SAHM returning to work. Please help!

[ilovepeonies]

Hello

I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and my child is due to start school in September. Before having a child I worked admin jobs in London and have never had a career (nor do I want one)

My husband has a very big career and is very money driven. We are very lucky in the sense that I have not needed to work over the past 4 years, however with the cost of everything going up my husband has said to me he would like more money to himself - therefore he would like me to get a job when our child starts school. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as it brings in something, and he seems to have a figure of around £400 a month in his head. (this is due to the calculations we've done in regards to childcare/dog care if I worked full time)

I totally understand what he is saying and i am absolutely happy to find something that brings in £400 or there abouts each month, however I just feel like the type of job he's expecting me to have just doesn't exist? Weekdays, during school hours, available for pick up and drop off's, not weekends and not more than 1-2 days a week as part of my money will go on daycare for our dog while i'm at work.

I used to have a baking business which i loved, however my husband wasn't very supportive of this. Im really feeling the pressure to find something and i'm wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas? We aren't desperate for money, I feel like my husband is resenting me for being at home while he works so hard. I would love to have a little job to call my own, but im finding it very hard to magic up the job he is imagining

Please be kind.

Thankyou

He obviously sees things in terms of money only and not the value of everything you have given him and your child by being their support system (and presumably will continue to give).

Personally I would push back at this by listing the value of all the services you provide. If you start working, how will he afford all of those things? So if you are not there doing cleaning/cooking/laundry etc, will he employ a cleaner and so on?

Then I would have a good think about what you actually want to do. There are not many jobs that fit in with school hours so you are probably looking at self employed stuff - dog walking, ironing, cleaning, parcel delivery etc. You can sometimes get jobs in school like TA or catering but they are very badly paid. You may be able to find a part time working from home job in admin for your local council or similar.

if you want to do baking don't let him dictate what you should do and how much money it makes! He should be more interested in what makes you happy!!!! Think about what other skills you have and start to scan the local job ads every evening.

Also do you plan to have more children? Because that may affect what you choose to do.

Where in the country roughly are you?
£400 pcm is not a huge amount I don't think

If you are thinking you will probably leave once your child is grown up, maybe you should think about getting some qualifications and a career. Just because it’s a career doesn’t mean it has to be something you hate. I have qualifications, and a career, and I do something I enjoy. You enjoy baking, why not be a bakers apprentice? The hours might even work for you as they start early and finish early. Your husband could be in charge of your child in the mornings and do the school run? He wants you to earn he needs to pull his weight too.

Thankyou! Ill take a look

You're right, he sees no worth in what I do. No to more children unfortunately - he doesn't want more

London. It doesnt sound like a huge amount at all but when you start to add up minimum wage/ the jobs with small hours or things like home baking, its quite hard to achieve!

Thankyou for trying to be positive for me. I like the idea of trying to start something I enjoy now to building it up to a career. Husband it completely out of the school runs though unfortunately due to his hours

Hi what about a school kitchen? I'm our area the assistants are on £12 an hour an do between 2 to 4 hours a day which would enable the school run and the dog would be OK for that time a 10 hour week could bring in just under 500 pm x

There's also room to progress to kitchen manager and further as your child gets older x

It would be really good for you to improve your skills for the future- there are lots of free on line courses to improve your it skills/ beyond.
initially volunteering in a school is a good way into Ta/ other roles and great for your confidence.

Thankyou! Will explore this option!x

Thankyou, volunteering in the school is a great idea as a possible way to becoming a TA! I will enquire :)

I make celebration cakes. I bring in £1-2k a month in profit. More if I didn't do another job and had the time to market myself

Wow this is amazing! Can I ask, how do you find your customers? are you big on social media? I don't really use social media but think I could do really well especially with the parents in our areas and birthday parties etc.

Have you thought about something really flexible like being an Uber driver or doing Deliveroo? You could even offer cat sitting services on cat in a flat.

I started out much lower. And I do know a lot of people in our local area. Word of mouth has been great and I stick to my lower prices for my regular customers- but they recommend and I charge what I feel is appropriate. I also have a website, I am a slave to social media and do giveaways a couple of times a year to gain attention of my business.
I also charge an appropriate amount for a cake. There are a LOT of local bakers in my area and they charge £35 for a cake I would charge £65 for.
I do 'offer' cakes too.
It's not always guaranteed but since I've opened, I've had at least 3 orders per week. It's been a huge learning curve though. You have to know your worth.
I think lunchtime assistant alongside your baking business is a great idea.
Get on Instagram and start following a lot of high profile cake makers and get practising. Find your niche. Markets are good but are like gold dust around here so I'm not focusing on them yet.

Thankyou so much for the advice!

This is unacceptable. He should be coming home after work, not going out until 4am. Unless you also get nights off where he looks after your DC and you go out till 4am? I would be putting my foot down about this.

I could have nights like that if I wanted to, but truthfully i just don't want to. I don't drink, and we only live in London for his career so i'm not near any of my close friends. ( I have mum friends here) I do occasionally go home to where im from for dinners with old friends etc but going partying until 4am isn't my kind of thing. I would rather be at home with our daughter

Employers don’t really offer jobs like this. Unless it’s lunchtime supervisor in a school or something. A lot of mums end up starting small businesses because it’s the only way they can work around their kids.

Your DH is a selfish dick though. He doesn’t need to be at work till 9pm, he’s probably just pissing about to avoid childcare. And he’s whinging about having to do childcare at weekends. As a parent you don’t get days off! What did he think would happen when he had a child? You just have to suck it up and accept that you don’t get time to yourself when you have a small child.

hi op, I relate a lot as have two children with SEN but miss working but so hard to find anything that would work. Sorry about your husband.

please look again at the DLA. I imagine you do more for your child than you realise. Most parent carers underestimate how much extra support their child needs as they do it automatically and see it as normal parenting. But it isn’t normal parenting. I don’t know your child ‘s diagnosis/needs but if it is neurological at all then look at the cerebra guide. She may qualify for DLA, you may then qualify for carers allowance. It’s worth looking into.

there are lots of job suggestions her OP so I won’t add anymore.

I would recommend get some sort of qualifications for yourself if you can manage, Open university etc. as you’ve hinted you may branch out at some point, it will help a lot for your prospects.

Thankyou so much to everyone for your support this evening. Im going to head to bed as have to be up early to take DC to an appointment, but thankyou I really appreciate it. I'll reply back properly tomorrow

Your husband is a selfish greedy dick who treats you more like a machine than a person. I think you should look for a job as you may need it, but I also think you should tell him he willl be doing his own washing and cooking for a month as you have had it to here with the attitude that you sit on the couch all day, and he will be spending all weekend looking after his daughter for real while you job hunt since in his delusional mind he does that already so it’s about time he actually did that for more than 10 minutes. Hes a bad husband and a worse dad.

Lunch time staff in school or kitchen staff? Think it's usually 11.30 - 2 where I live.