Mid Feb birthday to defer or not to defer for primary one

[Foreverundecided]

One of my DC will be 4 mid Feb so I have to decide in the next week if I will defer or not

I've been debating for months

DC is very bright and social and I don't think they would struggle socially in a school setting

However I stayed home the first couple of years so they literally will have had only a year and 6 weeks at nursery before school whereas my older DC got two full years at nursery

Also I had no idea how common it was to defer now and I worry he will be 4 with children coming up for 6

Does anyone still send their Feb babies at 4 ?

I think it's hard to make a decision until they're a little older.

I think this is the problem @MusicCrayon . It's a tough decision at age 4 and I'm glad I never had to make it.
My DD has 2 friends with January birthdays whose parents regret not deferring. Both have older siblings and seemed socially very ready for school and coped fine in P1.
But as they progressed through primary they both struggled, one educationally and one emotionally. By P4 both sets of parents were saying they wished they'd deferred.
By P7 they seemed much younger than the rest of the friendship group.
This will surely become more of an issue with a wider spread of ages in a year group now?

The saying you never meet anyone who regretted deferring but you'll meet plenty who regret not doing so is very true!

I presume they are not applying to study medicine there then!

A friend's daughter with a December birthday applied to Oxbridge and was accepted to start after S6 when she was 17.5, she was never one for drinking but was unable to take part in most of the freshers things as she was so young. She was one of few Scottish students and didn't meet any others who weren't 18 yet. Because of the different English cut off, the very youngest in that cohort were 18 by the end of August before starting uni, many were already 19 and those who had taken a gap year were 20. Not saying the OP's child won't do well, but it's something to consider.

My eldest's bitrhday is in the first few days of March, had he been born a few days earlier we would have had to consider this. If you don't defer a Jan/Feb birthday they are always the last to hit all the milestones of things associated with an age rather than a school year - right from joining cubs/brownies through to getting a national insurance number, starting driving lessons, being able to vote or buy a drink in a pub legally.

In this area it is very common for Jan/Feb birthdays to be deferred.

My grandson has a mid February birthday and his parents decided to defer. The nursery staff advised that academically he would be fine, but he was emotionally young and might struggle. I was doubtful because I thought he would be fine. I was wrong. It was the right decision. He started primary one this August and is coping really well. You know your child better than anyone so be guided by the nursery and your own feelings.

I think if it is a tough decision, then parents should defer. It wasn't a difficult decision here. My child was ready and they have proven that throughout their education. They take part in activities that span year groups and have a good friend group. The evidence shows children can perform better if deferred but there are also children who are ready. I'm not sure how my child would've benefitted from being deferred.

On the socialising, I know lots of students who weren't 18 when they went to uni in England and NI and didn't have an issues socialising. I think it depends on the child and their interests too.

And no, I didn't think to defer my child in case they were Oxbridge material and wanted to do medicine.

All I'm saying is that it depends on the child.

And no, I didn't think to defer my child in case they were Oxbridge material and wanted to do medicine.

It is not that you should defer your child just in case that was their aim. It is that there are impacts that arise from not deferring despite your protestations and having to take a year out if they wanted to study medicine at Oxbridge is one.

I don't know anyone who regrets deferring tbh.

I wish I had.

2 of mine were only 17 going to uni/college, fake id's are not what they were in the 90's 😂 and it definitely hindered their initial leaving home experience.

One small potential impact. If that's the only one someone can think of, I think I made the right choice!

Until not so long ago it would be unthinkable to put a child under 3 in a nursery let alone a baby. Nowadays that is perfectly normal and acceptable, rightly or wrongful. So people will have to equally get used to the idea that nearly 6 year olds are perfectly entitled to still be in a nursery setting if their parents so choose. I think it is no less outrageous and arguably less so than a baby or a two year old being there before their time.

This is why we are deferring our late December dc. I have spoken to teachers of secondary school children who have found it causing issues for children at that point.

I feel that it works out fine for some, but am not willing to take the risk.

Perhaps she didn't want/could not afford a gap year then, or wanted to move into university with her friends. It is difficult to be "othered" within your peer group.

My nephew is a late January birthday and he was deferred; educationally he would have coped with school but emotionally he was too young. My friend's twin girls are a week younger than him and weren't deferred but have thrived at school. It's really down to the individual child what is right.

We deferred our mid Feb child and never once regretted it. As others have said it’s when they leave school that it can be an issue.
Never met anyone who regretted deferring but have met a few who regretted not deferring or worse still where there child had to repeat a year.

Did you make a decision @Foreverundecided? I’m deferring my Nov born DS. I have a lot of friends that are teachers/work in early years and every single one says to defer and have deferred their own children if it’s been possible. The majority of DSs nursery class are spring/summer birthdays. He was one of only a handful who started nursery in the January for his finished hours. Academically I don’t think he’d have any issues but I’d rather he had another year to work on his social/emotional skills etc.

In our area, school applications are open now. Deferral paperwork needs submitted by Dec and you can withdraw it at any time until the start of term (although after a certain date they are not guaranteed a place in their catchment school). It’s worth speaking to your nursery and seeing if they do a school transition. Ours is joined to the primary school and they start transition in March so I’d want to be making any final decisions before then

@Pumpkinseason3 yes we have decided to defer
I spoke to the head of our older DCs school ( oldest DC April birthday ) and they advised to defer if we could
And after reading all replies and when I thought of it what reason do I have not to defer
It appears many regret not deffering but no one regrets doing so

Also our elder DC has a few November and December birthdays in his class and it's clear these children where also deferred

Thank you very much for any one who offered advice and shared their experiences

I actually went to school at 4 and was one of the youngest , academically this was no issue but Maturity and interest wise I defo felt it at secondary so thinking on this experience I wouldn't want my little one to grow up any quicker than necessary

Think about the age they will be in relation to their class mates at P7, then S6. Academically, I believe they do better being older but socially it raises other issues. Who wants to go through puberty 18 months ahead of everyone else and to be the oldest pupil in the school still there at nearly 19!

I regret deferring my DC for these reasons.

@Areolaborealis children go through puberty at a wide range anyway so find that a bit bizarre as 2 14 year old boys with exactly the same birthday one can have hit puberty the year before and the other not for another year. Many girls start periods before their 11th birthdays before academy if not deferred that still before academy.

Also a February deferral wouldn't finish school at nearly 19 they finish in June so they would be 18 and 4 months. Even a late August deferral (which the numbers currently are quite low) would be 18 and 10 months.
In England the latest to finish school is 18 and 9 months without deferral so not much difference.

I finished school at 18 and 4 months in England it definitely didn't feel weird at all.

How on earth was your DC nearly 19? I'm assuming they had particular needs which warranted starting school so late.

They leave school in May so your DC's birthday must have been in the summer, which would put them in the year below where they should be. That's not a deferral

I'm a primary teacher, defer.

I deferred my December born. He’s P3 now, My only regret is due to it being such a small school that a lot of his friends are p4,p5 and are no longer in his class. It’s a school with two classes, in a larger school this wouldn’t have been an issue.
I always remember our English teacher in high school saying the oldest children had the advantage of a larger vocabulary. I think 4 is really young to start school. My other two are may and July born so only has this decision to make once but I think anything August onwards I’d delay by a year.

@Areolaborealis he would be 18 at the latest presuming he left school from sixteen year

I went at 4, a uncondtional offer for uni after my 5th year and actually then left school and started university at 17 and in hindsight made my choice too young

He also would not be 18 months older than anyone

Presuming someone sent their Feb born child at 4 , the oldest he would be is 12 months older than them

Whereas if I send him at 4 and someone defers their October born child he could end up 14 months younger than some

@oknm @Greydayworries If you don’t mind me asking for your opinions as teachers - would you recommend deferring any kids who can? ie, any Sept-Feb borns who are 4 at the start of term? Or just the Jan/Feb kids?

My own children will be deferred and they're between September and February.

I wish that every parent in this predicament could see the 4 year olds in a classroom. It's true that many are fairly bright academically.

Being in the classroom isn't the only answer to education. Learning can be done at home in many ways, too. Key workers for children in their nursery should be looking to pursue their interests in a child-led way.

In my opinion, the extra year to allow for further emotional development is absolutely paramount.

I am October born and I wouldn’t defer an October born. Nov and Dec it would depend on the child. Jan and Feb I 90% likely would defer. For me physical size would be important along with emotional social and academic development. My summer born ds is tiny and it’s made sport hard. Right from p1 he was outrun and out-tackled in all mainstream sports due to his size (shortest in the year) giving him a real aversion to team sports. I would be more likely to defer a small winter child than a large one.

@oknm Thank you 😊 we have chosen to defer our Nov born child for exactly this reason. I’m getting a LOT of comments from friends/family though about how ridiculous I’m being (not that I care, my choice is made) 🙄😂 so I’m always interested to hear the options of teachers who actually see the difference in classrooms etc 😊

DS has just turned 4 and is definitely a bright boy academically and he’s able to do a lot of practical everyday things which I know a lot of his peers at nursery can’t quite yet (fully toilet & wipe, fully dress & fasten coat etc). So friends/family keep harping on about how I’m holding him back but he’s a very shy child and can be quite nervous so I just think an extra year of emotional maturity and an extra year to work on interacting with his peers will do him the world of good 🤷🏻‍♀️

His keyworker is incredible thankfully - as are all the staff at his nursery. They really do focus on the needs and interest of each child. They’re very much in favour of deferring all those that can.