Mid Feb birthday to defer or not to defer for primary one

[Foreverundecided]

One of my DC will be 4 mid Feb so I have to decide in the next week if I will defer or not

I've been debating for months

DC is very bright and social and I don't think they would struggle socially in a school setting

However I stayed home the first couple of years so they literally will have had only a year and 6 weeks at nursery before school whereas my older DC got two full years at nursery

Also I had no idea how common it was to defer now and I worry he will be 4 with children coming up for 6

Does anyone still send their Feb babies at 4 ?

We deferred DS1 as an end of Jan birthday. He would have been ready for P1 last year in terms of social and academic but we considered it across all years and from speaking to friends who are teachers it's towards the end of primary and secondary where they really struggle.

He started P1 this August and the difference is massive he can sit still and is much better listening to tasks.

There is 1 child in his class who are a full year younger then him but he is not the oldest with 3 kids now 6.

It really will depend on your area, in ours Jan and Feb deferral is the norm, with about 30% also now deferring late Aug to Jan.
In DS's nursery he was the only deferral however. I think some of the deferral stats are likely to be skewed for the next few years due to covid impact and they are the age which were born or babies during lockdowns.

Depending on your council you might be able to apply for both deferral and P1 place ours certainly allows it you then decide by April I think.

I'm currently pregnant due in March and I've already decided that if baby comes early like their sibling did and it's a February baby that I'll defer. My birthday is early march and I went to school at 4. I really feel like socially it would've benefited me being the oldest than the youngest. I was so shy etc and it took for me to get picked on to eventually start standing up for myself when I got to high school. I know that's not the same for everyone and all children are different. I was maybe just shy anyway as a child but that was my experience.

My niece is a mid Feb baby. She started when she was 4 & had no problems. She was ready for school though. She never suffered being the youngest in the class & sailed through her school years both academically & socially. She actually loved the fact she was the youngest

As PP has mentioned you need to not just think about P1.
Think across their whole school career. Youngest starting secondary school, youngest sitting exams, youngest leaving home and going to university

100% defer. Why purposely put your child at a potential disadvantage for all of their academic life?

My sister was not deferred and my mum always regretted it. It was such a shame for her when at uni when she couldn't get into the bars with all her friends.

With so many Aug-Dec birthdays deferring now, you'd be putting them at a serious disadvantage by not deferring. They could end up being the youngest by months.

With the system now making a possible 18 month age range, deferring a feb birthday would be the difference between the absolute youngest and a mid range birthday.

This is my current dilemma with my December born child. I'm pretty annoyed that Aug-Dec can be automatically deferred. It makes me feel like I need to when this wasn't the case not that long ago 😭

everyone I know who deferred is confident they did the right thing

the few who didn’t regret it

I deferred my youngest who has a mid February birthday despite nursery saying she was ready for school. Siblings who teach say that they dont know anyone who regretted deferring but plenty who regretted not deferring. I switched her to a new nursery for her additional nursery year. They were super. She wasnt bored at all. Learned to swim and ride a two wheeler

My sister was not deferred and my mum always regretted it. It was such a shame for her when at uni when she couldn't get into the bars with all her friends.

She could just have taken a gap year if she was that bothered about getting into bars as a student.

Seems the problem isn't the age at which children start school in Scotland, but the age they leave.

Have you asked the nursery staff their thoughts at all? I think nursery staff have to have similar education qualifications to teachers now so they should have a good idea of whether your dc is ready.

one of my parents is a primary teacher, definitely defer.

As there is an increase in deferred children aug to dec I would absolutely defer a Feb born. The age range is now too large. It’s gone from 14 months to 18 months (minimum). This is from a parent of a non deferred Feb who has done v well. Today I would not send them to school at age 4.

I didn’t defer my January born DD despite misgivings.
She did great through primary school until p7 when the difference between her and her peers became more obvious, she was still interested in play and they weren’t and bullying etc reared it’s head.
Owing to covid we ended up retaking S1 at a different school and now the problem is the opposite, she feels too mature compared to her peers. So I’m afraid you’re likely damned if you do, damned if you don’t. My DD is wanting to skip 6th year and go to uni early as she feels she’s outgrown school.

my advice? Have a july baby

I have had both experiences as DC was very sick as a child and ended up moving to a new school and starting in the new school in a lower year. I am delighted it worked out this way, as he was so much more able for and more confident about starting secondary school and dealing with exam pressure and the social aspect of school. He was the oldest in his class for a while in primary but in secondary he is not. He still has 2 more years to go whereas when I was his age I was in my final year of school and had to make up my mind about careers and university, and I was so clueless. He is thinking about those things now but he has lots of time left to decide, and investigate options. I would definitely defer. I'm in Ireland, so our system is slightly different.

Don’t have any personal experience with my kids but I went to school at aged 4, my birthday is end of feb. Some of my friends are a year older than me but I’ve never felt the difference and have probably done better academically than all of them. I would say if your in doubt tho I would probably err on the side of caution and defer, I don’t think you’ll ever regret giving that little bit extra time x

I repeated year 8 moving from a secondary modern to a grammar school and went from being young in my year to being old. It was very helpful.

I sent my Jan girl at 4, despite being a huge lover of the Scandi ways and wish that all our kids didn’t go until 6/7. But our system isn’t at all set up for that imo. DD was/still is one of the tallest in the class, and was academically bright, I felt that had we kept her a year, she’d have towered over the younger children and been a bit out of step interpersonally. No way to know if we were right (other than looking at the height of the p4s in the class below!) or how she will manage come high school etc. She definitely still likes to play when some other 9yr old peers are already outgrowing that, but I think that’s family cultures and norms more than age, most in her year still seem childlike despite birth order.

Have had three kids go through the school system in Scotland, have never met one single parent who regretted deferring a January or February child. Ever.

Met plenty who sent their 4.5 year old and wished they'd deferred though.

We didn't know such a thing as gap years existed. Nobody did one at our school. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And she always seemed very young compared to her peers so not just the drinking thing was the issue.

I deferred my youngest ( early February birthday) and I’ve never regretted it.
All my children were fairly quiet and shy, I didn’t want him to be the youngest in the class. I looked into it quite deeply and grilled the nursery on what they could offer, they were very confident in that and were true to their word.
We also realised that the age difference would really kick in when starting S1.
He’s just graduated with a BA Hons in Music and we are still in touch with his wonderful nursery teacher.
If I ruled the world I would definitely follow the Scandinavian model of not starting formal schooling until 7.

She could just have taken a gap year if she was that bothered about getting into bars as a student.

At 17 she would be limited in jobs she could apply for to earn money for travel and very young to be travelling on her own too - eg easyJet require you to be over 18 to make a booking.