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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Bereavement in schools - help!!

146 replies

missdisorganised1 · 09/01/2011 08:30

It has been 11 months since my Mum and Dad were killed. My Nan and Granddad looked after me after the accident until I was 18 but since I was 18 (October last year) I have been living in the family home on my own.

The school staff know all this so why do I still get some school letters addressed to my Mum and Dad. The last one only this last Friday. I?ve tried ignoring it, mentioning it to the Head of the Sixth Form and I even wrote to the Chair of Governors (who wrote back to my parents rather than me which was a "nice" touch)

I am just getting so stressed by this and need to vent somewhere. Sorry!

OP posts:

lemonmousse · 25/08/2011 22:23

Well done on your fantastic results! I'm another one who hasn't posted on your thread before but I have followed it - I think you are an amazing and very grounded young lady and I wish you every success for the future - you really deserve it.

Original poster

missdisorganised1 · 30/08/2011 12:21

I am going to have to move out earlier than planned. It was going to be September 10 but now they want to be in September 8th. So I will move to Gran and Grandads for about 2 weeks until I go off to uni. The house is being let furnished so that is one less problem for me. I promised the two local Mumsnetters who have helped me that I will post at least once a month so I will post again soon, perhaps after the induction week?

OP posts:

Waltons · 30/08/2011 22:47

Non-local Mumsnetters will still be waiting for news from you!

Original poster

missdisorganised1 · 04/09/2011 10:13

Today is my last day in the family home. I'm off to live with my Nan and Granddad until the Induction Week starts at the university. There is no internet at their house so I will have to go to the library for access until it can all be sorted out. I am trying to stay positive. I know there is lots to look forward to, it just I never thought I would have to it on my own. I've said goodbye to the neighbours and explained about the house being rented out. One said "Do you need planning permission for that?".
I will post again after the Induction Week.

OP posts:

Original poster

missdisorganised1 · 24/09/2011 11:06

My first week at university went OK. I had a bit of a wobble when I saw all the parents helping their children move boxes from the family car to their new rooms. I really really wish my Mum and Dad could have been with me.

Doing the social and academic activities as me "the new student" and not as me "the orphan" was an important step for me but it still feels strange when the other students talk about phoning home or getting money from their parents. I just look interested but keep my dark secret to myself at least until I know them better.

OP posts:

hackneyLass · 25/09/2011 10:23

So glad it is going well - an exciting step. You can define yourself however you like.

You'll find people in a far wider range of situations than at school - older students, students estranged from their families, living miles away etc. Once I was 18 I was on my own, I hardly saw my family and certainly didn't live in their houses again. Holidays were spent working then travelling with friends, going to festivals, hitchhiking through Europe etc - all fantastic fun.

I had already had to be quite independent and found a lot of the students in the first year really babyish - going out and getting drunk night after night because there was no-one to tell them what time to come home , not being able to use a washing machine or clean a house. But they shaped up and it got better.... I also started making friends outside university who shared my interests [feminism, music, film making] and that gave me more stability as they were living in the city permanently.

Please let us all know how it is going.....

promomum · 25/09/2011 10:57

I haven't posted before, but have been following your thread with sympathy - you've done so well.

There are some excellent books and websites around which give loads of advice about being a landlady - worth you reading up if you haven't already done so - something like www.amazon.co.uk/Landlords-Survival-Guide-Practical-Handbook/dp/1845282248/ref=pd_sim_b4

Sorry if I'm being patronising, but there are quite a few things you'll need to make sure you do, like getting a gas safety certificate and putting the tenants' deposit in a deposit protection scheme. I hope the letting agents will have advised you on this, but if not, there are some very good sources of information like the book above - plus you can always post on MN in the property or legal/money section as there are quite a few people around who let out properties and could advise.

Very best of luck at freshers' week and in your studies.

