SAHM returning to work. Please help!

[ilovepeonies]

Hello

I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and my child is due to start school in September. Before having a child I worked admin jobs in London and have never had a career (nor do I want one)

My husband has a very big career and is very money driven. We are very lucky in the sense that I have not needed to work over the past 4 years, however with the cost of everything going up my husband has said to me he would like more money to himself - therefore he would like me to get a job when our child starts school. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as it brings in something, and he seems to have a figure of around £400 a month in his head. (this is due to the calculations we've done in regards to childcare/dog care if I worked full time)

I totally understand what he is saying and i am absolutely happy to find something that brings in £400 or there abouts each month, however I just feel like the type of job he's expecting me to have just doesn't exist? Weekdays, during school hours, available for pick up and drop off's, not weekends and not more than 1-2 days a week as part of my money will go on daycare for our dog while i'm at work.

I used to have a baking business which i loved, however my husband wasn't very supportive of this. Im really feeling the pressure to find something and i'm wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas? We aren't desperate for money, I feel like my husband is resenting me for being at home while he works so hard. I would love to have a little job to call my own, but im finding it very hard to magic up the job he is imagining

Please be kind.

Thankyou

Lunchtime cover supervisor at a school or a nursery would be perfect

You could also make a lot dog walking of dog sitting if you took on a few more dogs

I also think sitting on fb marketplace and olio and reselling things would bring it that money easily if you had the time

Actually have you thought about divorcing him?

He sounds awful!

You could divorce him and have the £400 in child maintenance instead!

Sorry OP, he sounds awful. I think you should try your baking business if it's something you enjoy. You may not earn a lot right away but you could definitely build it up.

Ironically I work at McDonald's one day a week and I get nearly £400. They are very flexible employers. People might want to look into that before making derogatory comments.

OP do your baking. Any money is better than nothing even if not £400.

Also a friend shared this with me recently
https://ivee.jobs/
'We hand-pick flexible jobs from top-rated employers - allowing you to return to work without compromise.'

Off the top of my head, I know of several SAHMs who retrained/went back to work when their kids stated school. Many have been very successful in starting their own business - nails, crafts, baking, childminding, TA.

This is amazing. Shame they’ve only got about 35 jobs but here’s hoping they expand.

Hello @ilovepeonies I have not read all the posts but I wanted to add that if your DH thinks he’s so smart he should help you to find a role that brings in X amount and enables you to be around for school pick ups and drop offs etc . The baking business from home sounds like a great option. It would take time to ramp up of course to a certain level of income which your DH should be understanding of. Best of luck.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Sorry to say but your husband sounds like a terrible husband (and dad tbh). He sounds very controlling and down right nasty to you.

As for thinking you just sit around on the sofa all day… my husband looked after our kids all day yesterday as I was ill and at the end of the day said he was exhausted. I asked which was harder - a day at work or a day at home with the kids and he very quickly said the kids!!! Has your husband ever actually looked after his child all day on his own? Sounds like he has no idea!

Oh OP I would go back to baking if that's what you love? Maybe do a course or start practicing celebration cakes, you'll get better and better and start earning more and more.
They are a big business!! Show your husband your potential , that'll shut him up.

I’m worried that as your child gets older and moves through the school they might need more support rather than less. As your DH thought about that? Also if he works until 9pm you will have all the childcare to do after work and will be exhausted. Increasingly, you will also have to help with homework and tutoring etc. I have a SEN adult child and ended up doing a lot of home tutoring as he really could not access school even with a PA. The PA notes were frankly rubbish and he would have achieved nothing had I not worked with him. Also the amount of admin around SEN is horrendous. There are individual leaner plans and EHCP reviews. My DH also had a relatively ‘big’ job but understood I was there to enable him to go to London at the drop of a hat or stay at work until 9pm. Being a parent of a SEN kid can be completely different to being a parent of a non SEN kid and that gets more obvious as they get older.

My son was one of the most successful of his similarly SEN cohort partly as he was so much home tutored. The others did not get GCSES but more foundation level qualifications. ..but SEN has many meanings and he is high needs / low incident SEN.

Ive not worked since my son was born because he’s autistic . Also my husband is away a few days a week with work and so he is genuinely unable to help much regarding usual school issues. I am ready to go back to work but am massively struggling to find anything I can do, never mind getting responses. I have a degree and a masters and previously a decent career in the city.

your daughter won’t always need you so much
You don’t sound happy with him anyway

Get yourself sorted with training or education so that you can make choices when you’re finally able to.

If your husband is so clever can’t he simply work harder and get paid even more?

All due respect but with actual ‘big’ jobs £400 per month is not even going to register. If he is taking home thousands a month £400 does not make much difference but his being late for work or having to leave a meeting to pick up kid would. Lower paid jobs are less flexible so you won’t necessarily be able to be off if kid is sick.

My worry also is that he does not seem to accept that both your lives have changed and there will be precious little ‘me’ time and he has not adapted to the new reality. If I were you I would use this married time wisely to get qualifications and maybe a degree that could lead to a decent paid job just in case you don’t stay together. You can sell it or him to look a bit more long term on this issue. I would approach adult education and see what there is .