school refusal

[rainsuncloud]

My DS started secondary school in September, was ok for first term, but then they changed some classes around and he wasn't with anyone he knew, he has as and found the change very hard to deal with. Since then his anxiety has become very bad and he doesn't trust the Teachers as they keep saying things to help him, but arn't totally true, or doesn't happen. He is now petrified of school and feels he doesn't have any friends and that no one likes him, he has been off a lot, due to not being able to phsicially get him into school. He gets hysterical and has panic attacks and gets himself in such a state and is shaking all over. He has been forced into school and the Sen teachers were helping, but have now been told not to help force him in, as they literally had to help me get him out of the car. I have seen a doctor and he has been referred to Camhs. DS wants to be home schooled, but I am unsure and nearly everyone I speak to is against it. Any one got any suggestions to help please. The Teachers do say that he is ok once he is in school, but he says he is still petrified, but just has to put up with it and shakes through some of the lessons.

miamoo - this happened to me with my dd, in year 8/9. Everyone assumed that there was bullying but it never came to light that this was the case. I just couldn't get to the bottom of it other than to believe it was part of an epic teenage rebellion that really boiled down to dd just not liking school because she didn't like doing school work. No special needs or learning difficulties, assessed by CAMHS, no diagnosis. The situation bought the whole family to the brink of breakdown, it was awful, so you have my sympathies.

As a 'survivor' of a situation like this I'd suggest the following: get the attendance officer at the school involved as much as possible, get the school onside. Keep them briefed as to what is going on. Don't let it get physical and don't lose control of yourself (as I did - ended up screaming and crying on occasion in utter desperation about the situation, and lost my dd's respect for doing so). Follow a set routine of trying to get her up in the morning. If she won't get up you can't make her - you really can't, so don't be doing stuff like trying to get her pyjamas off or get her out of bed by pulling her out. Ask her 'are you school refusing'? If she says yes phone the school and leave a message with the attendance officer. Ask for a meeting with the head of year and your dd to discuss a way forward.

My dd is in year 11 now and is attending full-time. It's a huge relief. I think school refusal isn't generally a long term thing.

this is a great resource read the leaflets go into school set up a plan

www.westsussex.gov.uk/learning/west_sussex_grid_for_learning/management_info__services/inclusion_and_sen/advice_and_guidance_on_additio/emotionally_based_school_refus.aspx