Please tell me your positive experiences of the local, very average comp.

[AnotherTeacherMum]

So I have 2 dc, they are bright (not MN standard genius:)) and are well behaved (I give them no choice!! but they are nice kids IMO!).

They go to a primary which on paper is v average but I think is amazing and has kids from a VERY mixed catchment- from million pound houses to v deprived council estates. The local secondary has a simliar catchment They are very switched on re bullying, good parent/teacher relationships and I mainly love it because it is a nice, happy places for my kids to be.

I have always been a big believer that well supported kids from happy homes will do well wherever. I am training as a primary teacher and feel this even more strongly after my experiences at schools.

So why am I letting all the school gate angst make me feel my kids will not be absolutely fine at our local, pretty average (on paper, but who knows in practice?) comprehensive?

My main reservation is that my ds, who is the oldest, is very quiet and bookish- likes music, art, not really into football etc- I'm more worried about bullying, peer pressure etc than academics. Also, our primary is on the border for 4 local authorities which means the kids do tend to go off to lots of different secondaries, so only a couple from their school will go to any one high school.

Going for anything other than the local comprehensive would mean hours travelling and/ or bankrupting ourselves with school fees which I feel is really damaging to family life- my parents did all that so we could go private and I always felt I would have done just as well and been happier at the local school. Am I being naive?

Please reassure me that I'm being ridiculous and to follow my instincts and go with the local comprehensive school.

I sent my elder DD to a grammar miles away but at the time had I known how good our local comp was, I may well have sent her there. My younger DD now goes there. She has tended to make friends with nice well behaved girls like herself.

Do your best to find out about the school. Ask other Mumsnetters? Read Ofsted reports, the school website and most importantly visit the school. Go past at opening and home time - how do the students behave, are the teachers visible?

Thanks Beingfluffy.

I've done all the ofsted/website stuff and my conclusion is that it looks v average- we live in the area where the school is and behaviour etc is quite mixed- some very sensible, polite kids about after 3.30, some a bit more... lively :)

I do thing schools can suffer and benefit from reputations undeservedly... its hard to get past this!

I agree that the sensibly behaved kids tend to stick together too.

We sre in in NI and at the time my DD did the 11+ snd hot sn A so could have got into sny grammer. But she is quiet and anxious and I didnt wsnt he to have the pressure our licsl grsmmar puts the children under.

She goes to our local High school (comp) which has a terrible reputation through gossip. Shes going into 4th year.

I cant praise it enough. She hss slways bern in classes with the ssme scademicslly minded children. There are mixed classes for vocational studies.

She has like minded friends. The school is very open with bullying. They admit it happens, like in all schools, but take it very seriously and its stopped incredibly quick.

There is s wider range of subjects to do and I think they get mire comunity based visits etc.

The school always awards good behaviour wuyh s merit scheme, cinema tickets etc.

Gah! Sorry didnt proof read, on phone!

Is it possible to make an appointment to see the HT or visit the school? I know our local comp does this outside of the admissions round because they really want kids with supportive parents.

I thought my local comp was terrible because of the reputation it had when I was at school. Also the kids were so badly behaved on the local buses it really put me off; but things have improved dramatically over the last few years as it was so bad it got a super-head.

I think I will try and visit on an 'ordinary' day- there's an open night in late Sep which we'll go to, but I think we might get a better idea from a visit.

Cocolepew- thanks. You make a really good point about not wanting the pressure- ds is bright but doesn't deal well with pressure, it really makes him just back off from things. He also took a long time to make a group of friends when he started primary- although now he has a small, but really nice group of friends. Sadly though, I think they will be split over a few schools after Y6.

My 12yo goes to our local, very bog standard comp. Around here many people go to great lengths to flee the local comps. dd is odd and quirky, a bit geeky. I could easily imagine her getting left out or bullied. She's not one to fit in with the average 12yo girl crowd. She's just coming to the end of yr7 and she's had a fantastic time there so far, she's been happy, made lots of friends, doing well in various lessons, done lots of new activities. So far, so good. And it's a short walk or cycle ride away so she's home every day at 3.15 which is a huge plus in terms of quality of life. Lots of time and energy for out of school activities.

randomfennel - thanks. That's another big thing- being home before 4pm means they get some down time, can do activities and aren't under huge time pressure with homework. I hate the idea of them not getting home from school until 5.30- 6pm.

Don't listen to us :) ... what I mean, is I think you need to talk to local parents in your area about your local school. Seek our parents with kids a bit like yours, especially, but just 2-4 yrs older.

I am an nosy Parker & pump everyone I meet for info what they think of their child's school. Our local secondary has 43% GCSE pass rates. They seem to have (at least one who went to local 6th form college) leavers each year who ends up accepted to Oxbridge 2 yrs later. I hear glowing stories about it (and some awful stories, but most of those are increasingly dated). I hear glowing & terrible stories about every other secondary school locally, private or state. No matter how good or bad their GCSE results & Ofsted reports.

DD will end up (I think) at the local secondary school especially because she does lots of clubs & they keep her happy; I think it would be terrible to make her give them up in favour of masses of homework & commuting.

These are my experiences.
It doesn't matter that he won't know many people to begin with, he soon will.

Your DS will meet and make friends with other like minded boys. It doesn't matter whether he is quiet and bookish or sporty and outgoing there will be others the same.

They bend over backwards to help the new year 7s to settle in, transition from primary is a high priority.

Big comps hide pockets of geekiness, artiness, musicality, sportiness - and laziness !
DD is very driven and thriving - she and her friends are known as the geek girls. She's been bullied but recognises that the bullies are just jealous so it washes over now and they have picked lesser targets.
DS is less motivated but a big mixed school has SO MANY options because they have to cater for all types, and all types of parents.

I am a real advocate of sending my kids to the local schools. To be part of the community and make local friends and to be able to get to school easily and quickly (my boys have a tendency to wander off after school). But i reckon if you have brought your children up nicely and well behaved or 'bookish' or academic they will seek similar children out at whatever school they go to. I know i did and i went to a right old rough conveyor belt type comp.

My 3 DCs went to the local comp, in fact it is a bit below average but there is a Hobson's choice of one.

All 3 DCs have found their place in the school. DD1 is very academic and found that once GCSEs started the n'er do wells dropped out quite a lot which meant that she found herself for some subjects in very small class room groups.

No problem whatsoever with bullying. All 3 DCs know exactly what the disciplinary steps are and know that the school follows them.

The downsides are academic:
DD1 has had to work hard to get the teaching she needs. We have had to be very active in pointing out where teachers arent keeping their side of the bargain. Unfortunately the school hasnt always attracted the best teachers and the management of the school has been slow to recognise this.

Now that DD1 has finished GCSEs she is moving to a different and far higher achieving school for A levels. I have heard that this is where the academic side really matters.

I am very glad my kids go to the local average comp. It saves loads and loads of cash, which is useful now DC1 is at Uni. It also gives kids a sense of pride when they do well, often local comps have lots of streamed classes so your kids can end up in the 'correct' classes. Average comps often have a broader range of courses.

My kids school is a 5 min walk away, which is really fantastic. means I can stay in my jammies Local School = local friends .
If you go to an average comp your kids can be eligible to go on various subsidised courses in year 12, such as Sutton trust etc. these are invaluble for uni applications.

I don't believe bullying is more or less common at different Types of school?

We used to live overseas and my kids went to fancy private schoolS but they all say their favourite school is our lovely local 'average' comp.

(I would be lying to say there were no disadvantages ......... Such as.....the school is not great on giving feedback, there have been problems with teachers being off, excessive use of supply teachers and a bit of a rubbish IT department.)

ATM, you sound like me

Go and follow your instincts, and come back and post next year so I can follow in your footsteps, please!

Mine are all at, or went through, our local comp, which will never make further up than mid-range in the league tables.

The academic one came out with a string of A/A* and is at a good uni.
The not as academic one was encouraged to make good choices and is now in a job he loves.

Those currently there are doing fine and are benefiting from the range activities for all abilities and mix of people. Exactly what comps are supposed to do :)

Although there have been bullying-type incidents the school have a strong policy and act on it.

