I know I’m late to the party but I just needed to comment. I haven’t read the whole thread, but I’ve read all your updates and the last 2 pages.
Don’t do it!!!!
Disclaimer - This is a longgg post.
Our situation is similar, although I didn’t earn as much as you when I was working FT and when we were deciding if I should return to work after DC2 and after 13 months off on Maternity Leave. Nearly 4 years later, I took another 13 months of Mat Leave after DC 3. 13 months Mat Leave included Annual Leave accrued whilst I was on Mat Leave.
DH owns and runs multiple businesses with occasional travel. Less business travel since the pandemic hit.
Your current financial situation is precarious as your high earning DH has been made redundant and you can’t predict the future.
You absolutely should not pay the nursery fees all by yourself, regardless of the increased mortgage payments that your DH has been paying. Simply because, if your relationship goes tits up, and your DH tries to fuck you over, you will not be able to prove that your contributed to the mortgage whilst you were sacrificing your earnings and savings to pay nursery fees.
We have 3 DC (1 DC is an adult who still lives at home). I had already reduced my hours to PT for the previous few years just before our last DC started school. I’ve worked PT & FT since I was 14, inclu. entering Higher Education/Uni when our eldest DC was 4.
I made the decision to give up my job just before our last DC started school. At the time, we were also in the thick of managing medical issues re. DC that had arisen during the previous year. DC (now in Year 3) settled into school well (until COVID came along and the schools closed!). I experienced several months of being a SAHM before I landed another job. I initially helped DH to launch a new business for the first few months. I soon had enough of the drudgery and boredom a few months after that project ended, so I started job hunting whilst also volunteering to help children to read at our DCs Primary School. I luckily moved fast and was able to get back into the same field without losing my skills set. I did the job within school hours, initially with a variation of 3 days pw, then 4 days pw and finally settling on 5 days pw. I unfortunately took a big hit salary wise compared to my previous salary. We had given up our existing and previously booked Afterschool Club arrangements for both DC because I had left my previous job. A long waiting list if we wanted to secure Afterschool Club places again. But at last hurrah - no childcare costs!
Then Covid hit a couple of weeks into my new job! It was tough! Plus, I increasingly became unhappy in that job esp. towards the end due to other factors, e.g., bad management. The only positives in that job were the school hours/WFH flexibility and the 15-20 min office commute that I only did for two weeks before the first COVID lockdown.
I’ve since recently moved into another PT job. Again working school hours, 4 days pw. I continue to WFH with the occasional 45 min office commute via tube at least twice a month (home to office). 60 min commute including PM school run (Office to school). I chose to go into the office once a week. I enjoy and love having the flexibility to WFH but it’s healthy to get out of the house, good for collaborative working and social interaction/adult conversation. I’m now contracted to work less hours than the previous job, in addition to a salary increase that is on par with my salary level before I gave up my job and became a SAHM, so I’ve re-gained my earning power/level!
Beware, working PT is not always the Utopia some people may think it is. Depending on the field and workload pressures, it can be a mug’s game as you can end up working FT hours or more whilst getting paid for PT hrs. And then you leave work to then immediately start your other job as soon as you shut down your work computer, enter the nursery/school gates or enter your home.
Be careful of this if you decide to reduce your hours in a role where you were previously working FT. This often happens when there is nobody else to fulfill some or of all of your work duties outside of your PT working hours.
I sometimes work outside of my contracted PT hours due to workload pressures, but I’m able to make the choice to do so when it suits me and my family. And it massively also helps that I mainly WFH. I’m also very fortunate to have a very supportive Manager/Team that I’ve worked with before.
Looking back, my decision to give up work was a mistake. DH was in full support and I was actually planning to start my own business after getting DC3 settled into school, but my Brexit concerns rapidly increased whilst I was a SAHM for several months thinking about my Business Plan. At the time, we were stressed and under a lot of pressure as we had experienced 12 months of managing 2 young DC, nursery and school runs, Afterschool Club pick ups, alongside juggling lots of medical appointments for DC3 and work (I worked 3 days pw then). We had/have no family help.
I understand that you can’t go part-time at work, so consider getting a Nanny or an Au Pair.
It’s hard but stick at it, as it does get easier.
As previously stated, DH is the main and higher earner running multiple businesses. He wouldn’t have it any other way but to the be involved as much as possible in the parenting of OUR children, where he can -mainly AM school runs, a couple of after school clubs, 1 weekend club, lots of recent school SEN meetings and practically all of our youngest two DCs hospital appointments. We both aim to attend our DCs medical appointments, but if I’m unable to attend, DH will take them.
DH will take the DC to his office if need be.
Our youngest Yr 3 DC is involved in a sport that is related to one of DH’s businesses, so DH accompanies DC with that 2/3 times pw and I sometimes assist with drop offs from school to the activity. I have to collect DC3 on school nights, as DH has to stay on later to run the business 3 evenings pw. 20-45 min drive from home depending on London traffic. 3 tube train changes and a 10 min walk (30-60 min journey depending on tube connections/delays) as we’re temporarily sharing 1 car ATM, which means we only have the capacity for DC3 to attend only once during the school week. DC3 won Gold and then Silver at his first two tournaments last year.
DC2 (Year 7) attends school sports clubs after school 2 times pw, is due to start attending a local sports club 1 weekday evening and will be returning to another club (3rd sport) a 30 minute drive away early on a Sat morning after Easter.
We’ve never lent on DC1 to help us look after her younger 2 siblings as childcare help. DC1 is thankfully now working FT and is not at home as much as she was to sometimes let DC2 in after school, when I’m still out on the school run or at the shops.
DC1 recently finally started a dream FT job (creative role utilising her degree) after working PT in retail since Sixth Form. DC1 returned home after travelling for 1 year after Uni, unknowingly sick with COVID before the 1st lockdown and to no job. We encouraged her to snap up one of the supermarket night jobs that were being handed out like sweets just after lockdown (a great life experience for her to know what you don’t ever want to have to go back to, esp. working nights. Absolutely no judgement towards anyone, as DH and I both worked in supermarkets whilst we were students, and we’d both do it again if we had to). She did and then moved into a couple of PT retail jobs since. She’s just been speedily promoted into a senior management position within a few months of joining the company.
DH has taken DC1 & 2 away on day business trips to Europe over the years for educational and cultural purposes in addition to a lack of childcare. DH took DC2 on a week long business trip abroad with his Mum during a Half-Term so I could save my Annual Leave. I juggled
2 DC, office commutes and nursery runs alone that week.
DH also took DC2 on a day business trip abroad just for the fun of it, when I was on Mat Leave with DC3.
I also managed working FT with 1 DC1 and then DC2 when DH worked abroad on contracts, Mon-Fri for months at a time, on & off for 10 years. That was really tough at the end, so DH agreed to end the constant travelling 6 months after I returned to work FT after Mat Leave. It was ultimatum time as I was well and truly on my way to burnout, so he did not have much choice unless he wanted to be single again.
DH is away on business this week. Yesterday via a FaceTime call, I told him that our youngest DC said that he was really missing him. I also told him that he is a great Dad. DH cried.
A very long post but I hope OP and many others that need to see it, get the gist of it. I wish I had access to sites like MN when I was a lot younger. Things have eventually ended up working out okay for me, but I had to learn a lot of life lessons along the way. Now you’re aware, please don’t do it to yourself. Education is key in all areas of life.
OP - It would be madness for you to give up your job in the current economic climate and knowing that your DH is going to be made redundant in May.
Adjust the nursery and mortgage payments ASAP, so your financial contributions can be documented.
None of us have a crystal ball.