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Scotsnet

Welcome to Scotsnet - discuss all aspects of life in Scotland, including relocating, schools and local areas.

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Original poster

DC (aged 4) due to start school in a month and I'm not sure

83 replies

GloriousTechnicolour · 10/07/2020 11:42

I'm just wondering if anyone could share their experiences or insights into deferring a 4 year old starting primary 1.

My DC is 4, and is a late February birthday, so will almost certainly be the youngest in his year. He is due to start school in a month's time but I'm feeling anxious about it. His school is lovely and he is excited about going although doesn't really know what to expect. When he was at preschool they said he was ready for the challenge, totally fine to start etc, although he's obviously not been to preschool for 4 months now. My family is full of teachers who all say he's fine to go.

I just can't shake the feeling he's not ready and it's too young. He isn't interested in reading or writing, although his maths and spoken language are great. He is quite mature and sensible in many ways although lazy - doesn't want to dress himself etc. His friends are going this year and I'm worried he'll miss them loads. I have everything set up in terms of working hours/pick ups etc, have bought the uniform.

I'm so torn - does anyone have any experience either way? I don't want to disadvantage him if he's not ready and doesn't thrive, but at the same time it feels like a huge deal to decide to defer now.

OP posts:

Callingallskeletons · 11/07/2020 15:40

DC has an end of June birthday so I definitely wouldn’t be concerned about a February birthday being the youngest!

We have deferred place for this year though due to lots of things but biggest being due to household shielding DC won’t have been to Nursery for 6 months come September

WaxOnFeckOff · 11/07/2020 15:44

Or at least read the thread where it's pointed out that we are talking about a different cut off - which should be obvious from the OP but, oh well...

prettybird · 11/07/2020 15:50

In ds' year, he had 2 friends who had deferred and 1 who hadn't. All their parents were happy with their choice.

But at the sports club he was a member of, I knew, one mum despaired of her boy, with a late January birthday, who was bright (very early reader) and therefore the nursery encouraged her to not to defer. He wasn't emotionally ready and ended up being disruptive in school, to the extent that they talked about keeping him back a year (but once you're "into" the system, it's very difficult to do ) and having to get the educational psychologist involved

One of ds' primary school friends should have been at the same school as him, in the same year, but his mum wanted him to start early. The headteacher didn't agree with early entry and wouldn't support it so he ended up going to another school, which was prepared to allow him early entry, so he was in the year above ds (albeit at a different school). They ended up moving to England, so he'd have had to go "back" a year (actually into his correct year). Ds and he have lost touch - but I'd be interested to know how he got on.

FelicityPike · 11/07/2020 15:56

I think you’re too late to defer. Especially now he’s enrolled in school & knows he’s going.
At this stage you won’t be eligible for any council funding towards his second year of pre-school in his private nursery.

MsMeNz · 11/07/2020 16:01

I think refering is totally fine. Depends on teh child. Mine went at four loved it and thrived however they were all also in childcare from very young so they are used to being out of the home socialising and following routines and learning etc.
If I was ever a stay at home parent and it was the current environment I'd probably be leaning to keep home another year.

Whencountingto10isntenough · 11/07/2020 17:03

We deferred our daughter, the benefit through primary was good but outstanding at secondary. Siting her exams and social interaction has been made much easier being the oldest, and looking at going away for university is for me personally a very different experience at 18 then 17. I can’t tell you the amount of times we have thought, how much harder things would have been, had we sent her to school at 4 and half. Good luck

Original poster

GloriousTechnicolour · 11/07/2020 19:31

Thanks so much for the replies. Lots to think about but I think we are almost certainly going to try to defer. We're not entirely sure what it means for the coming year in terms of his childcare setting.

I'm not sure how it will work re funding etc. I can totally accept we might not get a place at a state nursery but I'm not sure why we wouldn't get funding, after all children must move into the area part way through the year? But anyway if we have to bear the cost of the extra year, we will.

I've tried discussing with family and some friends (who are not deferring) and had a fair amount of resistance from them. They don't seem to think it is the right thing to do as in his view he is 'ready' and 'will be fine' etc.

It's probably one of those situations where either outcome will probably be fine, we'll make the best of it either way.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:

chrislilleyswig · 11/07/2020 20:02

@Callingallskeletons

DC has an end of June birthday so I definitely wouldn’t be concerned about a February birthday being the youngest!

We have deferred place for this year though due to lots of things but biggest being due to household shielding DC won’t have been to Nursery for 6 months come September

That makes no sense. February will be either the youngest or the oldest

What does June have to do with it ?

prettybird · 11/07/2020 20:26

I susoect that skeletons didn't realise that this is in Scotsnet and we have different cut-off dates here - and that deferrals are more common. A June birthday would be young for England, whereas it would be old for Scotland - as well as it not being possible to defer a June birthday in Scotland

Fundays12 · 12/07/2020 10:26

Hi OP I saw your update you plan to defer. Your best starting point is to contact the school or council and tell them. You should be offered a space in the pre school nursery.

I deferred my Feb born son though family and the nursery thought he was probably ready to go. I am so glad I did as a couple of after he started school I met 2 mums who said the really regretted putting there Jan kids into school.

