Am I being unreasonable? School runs.

[hayley3602]

Hi, I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable here or how to respond to this neighbour.

I am a stay at home mum with 4 kids. The other 3 kids are older and at high school so are pretty independent and make their own way to school and back.

I do the school run with my youngest son who is 9 years old. My neighbours daughter started school 8 months ago. She is also a stay at home mum with two kids. One is at nursery. We know each other and get along but aren’t close friends.

once or twice every month this neighbour will text me. Can you take my daughter to school as my husband has the car and I can’t be bothered walking up with the youngest one ( the school is in walking distance) it’s around a 15 min walk.

I was once getting ready defrosting car and she comes over with her daughter to my car and says her youngest is having a tantrum and she’s stressed could I just take her daughter with me in car. I took her daughter with me that morning and as I’m driving home after school run she’s then driving her son to nursery and waves as I pass.

other times she will text me and say youngest has been up in night feeling unwell can you take my daughter to school.

A other time she told me she was very unwell had the flu so I agreed to take her daughter up to school. It was school photo day and her daughter comes over with her hair all hot tonged (curled) I’m sorry but if you were that ill I’m pretty sure you would be using tongs to do your child’s hair.

I have not once asked anyone to take my son to school. Even if I’ve been unwell. I just get on with it and take him to school.

i don’t mind helping neighbours out with school run if they were very unwell or couldn’t make the school run due to a appointment. I have helped two other neighbours out in the past but I feel like this one neighbour is taking advantage. There are days I don’t have the car and can’t be bothered walking to school but I wouldn’t dream of asking someone else to do it for me.

Am I being unreasonable?

Why don’t you make an agreement where you alternate the days and take it in turns to do the school run? Or you drop off and she picks up? Not doing that journey twice a day will surely be better for your arthritis?

I don’t think it’s cheeky of her to ask you are both going and she doesn’t know about your arthritis? I feel it’s pretty churlish to begrudge this to be honest! If you really don’t like helping next time she asks tell her you don’t want to and why but I wouldn’t message out of the blue saying you can’t help unless an emergency as she will think you’re a bit crazy, you’re literally going there anyway!

I once read an article about how there are two types of people, those who ask for things like help, who would also expect to be asked in return and don't think it's a big deal. Then there are those that hint, would be mortified to ask and hope to be offered.

She's the former, you're the latter and neither are right, wrong or cheeky.

I think this is just an example of this, ask her to take your DC sometimes, it'll feel more balanced for both of you.

Just pretend you haven’t seen her messages

It's no skin off your nose as you're going there anyway. But you have every right to say no if you want to.

Honestly I agree with those who think it’s a little mean spirited as it’s not all that often and you’re going there anyway but absolutely If you don’t want to help her. Just tell her straight out that you’re not available to help out anymore .

Of course you don’t need to justify yourself , honestly though if I were going anyway I really wouldn’t see a problem and it wouldn’t bother me but you don’t want to and that’s fair enough. I will say though as someone with zero family support I always read on mn about reaching out and asking for help or creating your own village but I don’t do that because I know most people think it’s cf like this woman .

She doesn’t “ need to.”

All the neighbour has to do is offer lifts in return, or do something to say thank you and show she appreciates the favour.

By just asking without any offer to reciprocate in any way, she IS a CF. And she knows it!

I disagree

OP should not have to defend why she takes the car.

We are all impacted by lazy parents who drive because they can't be bothered to walk 20mn. The OP has a medical reason, fair enough, but driving and parking around schools is famously horrendous. It wouldn't be if driving was strictly restricted to those who physically cannot walk.

You can't expect people not to judge the ones using their cars.

If the younger child is due to start school in August be careful that you don't end up taking him/her as well! Either say something or come up with an arrangement that benefits you too.