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Would you be a SAHM under these circumstances?

104 replies

ToBeOrNotToBe2023 · 23/01/2023 20:49

Just looking for some advice really.

DH and I have two young children. One will be starting school in August and the other is due to start a full time nursery placement in March (after my mat leave ends).

DH and I both earn well. He earns approx £100k and I earn around £43k but with bonuses this usually ends up closer to £70k.

DH has accepted voluntary redundancy and will receive a payout equivalent to one years salary in May. He is very experienced in his field and his contacts have advised that he should secure another role fairly quickly.

We both have decent savings in our own names. His are around £50k and mine closer to £100k.

We can’t decide whether I should be a SAHM for the next 12-18 months in order to allow our eldest to get settled at school and our youngest to get settled at nursery (we would still like her to attend 2 days per week even although I’d be at home).

It would ease some pressure around drop offs, pick ups, who looks after the kids when sick, how to juggle annual leave around the school holidays, ensuring we can spend weekends as a family rather than chasing our tail with housework/house admin.

The downside is that I’d be giving up a good income for this period and no guarantee that I’d be able to walk back into a role with the same earning potential. Also, DH should secure a job easily enough as he has a lot of senior contacts in the industry but of course there are no guarantees.

DH would be paying for mortgage, bills etc and I’d be looking to use my savings for nursery (for eldest until August and then for youngest from March onwards) as well as their clothing/some activities etc.

Really struggling to decide but need to make a decision soon as need to inform my work.

Sorry if I’m rambling. Didn’t want to leave anything out!

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 23/01/2023 21:12

also nursery isn’t your sole cost,nursery fees should be proportional.He pays more as he earns more
This isn’t a good deal. Why should you step back? What about your progression. Your career

Cuddlywuddlies · 23/01/2023 21:16


4thonthe4th · 23/01/2023 21:19

What was the plan for school and nursery drop offs before your DH knew about the redundancy?

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/01/2023 21:20

You’re not short of money get some help stay at work
It’s a dreadful deal he is proposing ,you shoulder all the risk. can you see that?

WombatBombat · 23/01/2023 21:21

God absolutely not. But especially when he hasn’t secured another job.

KangarooKenny · 23/01/2023 21:21

You’d give up wage AND pension, and you’d have a gap in your CV.

Bumble84 · 23/01/2023 21:22

You had me contemplating it right up until you said DH would pay house bills and you would use your savings to pay for nursery…

IneedanewTV · 23/01/2023 21:22

He can be the stay at home parent for a year.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/01/2023 21:24

He could take the year off
Why give up a job which gives you nearly 100% bonus on top?

Kids don't need a year to settle into school unless there's underlying issues, which will come apparent in time and if that happens you reasses

MoleyAndGeorge · 23/01/2023 21:24

Duck no I’d lose my mind with boredom.

Also - your DH hoping to get another job soon is a very, very long way from a secure income.

Saturdaynoon · 23/01/2023 21:25

No, absolutely not.

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/01/2023 21:26

children are shared,their costs and responsibilities are shared
He is making you the domestic donkey,allowing himself to work unencumbered
sit down and properly lust all tasks, and cost nursery and proportionately yiu pay. So he as higher earner pay more
entering a new role he can negotiate WFH and help with nursery drop off and pick up

cestlavielife · 23/01/2023 21:29

No he can be sahp after redundancy and take a year off
You keep salary and pension

pizzaHeart · 23/01/2023 21:31

No, and I’m SAHM myself but for completely different reasons. No way I would do this in your situation.

VivaVivaa · 23/01/2023 21:32

Why can’t he stay at home for a bit if he’s imminently being made redundant and would theoretically walk straight into another job? 170K (your wage and bonus plus his pay out) should surely see you through a year, including bills and nursery fees if it already was before DC2 came along? You are shouldering all the risk and a big financial penalty by staying at home and using your savings to cover nursery. I would only consider it if you were certain you’d be able to go back to your old job and DH had a guaranteed salary that would cover everything for the time you were out of work.

merlotlover · 23/01/2023 21:32

Him earning that much, why do the fees have to come out of your savings?
Could you both go part time? Or some wfh

peeweechigs · 23/01/2023 21:32

If you want a parent to stay at home why wouldn't it be him if he's just lost his job. Ridiculous and bad planning for you to do it

SmileWithADimple · 23/01/2023 21:33

Agree with others - it's not right if he's paying for things from his redundancy payment but expecting you to eat into your savings.

Also - nothing wrong with being a SAHM - but why now? Just at the time your DH is also out of work? It doesn't seem to make sense.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 23/01/2023 21:33

Aside from financial concerns (of which I'd see a few) I think to be a sahp you have to really really want it. It's monotonous and tedious and you have to love love love the good parts to make it worth it. Otherwise resentment will build. I definitely wouldn't be doing it to facilitate school runs and settling in. You do it because you have to financially, or because you would love it and you think it's best for your family. It's too big a sacrifice otherwise.

Wallywobbles · 23/01/2023 21:33

Never. You are heading for peak earning potential. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/01/2023 21:35

No! Your husband wouldn’t be working so surely he can do the kid drop offs etc.

Sucessinthenewyear · 23/01/2023 21:35

I’m a sahm but absolutely not. DH isn’t working so he can be a sahp. I wouldn’t be giving up my job unless a) you want to be a sahp AND b) DH has a secure job.


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Relocatiorelocation · 23/01/2023 21:35

Fuck no. Absolutely not.

MarmaladeCrumpets · 23/01/2023 21:37

I’d be looking to use my savings for nursery why?

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/01/2023 21:38

Seems convenient timing that husband is not work and suddenly you’re considering being a SAHM. Wouldn’t it make sense that he stayed at home? Maybe he doesn’t want to be landed with the childcare and drop offs etc….

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