He is due to start P4 now and the gulf between the youngest and oldest children is so obvious as socially and emotionally a couple of the youngest kids are just not at P4 level. You have the added concern of your son having missed a fair bit of nursery due to COVID. This last few months would have been spent getting him school ready. This in itself may present a big problem for many kids entering P1. Good luck hope you get it sorted

AAT65 · 12/07/2020 10:43

P1 teacher here. In the case of a late February boy I would support deferral. All children are different of course but the youngest can struggle emotionally and need that extra time at nursery to continue to develop fine and gross motor skills. You are entitled to defer given the February birthday but I assume your DS is enrolled for P1 so you must get in touch with LA as soon as possible so they can adjust their numbers. They are juggling a lot at the moment so the funding might not be instant.

Itsarattrap · 12/07/2020 10:45

Can he do half-days to begin? Ours did, worked very well.

CottonSock · 12/07/2020 10:53

I have two girls very young in year, I'm not deferring. They have been in their nursery since babies and want to move on. My oldest is just 7 now, and notably more immature and behind her peers in reading etc. I hope it will even out over time.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 12/07/2020 11:03

My DS is a January Birthday and started p1 at 4.5. He was absolutely fine all through primary.
In retrospect though I think that being that year older would have benefited him at the end of secondary school (he is 18 now)
He did ok with his highers etc but he matured a lot in S6 and could have done with the extra year at school then IYSWIM

middleagedteenager · 12/07/2020 11:18

My DS has a February birthday. We thought long and hard about deferring him for a year or letting him start P1 when he was 4.5 yrs old.Academically he was ready,but we tried to think about it long term ,ie sitting exams and starting university at a young age .In the end we deferred and never regretted it.He never got bored as the teacher made sure that he was always working at his level.At one point he was going back into the nursery class to read to the children that he'd been playing with only a few months before.He wasn't the oldest in his class either at primary or secondary level.

SockYarn · 13/07/2020 19:21

Defer defer defer.

I know dozens of parents who have deferred jan/feb borns and none have regretted it.

sainsburyshopper · 29/07/2020 11:17

SymbollocksInteractionism I'm late to this thread but tend to agree with you. Dd is a December birthday and I would never have considered deferring but I do wonder if it catches up eventually, as she intended to leave home for Uni and then at 17 and a half found it all too much and had to change plans. Bizarrely I was a Feb birthday and very old for my year because they were just phasing out 2 intakes per year in my part of Scotland at the time. I was 5.5 when I started school and so only 4 months aways from being 19 when I started Uni in a city 180 miles from home in the late 80s! The year after me the kids started at 4.5 and so there was a big difference and also one of my friends who went to what is now the RCS was a December birthday but in the year above me at school but only two months older than me.

mrsunicorn1807 · 04/08/2020 15:44

I wasn't deferred, I went to school at 4 and for me it worked. I also probably wouldn't have met my now husband if I'd been deferred as he'd have been in the year above me in school.

Academically, physically, emotionally, it made no difference to me. I excelled through primary and most of secondary until I decided to be lazy in my last year lol

unknownscot · 07/08/2020 20:53

Just jumping on here - your child will never be "bored" - teachers will push the child's learning ability and keep them interested.

ALLIS0N · 07/08/2020 21:11

@AlecOrAlonzo

Always reckon defer for dec/Jan/Feb babies. Makes a big difference in S4 i think.

The poster who said their child was 19 in S6 is havering.

This.

We didn’t defer a January born child and regretted it. So we did defer the younger one, who was December born. He’s now S4 and I’m very glad he’s one of the oldest in the year and not one of the Youngest.

We planned this years ahead and deferred him in nursery so he went into his pre school year one year later.

JudgeRindersMinder · 07/08/2020 21:17

@LemonBreeland

I've only ever heard people regret not deferring. I've yet to meet someone who regretted deferring. I know a lot of teachers who say the same. I think boys particularly struggle. It is much better to have another year to mature for school.

Absolutely this. No one I know has regretted deferring but I know a fair few who regret not deferring. The thing is it follows them all the way through education, they’re in their last year or school and have just turned 16 when all their pals are turning 18-It has a huge impact, especially with boys

peajotter · 07/08/2020 22:15

Deferring is almost the norm at our school. My dd is an early March birthday and there are at least 4 kids in her class older than her.

I would say it’s now the jan/feb birthdays who don’t defer who are at a disadvantage. There are so few of them and they are the youngest in a “year group” that is effectively 14 months. There is also a tendency for more academically engaged parents to defer their kids, which makes the difference even more noticeable for the youngest.

AliciaMayEmory · 07/08/2020 22:21

My DS only turned 4 the week before he started in reception. We had a few vague thoughts about deferring but didn’t in the end and I’m so glad we didn’t. His social skills and speech came on in leaps and bounds once he was in school full time. The routine was good for him and he really enjoyed it. He hadn’t like nursery at all so this was a nice surprise. He has just finished primary and is ready for the move to high school (fingers crossed it all opens up as hoped!).
I hope you make the right decision for you and your DS. We certainly made the right for our son but they are all different.

ALLIS0N · 08/08/2020 14:35

I know two families who didn’t defer entry to P1. Once their child was at school they changed their minds. One child repeated P1 and the other P7.

Both children now at high school and doing well.

NotOutYet · 08/08/2020 17:20

I deferred my DS - January birthday. He went to a different nursery for the ‘extra’ pre-school year and he enjoyed this new nursery far more than his previous that he’d attended for a year and a half. This helped as he left with all the kids who were heading off to p1 and then had a new adventure at his new nursery.

I haven’t regretted deferring him. He always was an old head on young shoulders and did his own thing. I’m really glad because if I hadn’t deferred him he would be amongst the cohort having their Highers marked down and risking university places. As it is he’s just achieved 8 grade As at Nat 5 and has definitely got a more ‘mature’ attitude to earning than he had a year ago

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