JWIM · 25/09/2011 11:35

Hi Missd

Have a great time at university and enjoy defining yourself as you are now - an independent, academically able and capable young woman. If you want to keep us posted on how it is going, that would be lovely, but don't feel you have to.

empirestateofmind · 25/09/2011 12:38

I have been following too and am really pleased it is all going well. I would suggest letting your university tutor know the situation (or ask student counselling to tell them) so they can keep an eye out for you and so they don't say something insensitive inadvertently.

londontoyco · 25/09/2011 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Conundrumish · 25/09/2011 22:18

Well done MissD. Glad you are doing OK.

Nuttychicken · 07/10/2011 22:35

Hi Miss D,

Just wanted to drop in to say hi. I haven't been around for a while but I am still thinking of you and wishing you well.

I am so pleased to hear you made it to Uni and I hope you are enjoying student life! You are truly a superstar and I wish you every happiness for the future. You have every reason to be very proud of yourself and your achievements.

Original poster

missdisorganised1 · 22/10/2011 16:41

An update!

I've been a bit lonely today. Most of my new university friends seem to have gone home for the weekend which is nice for them but which makes me feel different. It is the feeling different that is harder to cope with than the sadness. Sadness drop by drop fades a bit each day but the feeling different seems to stay the same.

The course is going fine. I've started to notice that some students are already starting to fall behind with the work. They stay out late every night and I've no idea how they can afford it!

OP posts:

GRW · 22/10/2011 21:52

Thanks for coming back to update us, and I'm glad you're enjoying your course. Your life experience must make you feel different from your friends, which is hard to cope with. I hope you've got some friends around you who you can talk to, and someone to spend the evening with tonight.

bossboggle · 22/10/2011 22:13

Hi Miss D, Congratulations on your results, all us mumsnetters are SO SO PROUD of you!! The ones who are partying will find it difficult to catch up on things and their work - I know my friend's daughter failed her final year because of the partying etc - a right shock!! Your life experience is so much different from your friends but it makes you who you are - an outstanding young lady who is able to stand on her own two feet and make her way in the world - you should be so proud of yourself - keep working hard but remember to have some relaxation time along the way!! Some 'me' time!! Keep everyone posted when you can. Virtual cuddle!!

funnyperson · 22/10/2011 22:15

Well done MissD you are amazing! I also think you are quite modest because you call yourself miss disorganised but actually you are organised!

funnyperson · 22/10/2011 22:22

Also, Miss D did the family who rented out your house extend their contract to 9 months? Only I am thinking it would be nice for you not to have to worry till July. Perhaps you could write the letting agent a little note asking about it or even ring up the people.

I hope you didn't get freshers flu too badly. My DD did and it lasted two weeks so I asked her to see her uni doctor. Two weeks is too long for flu. Remember to register with your uni doctor and make sure your vaccines are up to date before winter sets in. Lots of hugs keep going. x

funnyperson · 22/10/2011 22:30

What do you think of your classes, D? What do you think of your tutors? Have you sassed the library and got enough money for your textbooks? Have you decided what extra currics to stick with?

Original poster

missdisorganised1 · 23/10/2011 10:12

At 9PM I got so bored sitting on my own that I went outside to look to see how many lights were on in the student rooms. Not many but I went back in and knocked on the doors that matched the lights and I managed to get 3 other people to go with me to a local pub for a drink and a chat. It did me good and I hope it did them good as well!

Funnyperson - The man in the family that have rented my house is a mature student at the same university as me. He is doing a PhD so might want the house for 3 years which would suit me. Money still seems to be in short supply partly because I do need to have a car to keep my life under control. Helping Nan and Granddad would be so much harder if I had to use buses or walk. But cars seem mega expensive to tax and insure and fill up with petrol. The course and the academic staff are all fine.

OP posts:

Conundrumish · 26/10/2011 20:59

Well done MissD - you sound very together for a fresher - and well done for finding some fellow pub-mates! I'm glad it's all going well.

Loshad · 27/10/2011 20:48

MissD, well done for being brave enough to go and look for pub mates, that takes some doing.
Glad the course is going ok, and folk will soon stop going home for the weekends so much.
Keep going - you should be an inspiration to the rest of the freshers

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