SAHM returning to work. Please help!

[ilovepeonies]

Hello

I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and my child is due to start school in September. Before having a child I worked admin jobs in London and have never had a career (nor do I want one)

My husband has a very big career and is very money driven. We are very lucky in the sense that I have not needed to work over the past 4 years, however with the cost of everything going up my husband has said to me he would like more money to himself - therefore he would like me to get a job when our child starts school. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as it brings in something, and he seems to have a figure of around £400 a month in his head. (this is due to the calculations we've done in regards to childcare/dog care if I worked full time)

I totally understand what he is saying and i am absolutely happy to find something that brings in £400 or there abouts each month, however I just feel like the type of job he's expecting me to have just doesn't exist? Weekdays, during school hours, available for pick up and drop off's, not weekends and not more than 1-2 days a week as part of my money will go on daycare for our dog while i'm at work.

I used to have a baking business which i loved, however my husband wasn't very supportive of this. Im really feeling the pressure to find something and i'm wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas? We aren't desperate for money, I feel like my husband is resenting me for being at home while he works so hard. I would love to have a little job to call my own, but im finding it very hard to magic up the job he is imagining

Please be kind.

Thankyou

Go back to your baking business you loved
Pay for childcare and housekeeping support from joint income

So if I did my baking we wouldn't need extra childcare as its completely flexible around what will be my childs school hours - however my husband doesn't seem to think this job is good enough. When I had my business before he made comments to me like a cleaner earns more money than you and this time he has said to me "a Mcdonalds worker earns around £11 an hour. so set your standards higher" ... I feel like he's really putting the pressure on and not being particularly kind

So if I did my baking we wouldn't need extra childcare as its completely flexible around what will be my childs school hours - however my husband doesn't seem to think this job is good enough. When I had my business before he made comments to me like a cleaner earns more money than you and this time he has said to me "a Mcdonalds worker earns around £11 an hour. so set your standards higher" ... I feel like he's really putting the pressure on and not being particularly kind

sorry - posting again as I didnt press reply and not sure if you will have got the notification? I havent posted on mumsnet before!

Realistically, do you think your bakery business will bring in £400 per month? Is it birthday cakes? Selling via markets?

Realistically i'm not sure. When I did it previously some months I made £600 but that was including halloween and christmas which are good times for bakers. I make iced biscuits and cupcakes. I would absolutely love to make cakes too but our current home is very small we don't have the fridge space at all. The upside is there aren't many home bakers in our area - however its very hit and miss whether I would get any customers.

Would it be worth looking into doing admin/ being a TA in school? Although I do not think you would be finished in time to do pickup at end of school - does DC’s school have afterschool club etc?
if you did not work in a school what would you do for school holidays?
I think you should be v clear with DH how you are restricted by his job, and the value you have brought to the family. I would look for work you enjoy. With the baking, does it matter what your hourly rate is anyway?

I would love to be a TA in a school, but am I right in thinking you need qualifications? It would also mean our dog would be in daycare every day which is really expensive so it wouldn't be particularly beneficial. Neither of us want our child to attend after school clubs. Our child is SEN and so far its been really beneficial for me to be a SAHM for her as she gets very upset and overwhelmed. My husband in his words thinks I 'sit on the sofa all day' so im not entirely sure he understands what I do as a SAHM

He's not hugely supportive huh?
If you love baking, do that. Can you join a bakery nearby or a cafe so you have an hourly income as well as a kitchen they might let you use for a cake side hustle set up/fridge etc?

If you used after school clubs/breakfast clubs you wouldn’t be restricted by hours so much and could find a part time job working 9-5. I guess you would need a dog walker too though.

I know some people who run baking businesses by doing home delivery and taking weekly online orders.

Also, to note my husband leaves for work around 8:30am and doesnt get home until around 9pm. sometimes he goes out after work and doesnt get home until 4-5am. so the schooling hours really are all on me

Sorry just saw your update about your child having SEN. It will be quite difficult to find something then and I think your husband should appreciate that.

