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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

tutor claims my dd damaged his sofa

95 replies

noideawhy · 05/12/2013 22:01

nc for this

My 16 yo dd waited 30 min in this tutor sitting room whilst my ds had his lesson.
Tutor sent me an email today stating that she damaged his sofa with red lipstick by scribbling on it and also on some paperwork he left in that room. That he noticed it on Sunday.

I sent him letter canceling further lessons and asking for 2 quotes for clean/repair.
My dd was in tears after reading his letter because she really liked this tutor and says she wouldn't do that as he helped her a lot in few weeks she was going there.
I can't prove either he is right or wrong.

I've found this tutor through online search tool and was hoping to use him for many months to come. Not cheap at 45 pounds per 60 min.
No idea what else I can do. He sad that she had caused "criminal damage and writing such a nasty and extremely hurtful note to me"

He claims she wrote - 'I h 8 u'

I have no reason not to believe her that she wouldn't do that as she praised him for his style of teaching.

I have lesson for the future myself - never leave kids unattended, anywhere!

I am not sure what others would do in my shoes.

OP posts:

Beccadugs · 06/12/2013 18:20

noideawhy I'm not sure there are any rules about insurance, however, we added public liability insurance and something to do with home being place of business (DH us an efficient stickler) when I started. Just for piece of mind really, as it's lots of different people coming to the house. I can find out what if you'd like.

I really do think this man is trying it on for some reason though. It a) sounds like your DD didn't do it, but b) if she did in my house, I'd chalk it up to bitter experience as I'd have been the one who suggest/agreed to have her wait for her brother, and presumably chose where she should wait.

(Ignore atrocious sentence structure, I tutor mainly maths!!)

weirdthing · 06/12/2013 18:24

Ask him to send you a pic of the damage. Also, does your daughter wear that shade of lipstick?

OpalTourmaline · 06/12/2013 18:33

Why would it cause your dd distress to suggest there might be cctv? Surely she would be relieved to think she could prove she didn't do it. Also I don't see why it makes him mentally unstable to be upset that someone vandalised his house. Most people would be upset.

LEMisafucker · 06/12/2013 18:45

Has he presented you with pictures of the damage?

I would just not engage with this nasty bloody man any further. You know your DD, if you feel this is something she wouldn't do then you absolutely have to fight her corner. Let him call the police - they will laugh at him!

Original poster

noideawhy · 06/12/2013 18:46

he noticed damage on Sunday - contacted me on Thursday

letter was written in tone which meant to intimidate me

if I was to run a business from home and one of my clients damaged something - I would claim it on insurance and not threaten someone with Police

I would not insist on that person to visit my property to see the damage if they offer to pay a goodwill compensation

teachers who don't want to have any chance of damage to their property either teach at kids houses or as crazymum53 said - ask pupil to sit in the corner of room where tutoring happens

I am sure there's damage and I am sure someone did it, but the way he went about finding out who did it IMHO is at the least very unprofessional. Would teacher at school be talking like that to the parent of a pupil?

OP posts:

Original poster

noideawhy · 06/12/2013 18:50

I was replying to OpalTourmaline....

also one more point about not making up story about CCTV

distress would be that she would feel she was going mad if she didn't do it and he said he has a proof

(besides that would have been a lie on my part which in the whole story where I am trying to support her would send wrong message to her)

OP posts:

Original poster

noideawhy · 06/12/2013 18:51

what do you think may happen if I don't reply to him at all?

would ignoring his second email be a wise step for now?

OP posts:

longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 18:57

Noideawhy - i was't suggesting you lie and tell dd he has cctv. Just that you might consider speculating whether or not he has (sounds like he's weird enough to.

But what do you think of my suggestion that dd might have caused the marks - unwittingly?

