DC (aged 4) due to start school in a month and I'm not sure

[GloriousTechnicolour]

I'm just wondering if anyone could share their experiences or insights into deferring a 4 year old starting primary 1.

My DC is 4, and is a late February birthday, so will almost certainly be the youngest in his year. He is due to start school in a month's time but I'm feeling anxious about it. His school is lovely and he is excited about going although doesn't really know what to expect. When he was at preschool they said he was ready for the challenge, totally fine to start etc, although he's obviously not been to preschool for 4 months now. My family is full of teachers who all say he's fine to go.

I just can't shake the feeling he's not ready and it's too young. He isn't interested in reading or writing, although his maths and spoken language are great. He is quite mature and sensible in many ways although lazy - doesn't want to dress himself etc. His friends are going this year and I'm worried he'll miss them loads. I have everything set up in terms of working hours/pick ups etc, have bought the uniform.

I'm so torn - does anyone have any experience either way? I don't want to disadvantage him if he's not ready and doesn't thrive, but at the same time it feels like a huge deal to decide to defer now.

So 19 is not possible in the Scottish system even if you defer

That's what I thought too. Was wondering if I'd majorly misunderstood some change! As a non deferred I started uni at 17.

I deferred my January born daughter and have never regretted it.

I'm an EYP and I'm moving into P1 for the return to school to support the transition in to P1. We're a playbased P1, so lots of play still on going. The teacher usually works with small groups at a time so they can work out who might need a wee bit support and the support staff know who might need sometime with any work or just an adult's attention.

I expect to go back to nursery at some point but no one knows when.

I have deferred my Feb born 4 year old. The DHT and HT both encouraged it as both parents and educators. The HT actually deferred her December born.

The majority of my family deferred their January and February borns (no SENs, all bright) none regretted. The kids are 16-18 now and I asked them (before making my decision) how they felt, none were upset or embarrassed about being “older” than their peers, none will be 19 in S6 (not possible if jan or Feb born) and most said it was the kids that weren’t deferred that got left behind as they were at times a full year younger than classmates. My niece also told me that some of her friends who weren’t deferred weren’t happy they were “forced” to do S5 even though they were not academically minded.

It’s a personal choice but I agree with PP, I’ve not ever met someone who regretted deferring.

We didn't defer DS and that was a mistake

Nursery said he was ready but he was so much more immature compared to his classmates and that became more noticeable around p6 and 7

And to the PP, no you can't be 19 in 6th year

If we're just talking about the Jan/Feb birthdays then they'd be literally a few weeks older than the standard oldest children (the March birthdays).

When I was at school the main thing about the deferred kids was they got their driving licences first (again, only by weeks).

It was the non-deferred ones that stood out (as far as it mattered - i don't remember anyone caring) because they had a different birth year.

Defer defer defer!

Even although there is play in most Primary 1s, it is much more structured than nursery and he would be expected to complete certain literacy and numeracy activities and tasks during ‘playtime’.

He has also missed out on all of his nursery experiences this spring.

I’ve never met anyone who regretted deferring. I have met plenty of parents who have regretted not deferring.

Is the deadline for deferrals in this year not long past? Or have they extended it due to Covid?

If he's only 4, legally he doesn't need to go to school regardless of any deferral deadline. We deferred our January born and December born boys. January birthdays granted an automatic deferral. Our application to defer December born was refused, but all that meant was that local authority said they wouldn't fund another year in nursery. We deferred anyway, as was our right, and in the end were only asked to pay some of the school nursery fees.

It annoyed me when we were told our DS would be a year older than all his peers. Your DS will obviously be only days or weeks older than those born in March and younger than any January deferrals.

Another factor in our case was that quite a few of the boys in the year above had deferred which meant our DS would have been a year younger than that 'peer' group.

No regrets here. Behaviour problems I think are a red herring which I just don't believe are caused by school deferral.

IME school will always tend towards saying children are ready unless the child has other issues. I'm sure your DS will adjust to primary school if he goes in August and will be fine but for us the real questions were, will they be ready for high school at 11 and then university/work at 17.

We deferred ds(16), a mid Feb birthday and it was absolutely the right decision for him. He has never been bullied or teased about being deferred, it is very common for jan/Feb birthdays so kids just see it as normal. He is at the oldest end of the age range for his year but only by 2 weeks so socially there is barely a difference.

In primary it is great as they have that little bit more maturity and confidence and a good chance of doing well academically, speaking up in class and in pe and sports.

In secondary is where you really notice the advantage of being that little bit more mature, especially for boys, and academically it has been great for ds, he has just finished S4 and his NAT5s, starting Highers now. He would not have been as ready to start Highers a year ago. I know a few parents of deferred children and not one of them regrets it.

Unless you have a very obviously gifted child that will be bored I would always recommend deferring.

Always reckon defer for dec/Jan/Feb babies. Makes a big difference in S4 i think.

The poster who said their child was 19 in S6 is havering.

We deferred our son who is now 10. We have always felt it was the right thing to do. We come from a family with a lot of teachers and almost all thought it was a good move too. My son and one other child in his class were deferred. I have another friend who didn't defer and the kids were in the same class for a period of time when there was a composite class. She always says she wishes she had deferred her son also.

A February born child certainly wont be the youngest in class?
Mine was an August baby and wnt to school just turned 4 yrs old. I am a teacher and can confirm there are many children who will be in class who have birthdays later in the year.

Op I defered DS hes going into P5 and I'm still not sure we did the right thing. He seems to get on better with kids older than him than younger.

If I could turn the clock back I'm not sure I'd make the same decision.

@crimsonlake

A February born child certainly wont be the youngest in class? Mine was an August baby and wnt to school just turned 4 yrs old. I am a teacher and can confirm there are many children who will be in class who have birthdays later in the year.

I don't think you've noticed this is in Scotsnet? Our cut off date is end Feb so a February birthday is the youngest. Dc start school in August (no reception class) so youngest will be approx 4 and a half, eldest could be only a few months away from 6 if they've been deferred from the year before. It can make a bit of difference, more so at the end of high school where younger DC could be 17 and half rather than 18 or approaching 18 but deferred DC will be 18 and a half or older. In fact in Scotland they could very well have the qualifications to go to uni at the end of S5 and undeferred DC would still only be 16 and a half.

Something else that you might want to think about is some stuff seems babyish for him. He was 6 finishing P1 was presented with a book for finishing P1 - "I got given a book for my little brother".

I have a July baby and and August baby. On balance the August one would probably have faired better if we’d deferred in academic respects. Always played catch up on class mates.

But has emotional ties to the kids she went to nursery with that make a world of difference now they are all 12. In high school she’s outstripping her older peers academically.

July baby has always been super bright but hadn’t bonded with peers in the same way because didn’t go to nursery with them. Y6 now and has a lovely group of friends that we didn’t expect.

My point being you can’t control everything and it may be difficult (and it’s awful
for you as a parent). You do just have to get on with it, make your best guess and go along with it x

@crimsonlake

A February born child certainly wont be the youngest in class? Mine was an August baby and wnt to school just turned 4 yrs old. I am a teacher and can confirm there are many children who will be in class who have birthdays later in the year.

A February born child will absolutely be the youngest.

Or the oldest if deferred

The other think to think about is that if you don't defer him, even if he does S6, he'll still be 17 for most of his 1st year at Uni should he choose to go of course

I too have only known people who regretted not deferring, not anyone who regretted deferring.

Ds had friends at school who'd deferred, so even though he was technically right in the middle of the year (September birthday), in practice he was at the "young" end of the year. Having said that, one of his close friends (who he's still friends with 2 years after leaving school) was a non-deferred February birthday who was so bright he did all his Maths exams a year early and was Dux.

Slightly different situation as my DS is a March birthday so we didn’t defer - we were just forced to send him at 5.5 rather than 4.5

The area we lived in didn’t allow for early entry, and although we pushed it, we didn’t get anywhere.

He was absolutely bored his second year in nursery.

P1 was a disaster - he spent most of the year learning phonics when he was already reading novels. The maths work was similarly off in terms of level. He was eventually sent to a P4 class for reading but as it was only twice a week, it didn’t actually stop the boredom.

P2/3 were better because the teachers were more zoned in on him, but the reality was that he didn’t learn anything academically at school until at least P3/4. We lived overseas for a few years and then came back to Scotland. He was pushed in the school overseas and it was the first time we’d seen him really engaged with school.

When we moved back (P6) he was frustrated and fed up. He did more academically at that point but he was just never stretched. By P7 it was clear that he was ready for secondary. When he got there though, again, he just coasted.

We moved to another part of the U.K. at the end of his S2 year and he skipped 3rd form and went straight into 4th year and studying for his GCSEs. He is excelling academically and socially. He is more engaged with school than he has ever been, he’s happy, he’s learning, he’s challenged.

I don’t regret deferral because we didn’t technically defer and we didn’t get a choice in the matter, but I do regret not leaving Scotland sooner and getting him moved up a year. He was failed over and over again by the Scottish education system and the fact that he was a year behind where he clearly should have been, only exacerbated the situation.

That’s interesting @XFPW my son is April birthday and very bright and it was suggested to us we try and get him in school the year before. We didn’t as I wanted him to be older in his year as both my sister and I had been (her April, me May). For him it was the right decision and he’s absolutely breezed through school. P7 was a bit rough as he was ready to go to high school from about September but now he’s in high school he’s flying again and gets pushed appropriately.

Added to which with this pandemic I’m now glas he’s in s3 and not s4!!

Sorry - that was a bit of a rant.

I should say that I know many people, for whom deferral was the right decision. I know others who were December birthdays and were refused deferral where it would really have benefitted the child. (Yes, I know that technically a school can’t refuse deferral, but they can refuse to allocate a state funded pre-school placement for another year, thereby making it an impossible choice for parents.)

I have a lot of feelings about the Scottish education system and if I’m honest, not many of them are good. I do actually think that the deferral system is one of the better ideas however and it can really benefit some children.

My point in relating my story above however was to combat the repeated line that “no-one ever regrets deferral.”

I have had that line parroted back to me for 10+ years and I always knew that it wasn’t right in our situation. There simply isn’t a one size fits all - not all young children flounder in school, not all boys are emotionally behind, not all children benefit from an extra year in pre-school.

My DS should have been in school a year earlier. Would it have solved all the problems of the last 10 years? No. Would it have at least made things easier on him? Yes.

Ultimately you know your DC best - but please do listen to other people who also know YOUR child, not people who simply parrot a line which lumps every 4 year old together into one homogenous group.

As I said I'm not sure about the "nobody regrets deferring" line either. I'm really really not sure if we did the right thing.

I think DS would be more engaged if he was being pushed in the year above. Some things just seem too young for him.

I won't be deferring my youngest.

Absolutely, do what's best for your son op. However I must disagree with @XFPW - I am one of the posters who said I have never come across anyone who regrets deferring. This isn't a 'line' I am 'parroting'. It's borne out of my experience of deferring my dc - when I was making the decision, I carried out a lot of research, and spoke to a lot of people about deferral, and regret about deferral just didn't come up. Of course there may be instances of this, but it certainly seems thin on the ground as opposed to the quite frequent expressions of regret from DC who could have been deferred but weren't.

At the time of DC deferral, the council where I live produced some research which suggested one of the downsides to deferral was children may be able to leave school before having taken any exams. But then it emerged that this study was from the US, so a very different educational system, and certainly at that time (8 years ago) there hadn't been any large study of deferral in Scotland. I don't know if there has been any research on this since - I always thought it would have been useful.

One of my DC is a similar birthday and we deferred. They are bright and would have coped academically just fine if we'd sent them when they were supposed to go, but emotionally and socially that extra year of nursery really helped them flourish in P1. They matured so much in that "bonus" year.

If I had to go back and make the decision again, I wouldn't change a thing.

I guess the point being that all children should be taught to their abilities regardless of what age/class they happen to be in. That's the problem, socially most kids will probably do better with DC of a similar age, but when you have a cut off there will always be DC on either side of that that are nearly a year apart. Deferral and the fact that some do and some don't probably helps with that as there will be a wider range of ages. Even a deferred child who turns 5 on 28th February will only be a day older than a non deferred child born on the 1st march.

Regardless, schools should be able to deal with a child reading when they start school and one that barely knows any letters regardless of when their birthday is. I don't think CoE is working well for DC in this regard but that's a separate issue.