Merry Christmas to all other SAHP's

[yorkshirepudsx]

Hi all!!

With Christmas fast approaching I just wanted to take the time to say Merry Christmas!

As we all know - we don't get the Christmas party's, the bonuses or gifts from bosses. We don't get to dress up and go all out feeling our best.
For us, the work actually increases over the festive period and more often than not, we end up burnt out!
I've been so stressed working out how we're going to afford XYZ, if my little one is going to be happy with his gifts (which I know he will, but I'd give him the world if I could!)
Then of course, organising Christmas Day & Christmas dinner for my little family + 8 guests, I don't have enough seats or plates🤭 then the wrapping, my GOD the wrapping!!! 🤯🤯🤯

So I'm just here to say - I feel you, I see you! And I know things may seem like a huge marathon, all just for one day! - But please let yourself have a merry little Christmas too! Whether it's a short but sweet 5 minute bath with a crappy bath bomb, or a sneaky half glass of wine once the kids are in bed 🤗
We get so caught up in the worries and stress of it all, so don't forget to give yourself some time this year, even if it's just 5 mins! Or let yourself eat that box of chocolates whilst you hide from the kids 🙈
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and best wishes for the new year❤️❤️❤️

Why would you move somewhere rural, an hour and a half away from a supermarket, when you don’t drive and your husband works away? There must have been somewhere nearer to amenities you could have moved to?

Where is your husband in all this? Do you have equal access to money? Does he make time for you to see friends when he’s home? Was the baby on the way planned? Three kids, no car and no nearby shops etc sounds insane to be honest. And makes me think your husband doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

We made choices that felt right at the time and in some ways still feel right, not what this post is about. We've also lost family members we relied upon in recent months so that's added a lot of grief.

However people are choosing to pick every little thing apart, as I said, like a literature lesson. I said I'm sorry if I offended anybody that was not the intention,

however, at this point it feels like those that are picking things apart are doing so to make me feel/look stupid, in order to make it seem as though I'm not allowed to have a whinge?
I'm not allowed to miss things from previous years because I made life choices? Well we all made life choices didn't we so I guess it all works the same way, no more whinging on mumsnet for anybody and nobody is allowed to miss parts of their old life 🤷‍♀️

If that's the case, then whatever, I'm done with this thread and I'm done with mumsnet.

Can't make an innocent post to reach out and make friends with other stay at home parents who may be feeling overwhelmed and lonely this time of year.

Bloody hell 😂. I work and haven’t had a bonus or a gift from my boss (is this a thing?!), couldn’t go to my Christmas party as kids were sick and train strikes. And believe it or not we still have to wrap presents, cook Xmas dinner, plan Xmas…who do you think does it for us, our servants? No issue with a friendly place to say happy Christmas to other SAHP but what an odd thing to say. I actually wish I was a SAHP over Xmas as working and organising the kids stuff has me at the end of my tether 😂

And another one coming onto the sahp to say sahp can't be struggling. Why?!

I get it. Its lonely .

Whatever 🙄

OP - I accept your apology.

I understand how isolating, challenging and sometimes boring (for some) being a SAHP can be as I’ve done it for a bit.

I’m just over the constant SAHP vs Working Mums threads on here. Most of us Mums’ ALL have to manage the same demands re. caring for our DC, managing a household, school and life admin regardless of whether we are also paid to work in a job for an employer or self employed.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Aww OP, I’m so sorry this has blown up like it has, I understand the meaning behind it and the way I’ve read it, is simply that you’re missing the social parts of the festive period.

i know people are getting upset by this but I think OP was simply just saying that they miss certain things, and that the usual stresses of Christmas are added to that (wrapping etc)
I don’t think OP meant for one minute that parents that do work don’t have these added stresses it was just thoughts put into paragraphs.

we could sit here all day and pick apart things OP has said, but I don’t think that it’s very necessary as no offence was intended in this post at all, if it’s gotten to you, rant about the festive period WITH OP, as let’s face it, she’s been very gracious and responsive.

we are all under stresses and pressures of Christmas, - and whether we work, don’t work, etc, we’re allowed to have a moment to whinge.

but I don’t think it’s fair to start attacking OP for choosing to be a stay at home mum, it works both ways, if this is the attitude you’ve come here with then does that mean you have no right to whinge about being a working mum? That’s not the case!

there are so many aspects to everybody’s lives, and every person is allowed to have a whinge about each aspect, even if that aspect crosses over into a different lifestyle.

merry Christmas OP, I hope you have a good un’

Naturalbae - motherhood is a massive battle for every mum, it's so difficult for all of us! Rewarding, but difficult 🤯

I hate the whole ' working VS stay at home ', no two people who stay at home are the same and no two people who work are the same! I hope you have a lovely Christmas and all the best for 2023🎄❤️❤️

This is me.

