your son wait when it was your daughters turn to see the tutor?

Auriga · 06/12/2013 16:42

I really wouldn't recommend making up a story about CCTV. The whole issue is about trust and it will be hard for your dd to learn any lessons if she can't at least trust you.

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 16:49

my son left his flat straight away, I collected him & went to drop him off at home

I am not going to threaten my dd with CCTV camera in his sitting room, I think it would not be fair on her, would not achieve nothing much but her greater distress.

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 17:01

I wasn't suggesting threatening her with cctv, just saying something like, "I wonder if he might have cctv" to gauge dd's reaction. Hardly a betrayal of trust. As far as the OP knows he may have cctv - that may be why he's so certain of his 'facts'!

lottieandmia · 06/12/2013 17:17

If he does have CCTV then I think that would be illegal. You aren't allowed to videotape people without their knowledge and consent.

AntoinetteCosway · 06/12/2013 17:52

He should have public liability insurance. He sounds like a complete chancer.

AntoinetteCosway · 06/12/2013 17:53

Although. T

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 17:53

I showed her this thread & she was very touched that so many of you came to comment and help us.
She said she couldn't concentrate at school today at all as she kept thinking about it.

OP posts:
AntoinetteCosway · 06/12/2013 17:54

Oops, on my phone with fat fingers. Having posted, I realised PL wouldn't be the right insurance in these circumstances-but contents would cover it.

longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 18:03

The excess on contents insurance can be quite high (sometimes people opt for a higher excess to reduce their monthly payments) so he would be out of pocket if he claimed on his insurance (plus the premiums would probably then go up).

hercules1 · 06/12/2013 18:05

Why would he make this up? If he isn't lying then he's quite right in everything he has said to you. I would be questioning the dd further. Good luck in what ever happens.

Toomuch2young · 06/12/2013 18:06

Are you 100% assured he has always behaved in a professional and kind manner towards your DD during these unsupervised lessons?
Not accusing him of not having done so, but the first thing that came to my mind was has he done ronthibgvto upset DD and therefore cause her to do this and write 'I hate u'?? And now she's so worked up about it?
Not to add another worry but just a thought to try and rule out

Original poster
noideawhy · 06/12/2013 18:14

she is upset for being accused of something she didn't do and that police was mentioned
I explained that if she was to be interviewed is just to give statement.

she saw this tutor 3 times and never complained about him

I don't doubt there's damage done - I question my daughter being accused of doing it

OP posts:
longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 18:16

If it was me I'd want to go and see the 'damage'. If the tutor keeps a pristine home then he might see it as worse than the rest of us would. (DH and I often wonder what the marks on the arm of our leather sofa are - they appeared after one of ds's sleepovers but we're not overly bothered about them - just curious!)

He might be assuming it's lipstick when it could be something else - perhaps even caused by dd but unknowingly? I put some handcream on the other day then picked up a magazine - the handcream made the dark dye come off the magazine onto my hands. If I hadn't noticed I could have put my hands on my mum's light coloured sofa which I was sitting on and transferred the ink - without realising. It could well be something other than lipstick and something that dd transferred without realising it. Could she have had some sweets with her? A drink? A leaky pen in her bag which she didn't notice?

The paperwork may well have been outside the room and could have picked up the message elsewhere.

FunkyBoldRibena · 06/12/2013 18:16

Please don't write that you are withdrawing your offer to pay. State that you were asking for quotes to see whether there was any damage, and if there was - the level and extent. If he can't get quotes then we can presume, no damage at all.

I mean, come on; red lipstick on a sofa...wipe it off or get some stain devil. If it's that bad, claim on the insurance.