SAHM returning to work. Please help!

[ilovepeonies]

Hello

I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and my child is due to start school in September. Before having a child I worked admin jobs in London and have never had a career (nor do I want one)

My husband has a very big career and is very money driven. We are very lucky in the sense that I have not needed to work over the past 4 years, however with the cost of everything going up my husband has said to me he would like more money to himself - therefore he would like me to get a job when our child starts school. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as it brings in something, and he seems to have a figure of around £400 a month in his head. (this is due to the calculations we've done in regards to childcare/dog care if I worked full time)

I totally understand what he is saying and i am absolutely happy to find something that brings in £400 or there abouts each month, however I just feel like the type of job he's expecting me to have just doesn't exist? Weekdays, during school hours, available for pick up and drop off's, not weekends and not more than 1-2 days a week as part of my money will go on daycare for our dog while i'm at work.

I used to have a baking business which i loved, however my husband wasn't very supportive of this. Im really feeling the pressure to find something and i'm wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas? We aren't desperate for money, I feel like my husband is resenting me for being at home while he works so hard. I would love to have a little job to call my own, but im finding it very hard to magic up the job he is imagining

Please be kind.

Thankyou

Midday meals supervisor in a special needs school? I have a sen child who I like to go to after school club, but he doesn't tolerate it very well. I love my job because of the kids and do additional ad hoc hours in the classroom to support when TAs are off sick. I work 2 hours contracted everyday in the middle of the day and then do extra hours after I've dropped him to school and before I pick him up. So very flexible working. Not a high or secure income, but would work in your situation perhaps? You could start to look at special needs schools in your area and then check their websites for vacancies or ask them where they advertise.

I dont have either unfortunately

Have you asked him what jobs he thinks you can get, if he's so clever and insistent that these roles exist?

The best you'll find with those hours would probably be minimum wage less desirable roles, and you wouldn't make anywhere near £400 a month average once you factor in school holidays and only working two days a week between school runs.

This is a great idea!

Well, depends on how many dogs you reckon you could walk a day £15-20ph is the going rate here. If you walked them every week day for an hour or even 2 it's keeping you fit as well as getting you out.

I do wonder if you'd not be better in a job around other people though - to chat to? I'd not worry about the magic £400 now, ease yourself back into working first. Tell him you need to find your feet and get into routines again.

You don’t always need qualifications to be a TA, apart from English & Maths GCSE - https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/job-profiles/teaching-assistant
However I do not think you would finish school in time to pick up your own child?
Some schools have lunchtime positions available? However I agree with PP that if you like baking, give that a go again. If you don’t need the profits to pay the bills then you may as well try it?
Don’t let your husband demean your contribution to the household just because he doesn’t see it. If you both agree you don’t want DC in afterschool (or holiday club?) then your only option if you wanted to crack on with work would be an afterschool/ holiday nanny, trust me that will cost more than £400 a month. Your financial contribution in allowing him to work these hours is greatly in excess of £400 already.

I have - His response was that everyone else can manage to find jobs, which yes they can.. but not ones that tick his extensive checklist

Yes, I would quite like to be around other people to chat to as I often feel quite lonely. I will have a look into dog walking though, thankyou

I agree, If only he saw my worth!

Oh I’m sorry you aren’t in a very happy place at the moment.

I do think you should find some work, but for yourself. Your security and happiness.

Have you thought about doing remote home working jobs like virtual pa/call handling? Look on charity jobs, you can filter by home working etc. it might not ease the loneliness in the short term, but it will update your cv and give you a foundation to progress.

Thankyou so much, I will have a look into this!

Thankyou - Yes, this is the reason I personally wanted to get back into something, to bring me a little bit of freedom, joy and purpose - Which is what my baking did. I will absolutely have a look at virtual PA work. I have quite an extensive background in admin so that could work. Do you have any website recommendations of where to start looking?

!! Your husband sounds like an emotionless machine. Er, is doing something you actually enjoy not important to you - and him?

My (very wealthy) ex made the same McDonald’s quip to me - only suggesting I take a job there. At 46, while doing full time childcare as a mostly single parent.

I would push for what you enjoy, stand your ground. It will even out as you won’t need childcare and your child will have more time with you

No you don’t need a qualification except to work in early years you need level 3. However, some schools do prefer a qual. You could also try 1:1 SEN support which could be part time. If there is a local private school you could approach them, even without an advert.

Your husband sounds unkind…he shouldn’t be putting you down like he is. in your position I’d go back full time and pay for all childcare and dog care as a joint expense.

Or do your baking and ignore him.

@ilovepeonies I meant have you specifically asked him to name exactly what jobs he thinks only take 8 hours a week, two days a week and in term time only? To find you some job listings that meet these requirements? To tell you about even one person he's ever known who had a job like that?

He's an idiot. It sounds like you don't want to rock the boat too much as he has you work down, which is understandable. But please know he's a twat, and you're right that he's asking the almost impossible.

He is indeed emotionless. I have very much always taken jobs I enjoy over jobs that pay well which is why I guess i've never had a career or wanted one. my husband is VERY different

He is very unkind to be honest. I will probably go back to full time work when our child is a little older to provide me with some freedom

Look on a site called ‘Charity job’

you can put the beginning of your postcode in, then filter as remote/hybrid and part time.

Good luck op, you deserve to feel like yourself again and worthwhile.

Thankyou, no i havent specifically asked him - however next time the conversation crops up i will!

He sounds… unkind. If you’re working then you should choose what you do. Not just work hard in some crappy job then do everything else at home as well. Do you want to bake?

That’s awful! Sounds like some deeper issues op are you happy?

If baking is the thing you're passionate about is probably go with that. Speak to him and say that was what you used to do, and he was with you and loved you then surely? Why is it not good enough now?

Of course if it really wasn't economical e.g. you was earning £600 on a good month but spending £450 then it's possibly not practical - but when your child starts school it's amazing free publicity. You can volunteer at any school bake sales to help with the stall - put a load of your biscuits and cupcakes in and chat to the parents and soft sell. 'Wow these look amazing!' 'Thanks I run a business doing these cupcakes and biscuits for childrens parties etc so I knocked some up for this stall!'

Some of the mums will then ask for your details especially if you do personalised options.

You may not have had an automatic entry into a soft marketing strategy for birthdays (year round) for children before, but with a child at school you do!

Oof. That’s hard.

Are you claiming dla for your child? And carers for you?

I claim both and work in a library in school hours. I work Thursday, Friday, Saturday . 12 hours a week