Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Scotsnet

Welcome to Scotsnet - discuss all aspects of life in Scotland, including relocating, schools and local areas.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DC (aged 4) due to start school in a month and I'm not sure

83 replies

GloriousTechnicolour · 10/07/2020 11:42

I'm just wondering if anyone could share their experiences or insights into deferring a 4 year old starting primary 1.

My DC is 4, and is a late February birthday, so will almost certainly be the youngest in his year. He is due to start school in a month's time but I'm feeling anxious about it. His school is lovely and he is excited about going although doesn't really know what to expect. When he was at preschool they said he was ready for the challenge, totally fine to start etc, although he's obviously not been to preschool for 4 months now. My family is full of teachers who all say he's fine to go.

I just can't shake the feeling he's not ready and it's too young. He isn't interested in reading or writing, although his maths and spoken language are great. He is quite mature and sensible in many ways although lazy - doesn't want to dress himself etc. His friends are going this year and I'm worried he'll miss them loads. I have everything set up in terms of working hours/pick ups etc, have bought the uniform.

I'm so torn - does anyone have any experience either way? I don't want to disadvantage him if he's not ready and doesn't thrive, but at the same time it feels like a huge deal to decide to defer now.

OP posts:

KettlesReady · 10/07/2020 11:49

Both my boys have Feb birthdays and both were deferred. I didn't agonise over it at all though, imho 5 is too young to start formal school (would prefer it was 6 or 7 like some Nordic countries), nevermind 4. Also, I have a Jan birthday and was youngest in my year - academically I did well and was "ready" but socially was immature and
never fitted in. At high school most of my friends were in the year below (but closer to my age).

Original poster

GloriousTechnicolour · 10/07/2020 11:51

Thank you Kettles.

A few people mention about (particularly bright) deferred children being 'bored' and playing up a bit because they are not sufficiently challenged. Did you see any evidence of this?

OP posts:

OhioOhioOhio · 10/07/2020 11:52

It can be difficult in p7 when deferred children are more ready for secondary than their peers.

sleepyhead · 10/07/2020 11:54

I would have deferred. Ds1 was a Dec birthday and although he was ok and had no issues academically, he would definitely have had a better time being older.

Would you get a nursery place back this late on though?

Original poster

GloriousTechnicolour · 10/07/2020 12:04

I'm not sure about nursery. Might not get a state nursery place but he's been in a small private nursery until now and I think they would have space for him for their preschool year.

I'll speak to DH. Been back and forth over this same issue again and again....

OP posts:

readingallday · 10/07/2020 12:12

My DS is January baby and deferred, like @KettlesReady we didn't angst over it, as we'd much rather he's a bit older and a bit more confident at each stage from P1 right through to university. He's going into p7 now, has a brilliant group of friends, comfortable but not bored academically and I think it was one of the best parenting decisions we have made.
He definitely did not get bored with another year of nursery, he had a lovely time, made lots of new friends as others had gone to school and learned a lot through the nursery play.

Ishouldtryabiteachdayer · 10/07/2020 12:13

I'm in England, but the same thing I was worried. I actually applied to defer and was granted it for my DS as one of the youngest. His preschool said he was ready. So now I am sending him with his cohort.

Don't get me wrong Ds' writing is terrible, he hates doing it, although shows interest in letters. He has only a basic grasp of counting just to 10, but he is keen to go to big school. I will be worried, I think as actually I was one of the youngest, but I'm aware I need to support him with things. He had grown up so much in the last month and I feel I will work with the system we have here.

I'm doing things like reading some simple books following the words with my finger. We write his name ( try to) and count during play " wow that's loads of cars let's see how many."

I will really miss him and that's a part of it too. I think his preschool would be too young for him, he's been there since age 2.

ssd · 10/07/2020 12:16

I think boys being deferred is wise. I have 2 boys and there was always a rash of birthday parties to go to in late Jan and Feb. Boys are just a bit slower emotionally developing than girls at that age.

Also when he's still 13 and done if his pals are nearly 15 and going into town etc, do you really want that?

LemonBreeland · 10/07/2020 12:20

I've only ever heard people regret not deferring. I've yet to meet someone who regretted deferring. I know a lot of teachers who say the same. I think boys particularly struggle. It is much better to have another year to mature for school.

Whitelisbon · 10/07/2020 12:25

My daughter was 4 on 2nd March, so she's not starting school until next year.
I'm glad she wasn't born 2 days earlier, as she's physically ready, and very clever, but she's emotionally not ready yet, so it would be a difficult decision.
I'm late February, so was the youngest in my class all the way to the end of secondary, and I think I would have benefited from being deferred, I was very immature compared to the rest of my class, and had more friends in the year below.

FizzFan · 10/07/2020 12:30

I’ve got an older one for his year (April) and a younger one (November) and the gulf between them school wise has been huge.

It’s your choice but most people with Jan and Feb birthdays IME defer. But plenty also don’t and their kids are fine. Being bored at nursery is also a consideration but it still is only nursery, he’d be fine.