DS went to a below average school in terms of achievement, that served quite a challenging catchment, but I don't think it was a bad school and in some respects it was quite a good school - small classes, dedicated staff, low staff turnover. Whilst low achieving overall, some of the very able children - not DS who is more of a bright average - did exceedingly well, and DS did better than I would have expected from when he left primary school. And like fluffy's DD, DS became friends with some very nice polite boys that he is still in touch with (while reading about some of the rougher boys in the court reports of the local rag).

The only downside that I could think of is that, because it was quite a small school, there were fewer options than there would have been in a larger school.

A few of my daughters primary year went to Grammers. They are now year 11, just left. One has since moved away but, of the others, one is doing very well, one not working very hard so will probably get B/C grades and one has gone off the wall - will also probably get B/C grades but parents are worried for A levels as there seems little hope currently of turning her around by September. And she hasn't applied for sixth form at the Grammer - she just wants to escape (back to the local friends here who she has always missed.

Not one of the clever students I know that came to the comp instead of the Grammer are doing badly - indeed they all passed Maths with A/A star early!

The Grammer children have all given up 2 hours to travel per day to go there and I cannot see they have had that many extra experiences - our local comp has great music, drama, fashion and art. I suppose we don't have such a good debating team or choices of languages (we have two, they have four, I think)

So, I still think, if the comp is good or outstanding with a decent number of top grades and plenty of extra curricular it's not worth going to Grammer unless on your doorstep.However, some parents prefer to have children at Grammer and also for them to have the school name forever on their CV.

It really is a difficult call and depends on so much, including the child.

My dc don't go to an average comp but I've worked in 2 average comps in the past few years. As long as the school has a good policy about bullying and the leadership team are good at following up on discipline then everything will be fine. One of the 'average' comps I worked in would have been superb for my kids to go to, the other I wouldn't have touched with a barge pole, so what it looks like on paper isn't necessarily what it will be like in practice.

Your ds will definitely find boys with similar interests to him to be freinds with so don't worry about that. I think about my y7 form and there are 7 boys that are the sporty, football playing type, 3 or 4 that I know I will have problems with as they get older and 6 that are quiet and bookish (of varying abilities, the bookish ones aren't necessarily the brightest but they are the ones I find easiest to deal with)

The vast majority of people in this country I reckon send their children to the local comprehensive school.

Especially if the other options are private you can't afford or travelling for hours!

Don't imagine all the hand-wringing you read on MN is representative of parents as a whole; most of us are fine with our local schools.

Thank you- I think deep down I knew it would be fine!!! I think I'll just close my ears at the school gate from now on!!

I have spoken to a couple of parents at school pick up today who have older dc and who are perfectly happy with the school.

Will go and visit after summer but this thread has reminded me why I was so in favour of local schools, I really do think that long travelling, money stress (and the pressure that puts on dc) outweigh educational benefits of other schools. Elibean- hopefully I will be back in a couple of year to tell all about our positive experiences

There is no reason IN PRINCIPLE why the school would not be good for your child. I would also take very seriously the argument that its really close; also the saving on fees can partly at least be put into activities that are enriching at family level, going to exhibitions, the Theatre, making buying books a commonplace event. And so forth

IN PRACTICE you need to check the school out yourself, as indeed you are doing. I would point out that some fee paying schools are terrible; and a "good enough" state school an easy commute away has a lot to be said for it.

PROUD PARENT WARNING

My daughter who went to just such a school, has just got her 2.1 in English and History from UEA. How smug am I?....

Congratulations nlondondad.

A huge part of me wishes I felt so confident about comps, but I was geeky, bullied, hated school, truanted but got good grades and went to a great uni. My parents thought I thrived there. I didn't. The idea of my children having to face every day as if it were an ordeal has made me scrutinise the local schools within an inch of their lives, and the ones on the shortlist are now all indies.

In theory comps are great. In practise, my personal concern is that huge peer pressure is put on pupils not to try hard or excel.

But please don't think there is no bullying at private schools- there is. So don't relax your vigilance!

Teenage girls can be pretty horrible. There was a group of girls in my class at grammar school who would pick a victim to gang up against and make her life a misery. So, I suppose it can happen anywhere. Interesting how no parents seem to worry about their child actually being the bully.