LEMisafucker · 06/12/2013 18:57

I would just ignore him (well actually i would probalby tell him to fuck off but that may not be the most sensible approach!) What is he going to do? Its his word against yours - they are not going to send a swat team to your house to look for a red lipstick, or swab your DD for DNA so they can analyse it against traces found in the lipstick, they are really really not going to waste their time on this! He is being intimidating because he knows he is on a hiding to nothing. Do make sure you keep all of his emails to you and evidence of any contact he has with you.

Snakeoil · 06/12/2013 19:11

Please.....cut all communication and ignore, ignore, ignore.

Ponkin · 06/12/2013 19:50

Just call him for heaven's sake, hear him out and find out why he thinks it was your daughter who did it. Explain her side of the story and see if you can move on. I dont know why you would have immediately cancelled.

Communicating via email and letter is really not always the best way, it is hardto see how to take things people say.

Original poster

noideawhy · 06/12/2013 20:25

He's confirmed in his second email that he acknowledged my cancellation.

I have no pleasure in listening to someone saying aloud what he already spelled out. He isn't interested in a dialogue only monologue.

OP posts:

Jackthebodiless · 06/12/2013 21:10

Agree with pp that he should have insurance if his home is his place of work. Having said that, his story sounds implausible to me.

OpalTourmaline · 06/12/2013 21:15

Perhaps she thought she was writing on scrap and the sofa damage happened by
accident. She might have been annoyed with her brother or a third party? This sounds possible, especially as she is the only one who has had access to the room.

OpalTourmaline · 06/12/2013 21:17

Or "I h 8 u" is something a teenager might write as a doodle without it being directed at anyone in particular.

Original poster

noideawhy · 06/12/2013 21:31

according to the tutor - she was the only one person in that room in the last few weeks
still - his words against hers

OP posts:

longingforsomesleep · 06/12/2013 23:34

It seems to me that you have two choices:

Ignore. He hasn't got a leg to stand on and he may pester you for a bit but will, I imagine, eventually give up and leave you alone (anybody's guess as to how long this might take).

Speak to him. Not making excuses for him, but who knows what's going on in his life to make him react like this. If you speak to him and perhaps look at the damage you may be able to get to the bottom of what has happened and resolve this.

Your choice entirely of course, but I would go for option 2 as I'd prefer a short confrontation with the potential to sort out what has happened, than the stress of knowing that someone is going to keep pestering me about something. You may be able to tell by looking at the damage whether it is lipstick or something else, or whether it looks like accidental or deliberate marking. Quite frankly I'd be curious to see what the hell he's talking about!!

But as I said, your choice.

hillian · 07/12/2013 08:06

I doubt he's made the story up because he's unsigned and wants to cause you distress or is hoping for his sofa to get a free professional clean. If he was that tight then he would not have so easily given up the regular money you were paying him.

He probably has found some marks and is genuinely upset. However, that does not mean that your DD did it.

In his place, I would probably want to show the parent too and communicate the unhappiness that has been caused.

He is the victim but he's mistaken in thinking that your DD did it to him. So, you need to put him right about that and let him get on with finding the true culprit.

hillian · 07/12/2013 08:07

unhinged, not unsigned! Damn autocorrect!

freeezing · 07/12/2013 12:00

If no one had been in the room for weeks, could the damage not have happened weeks earlier but only been noticed on Sun?

He might not be a nutter and might be quite sincere in thinking your dd did it. But equally, he needs proof it was your dd to demand compensation/threaten the police, so in that sense he is being unreasonable.

If it was me, once I'd spoken to dd and ascertained she didn't do it, I'd speak to him personally and just say that sorry, I don't believe it was dd and if he wishes to involve the police that's entirely up to him, but it seems like wasting police time to me. And that by the way, if he chooses to run a business from home, he should have proper liability insurance. And that the cost of your lost business (and that of anyone who asks you for tutor recommendations) will cost far more than the cost of the sofa!

Personally, I'd feel sorry for him. He seems like a bit of an idiot. (ie not very good at making money from his business.)

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