The other advantage in these weird times is that by next year school might be a more normal and fun experience.

FizzFan · 10/07/2020 12:31

I’ve known people regret deferring and my SIL is a head teacher and didn’t defer her two.

Original poster

GloriousTechnicolour · 10/07/2020 12:34

Thanks for all the comments - really appreciate it. Lots to mull over but I'll look into nursery provision and see what's available.

OP posts:

KettlesReady · 10/07/2020 12:51

A few people mention about (particularly bright) deferred children being 'bored' and playing up a bit because they are not sufficiently challenged. Did you see any evidence of this?

I haven't seen this with my own kids, but one is actually only starting P1 next month and the other has ASD and excels in some things and not in others, his attainment is so varied that he wouldn't fit with the average if he was a year up, either. But socially things would be even harder for him.

The only misgivings I have are about them being hulking great 12.5 year olds still in primary. But I think that's better for my kids than potentially heading to uni at 17.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 10/07/2020 12:57

My ds2 was an October birthday, so while technically I could have deferred, I wasn’t encouraged to. He was fine in about p1-3 but after that he seemed quite young socially and struggled more. I actually home ed now, but I really don’t think he would have been ready for secondary when he “should” have gone. Also there’s the question of them being 15 or 16 when they sit their exams in s4, and I think the extra year of maturity can really benefit them at that end of school.

PavlovaTescobar · 10/07/2020 13:09

I really wouldn't defer. I know a number of people who have deferred and bitterly regretted it as their child ends up being embarrassed at being a year or so older than the rest of their classmates. Some children are bullied for being held back because they are "stupid", rubbish of course, but school children can be very unkind. It's tough being 19 in sixth year when everyone else is 17 or 18.

ClerkMaxwell · 10/07/2020 13:14

I deferred DD 14 years ago. She would be described as bright but wasn't bored at nursery and didn't act up. We switched to a different nursery (private) for her last year. New nursery was super. She learned to swim and ride a bike. Had music and french classes and even learned a bit of reading and writing.

I have family who teach and they said they had never come anyone who regretted deferring but plenty who regretted not deferring .

Toomboom · 10/07/2020 13:22

Mine is a January birthday and I deferred him 15 years ago. He started school when he was 5yrs 7 months. No Sens or anything, extremely bright boy, he just wasn't ready emotionally for school. He went to nursery, who were more than happy to keep him for another year. He never got bored by two years of nursery. He wasn't the only one deferred. It is far more normal in Scotland than England.
Best thing I ever did for my son. He thrived once he started school.

CarelessSquid07A · 10/07/2020 13:22

I was deferred and was so bored I got referred to be checked for adhd etc as I was really disruptive.

Also got very angry with my new peers for being so slow. By secondary school I'd given up really and just sailed through on smarts rather than working hard.

Made for a big shock when I was finally challenged in College.

umberellaonesie · 10/07/2020 13:53

I have deferred by two February ds and wish i had been able to with my December ds.
It didnt make much difference at primary but sceondary was hard at the years difference obvious especially at exam time. Where as my February ds is sailing through, socially and academically, and in a pandemic. My Dec ds would have never coped doing exam syllabus on his own at home he barely coped in school and left at the end of 5th year due to social issues.
So my advice is if you can defer do

umberellaonesie · 10/07/2020 13:54

Oh but i do think the fact mine were boys influenced it. I am also a February birthday and excelled at school despite being the youngest and smallest.

KettlesReady · 10/07/2020 14:00

It's tough being 19 in sixth year when everyone else is 17 or 18
Is this common? If my DS is 12/13 in S1 he'll be 17/18 in S6.

umberellaonesie · 10/07/2020 14:06

@KettlesReady

It's tough being 19 in sixth year when everyone else is 17 or 18 Is this common? If my DS is 12/13 in S1 he'll be 17/18 in S6.

My son will turn 18 in 6th year. He is a February birthday been deferred. So 19 is not possible in the Scottish system even if you defer

thereplycamefromanchorage · 10/07/2020 14:07

I deferred my dc and never had any regrets. Like others have said, I have never met anyone who regretted deferral, but I have met people who regretted not deferring.

My dc was bright, but it was more the emotional maturity I was concerned about, and being really young in secondary and having to make life changing decisions too early. DC behaviour was fine in the extra year at nursery, and it's been a good decision. There are some kids who start to look much older and mature during the end of primary - but in my experience, it's not always the deferred children. Children mature at different ages, and there can be big differences.

user1471543683 · 10/07/2020 14:13

I think it is definitely down to the individual child and there are lots of factors to think about. Boy/girl, have they older siblings, how much input from parents does the child get. I've been in education for 25 years working in infants and some of the brightest mature kids were February birthdays. There have also been March birthday kids that were nowhere near ready for school too. My DD is a February birthday and went to school at 4 and a half. I've never regretted it and she gets on fine

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread