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A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? School runs.

87 replies

hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 10:11

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable here or how to respond to this neighbour.

I am a stay at home mum with 4 kids. The other 3 kids are older and at high school so are pretty independent and make their own way to school and back.

I do the school run with my youngest son who is 9 years old. My neighbours daughter started school 8 months ago. She is also a stay at home mum with two kids. One is at nursery. We know each other and get along but aren’t close friends.

once or twice every month this neighbour will text me. Can you take my daughter to school as my husband has the car and I can’t be bothered walking up with the youngest one ( the school is in walking distance) it’s around a 15 min walk.

I was once getting ready defrosting car and she comes over with her daughter to my car and says her youngest is having a tantrum and she’s stressed could I just take her daughter with me in car. I took her daughter with me that morning and as I’m driving home after school run she’s then driving her son to nursery and waves as I pass.

other times she will text me and say youngest has been up in night feeling unwell can you take my daughter to school.

A other time she told me she was very unwell had the flu so I agreed to take her daughter up to school. It was school photo day and her daughter comes over with her hair all hot tonged (curled) I’m sorry but if you were that ill I’m pretty sure you would be using tongs to do your child’s hair.

I have not once asked anyone to take my son to school. Even if I’ve been unwell. I just get on with it and take him to school.

i don’t mind helping neighbours out with school run if they were very unwell or couldn’t make the school run due to a appointment. I have helped two other neighbours out in the past but I feel like this one neighbour is taking advantage. There are days I don’t have the car and can’t be bothered walking to school but I wouldn’t dream of asking someone else to do it for me.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 25/04/2025 10:13

If you eldest is 9 is he getting to the age where he's starting to walk alone soon? Perfect excuse... you aren't walking all the way!

TonerNeedsReplacing · 25/04/2025 10:15

I appreciate this isn’t your question but why are you driving when it is a 15 min walk and you don’t work?

parietal · 25/04/2025 10:17

walk with your son and teach him to walk the route safely so he can do it on his own soon.

no one needs to drive to school when it is a 15 min walk.

doodleschnoodle · 25/04/2025 10:19

YANBU, especially if you aren’t particular friends. One of my closest pals lives round the corner and has a daughter same age as DD1 and we will quite often take each other’s child to school or pick up to make our lives easier on certain days, we walk and the girls like chatting to each other anyway, but we are good friends and it goes both ways and we support each other.

I wouldn’t have a problem helping out a neighbour like this sometimes when it was needed, I think it’s good to have a network to help with stuff and not struggle on by yourself just because you think you should, but if the reason is just that she can’t be bothered then that’s not really a good one! But I absolutely would help a neighbour if they were unwell or had a doctor appointment or something.

pelargoniums · 25/04/2025 10:22

TonerNeedsReplacing · 25/04/2025 10:15

I appreciate this isn’t your question but why are you driving when it is a 15 min walk and you don’t work?

I agree! And if you stop driving perhaps she’ll be less likely to impose on you – you’ll be halfway down the road already walking by the time she’s conjured her latest excuse.

TY78910 · 25/04/2025 10:27

What is it that you don’t like about taking the other child to school? Is it the safety aspect / being responsible for someone else’s kid? Maybe I’m a bit more relaxed about that stuff but you’re going there anyway, you have space in your car, she lives next door so it’s very uncomplicated. Is it really that much of a chore to carpool? I’m a believer in doing a good deed, maybe one day you will need support from her and she will help, maybe you won’t. She’s not really asking you to go out of your way for anything, you’re not detouring.

Original poster
hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 10:27

TonerNeedsReplacing · 25/04/2025 10:15

I appreciate this isn’t your question but why are you driving when it is a 15 min walk and you don’t work?

I have arthritis in both knees. Some days i do walk it all depends on my joints x

OP posts:
Pikablue · 25/04/2025 10:31

If you don't want to then just be honest, a hard conversation to have but it'll stop the dread and constantly having to think of excuses and/or resenting her for it. Personally I wouldn't mind and I would also ask if I was unwell if she'd mind returning the favour, but appreciate we are all different.

Screamingabdabz · 25/04/2025 10:33

TY78910 · 25/04/2025 10:27

What is it that you don’t like about taking the other child to school? Is it the safety aspect / being responsible for someone else’s kid? Maybe I’m a bit more relaxed about that stuff but you’re going there anyway, you have space in your car, she lives next door so it’s very uncomplicated. Is it really that much of a chore to carpool? I’m a believer in doing a good deed, maybe one day you will need support from her and she will help, maybe you won’t. She’s not really asking you to go out of your way for anything, you’re not detouring.

It’s the principle. The neighbour is a CF and taking advantage. She knows because it’s ’not a big deal’ that the op really can’t say no without looking like a dick. I would be seething about being coerced like this too.

Flatandhappy · 25/04/2025 10:36

If you don’t want to do it say no. If you don’t mind but are pissed off that it’s a one way street ask her to take your kid sometimes and if she refuses tell her it’s reciprocal or nothing. “Sorry, that does work for me” is a great line that people here need to use more often.

PotatoesShowmatoes · 25/04/2025 10:38

The point @TY78910 makes is fine as long as it is reciprocated which doesn’t seem to be the case for you.
As you have arthritis in both knees, ask her for help.

TY78910 · 25/04/2025 10:41

Screamingabdabz · 25/04/2025 10:33

It’s the principle. The neighbour is a CF and taking advantage. She knows because it’s ’not a big deal’ that the op really can’t say no without looking like a dick. I would be seething about being coerced like this too.

Show quote history

I suppose the walking up to her when she’s getting in the car is CF-ery but zooming out, 1-2 days out of 20 - is it reallllly that bad? It’s it was every other day maybe.

MattCauthon · 25/04/2025 10:44

I think the issue here is that you are a) judging her and b) not getting any recipricol favours. Perosnally, if a neighbour had a smaller child and was struggling in th emorning and I was goign anyway and it was zero effort, I wouldn't mind. BUT, I 100% WOULD mind if I felt that I was never able to ask for a favour back. It sounds like you don't want any favours back though so it's hard to tell if she WOULD help you if you did.

so, for example, in this sort of situation, kniwing I'd taken her kid to school a few times, I might realise that next week I have to wait ino for the boiler man so I might ask her to collect my kid when she collects hers, rather than having to rearrange the boiler man or have the stress of rushing in case he turns up during the 30 minutes I'm out.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 25/04/2025 10:46

Just stop acknowledging her texts with cf requests...

NotSafeInTaxis · 25/04/2025 10:47

I don't see the issue. It's not very often, you're going there anyway, it's not like you're even slightly inconvenienced by it.
Why not take her kid the odd time and ask her to take yours the odd time? Help each other out instead of being disgruntled and judgy?

Marmaladelade · 25/04/2025 10:48

You don’t need an excuse - just tell them you prefer

BellesAndGraces · 25/04/2025 10:52

I would send her a message saying that as you have 4 children, you use the drive to school as one to one time with your youngest and so you can only take her child if it’s a real emergency, which you would only expect to be the case once or twice a year.

Comedycook · 25/04/2025 10:55

Ignore any messages she sends you by phone then say you hadn't checked your phone or had lost it in the house.

Or start asking her to take your DC to school...

CalypsoCuthbertson · 25/04/2025 10:55

Can you take my daughter to school as my husband has the car and I can’t be bothered walking up with the youngest one

‘I can’t be bothered either - lol!’ Walk away.

It’s the brazen laziness that would wind me up. She presumably chose to have two kids!

Original poster
hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 10:55

parietal · 25/04/2025 10:17

walk with your son and teach him to walk the route safely so he can do it on his own soon.

no one needs to drive to school when it is a 15 min walk.

I should have added on post. I do sometimes walk. It depends on my joints. As I have arthiritis x

OP posts:
Original poster
hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 11:00

NotSafeInTaxis · 25/04/2025 10:47

I don't see the issue. It's not very often, you're going there anyway, it's not like you're even slightly inconvenienced by it.
Why not take her kid the odd time and ask her to take yours the odd time? Help each other out instead of being disgruntled and judgy?

yes I am going there but it’s hard enough sometimes getting myself and own child to school especially when I have a Arthiritis flare. I don’t ask her for favours never have. I usually just get on with it or if I was at a appointment my husband would take my son

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 25/04/2025 11:02

OP should not have to defend why she takes the car. Yes she has now disclosed she has a disability but there is NO reason this disclosure was necessary. If OP takes her car sometimes that is OP’s business and not something she has to defend.

It is not on OP to change her lifestyle or routine because someone else is taking advantage. OP, you have every right to just say no. You don’t have to give a reason. I feel like with these people the more you let it happen the more they rely on you. If you do want to give a reason you can say “I’m sorry but this time alone is important to DD and I as we have 1:1 chats to prepare for/cool down from the day.”

Original poster
hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 11:03

BellesAndGraces · 25/04/2025 10:52

I would send her a message saying that as you have 4 children, you use the drive to school as one to one time with your youngest and so you can only take her child if it’s a real emergency, which you would only expect to be the case once or twice a year.

Thank you. I think I will say this. I don’t want to fall out with her and I really don’t mind helping if it’s needed. I just feel like this one neighbour takes advantage x

OP posts:
Blackcordoroys · 25/04/2025 11:05

I wouldn’t mind this much tbh - I believe in mums helping each other out. I appreciate she doesn’t help back much but she might in the future, and in general I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I refused. It’s probably only half a year or a year until your son is walking every day right so not long to go anyway

BruisedNeckMeat · 25/04/2025 11:06

I don’t think once or twice a month is CF territory. Maybe be a nice neighbour and help the woman out?