Our child is SEN and we've both agreed we don't want her to attend before/after school clubs as she gets very upset and overwhelmed so im really restricted to hours of about 10-2 unless i worked from home

Could you not take in ironing ?
Advertise locally and you won't have to stress too much, I'm sure you'd have quite a few customers.

That is ridiculously long to be away - he doesn’t seem to appreciate having a family at all. No wonder he doesn’t understand what you do.

As your child has SEN enough to make it difficult for you to work with after school clubs and so on, have you considered applying for DLA for them and carers allowance if your DLA application is successful? It is based on need not diagnosis, there are places that can help with applications and its not means tested.

No, he's not unfortunately. He's very proud of himself that he has such a great well paid job and he could afford to buy his london home (which he had before we met) he always reminds me of this. I fully understand that as he works so hard he should be able to treat himself and he does. If he's going away on a trip for a weekend he will buy a new pair of shoes for £300 + or whatever but then he says he doesn't treat himself. I just feel like anything I do wouldnt be good enough

Can you do dog walking and get a couple of neighbours on route who might like their dogs out for an hour or two a day? Will keep you fit and be flexible around your timings?

He said to me this morning that at the weekends he "has to look after our child so where is his alone time at the weekend?"

He absolutely doesnt have to look after her and I feel so sad that he would say such a thing about her. If we do a family activity he will say he's had no weekend and where was his time to himself etc...

He does have a very demanding job, however he absolutely doesn't appreciate having a family you're right

He's crushing you love. I'm so sorry.

I think you aren't very happy, but maybe that's to deal with another day. To me it would be a shame not to do the baking if it makes you feel good. Keep something for you.

Yes, I did think of this... however from what I worked out it doesnt really add up to that magic "£400" he wants me to make

I don't know about the baking but I have posted on here before when people are looking to make cash as I earn quite a bit each month doing online surveys.

Swagbucks are my favourite as I get £10 every 2-3 days - in addition to survey income, you get free products to trial, loads of tops up at the end of the month for all the days you hit your daily goal and then they give you extra points when you hit points levels called Swag Ups. You get money for searching the internet and they have competitions where you are part of a team too. When you join and earn 300 points in the first 30 days, they give you a 300 bonus.
www.swagbucks.com/refer/MooWinner

Second favourite: You Gov as you never screen out :

yougov.co.uk/refer/5n4orle6y-iGn-xFyNEk-w/

I used to get £50 every 6-8 weeks but they have not got rid of the opening banking feature so it now takes me about 10 weeks to make each £50.

Third Favourite:
Viewbank - they are currently running an incentive of £2.50 just for joining.
myviewsbank.com/s.php?p=174&l=l&e=8&psdm=0&pshh=0&pshf=0&tmp=1&xtreferrer=20603&h=98871e50
You won't make tons on this panel every week but it takes only about 30 seconds a day to answer two questions ( 12p) and about once a week you get a survey which is between 50p-£1 for 5-10 minutes.
Every few weeks you get a bigger task which is usually £5.

I'll say again what I always say when I recommend panels this is not money for zero effort. You have to put a bit of effort in but they can be done in front of the TV, on public transport , at lunch on a work day etc. and it's well worth it for me.

Ask any questions if you need help.

You're right he is. I am a very trapped single married mum. But yes - thats for another day. I will probably leave to start a new life when my child leaves home... As long as i can find something to get me by until then that will satisfy his expectations of me that will be fine

Do you have any professional qualifications or a uni degree?

He doesn't sound very nice
He won't be available to take his turn if your child is unable to attend school due to illness.
For your own sake I would look at getting some experience on your cv (maybe through voluntary work) so that you can be independent and not so trapped by him.

Its not so much that she requires anything like that, its more so that we've agreed between ourselves that its best if im there for her as much as possible. we both agreed that primarily my job is still to be her mum and there for all her needs, but he wants me to just bring in some sort of income every month too - which I do understand.