My work Xmas lunch this week was rescheduled to January due to train strikes, but we were still going to have after work Xmas drinks for those of us who are London based.

I missed the pub drinks as our youngest DC has been off school sick for three days now and then middle DC needed to be collected from school after dark due to last min school Xmas festivities.

My DH was going to do both school PM school runs and take both DC to work with him at his 2nd business whilst I was at the pub (as our adult DC was at work), but that plan went to pot as when our youngest DC got sick.

I’m fortunate enough to work school hours four days pw, but we’re all juggling regardless of whether we are Working Parents or SAHPs.

@yorkshirepudsx Thank you🎄😊
All the best for 2023 too ❤️❤️

It’s tough. I get it. DH previously worked abroad Mon-Fri on and off for several years.
We’ve never had physical family support, but we live in London, could afford childcare and I drive. I would suggest aiming to pass your driving test ASAP x

@yorkshirepudsx
Aw congrats 🥳 and happy Christmas to you too. Especially if you're from Yorkshire!

People aren't picking apart your psots, they're recognising someone who sounds isolated and overwhelmed, who is saying we've moved hours from anyone and I don't drive and I can't get anywhere easily and I never get any alone time, nad reasonably asking why - is it your choice or is it because you've been landed in this situation? You want to live there and enjoy the isolation, great. You still get to have a moan, but at least people know it's just a vent not a woman who's BEEN isolated by their partner

Sleeping - no I haven't 'been' isolated, I just feel a bit more lonely with the time of year, is all

I hate the whole ' working VS stay at home ', no two people who stay at home are the same and no two people who work are the same!

Your first post was literally a working vs stay at home… ‘lucky’ parents who work because they get a bonus and Christmas party to go to vs poor you, Christmas is such a busy time for you compared to others 🙄

No it wasn't and as I've said multiples times I apologise if that's how it's been taken,

It was me saying what I miss about when I worked in the festive period!!

Thank you for understanding what I meant by it, just literally a reach out post to any other stay at home parents feeling overwhelmed.

And yes exactly some of the things I listed, I didn't list to suggest working parents don't need to do those things as well, it was just me stating those things as a bit of a rant i guess?

But again thank you for your understanding. However at this point I don't think any explanations are being understood x

Beanie I really don’t think OP meant it in this way, think they were just stating what they miss about working around Xmas etc. OP has endlessly explained that they didn’t mean to offend/upset or cause a reaction like this, people are interpreting it in their own ways and misunderstanding the initial sentiment of the post.

I just find it very overwhelming at the moment (as we all do!) - I can't drive and we've moved quite a way from anywhere (one of the reasons we decided to have me as stay at home parent - the cost of childcare and transport outweighed my earnings), so the times I have been out to Christmas shop etc, it's taken hours.

Maybe you should have said Merry Christmas and solidarity to all those other parents who chose to move out in the sticks with no car… your struggles actually have very little to do with being a SAHP.

OP you don’t have to keep explaining yourself, I understood the initial sentiment as did some others :)

people just genuinely get triggered by things sometimes, which isn’t a bad thing either, we all have different personalities etc, but look at it this way: you could have made a similar post to older mums & you would’ve had the younger mums upset, you could have made a post to younger mums and had the older mums upset, and so on and so on. A large portion of the population do not like feeling dismissed, etc, you didn’t directly insult anybody but some people read between the lines and let themselves get upset.
however; i see many posts on mumsnet and on other groups, that are inclusive and dont have a particular audience, yet they go ignored, because people are always more likely to read them and say nothing.
whereas if a certain group of people are the audience; those not included are more likely to respond.

look at marketing as an example, all inclusive adverts don’t get many comments online, however if they aim an advert at a particular group of people, those not included tend to get their pitchforks out.

Don’t beat yourself up at all, people are taking your original post in the complete wrong way. I understand you. Merry Xmas OP

Yeah OP could have said that, but then chances are, the ones that do have cars and don’t live in the sticks would be commenting getting annoyed at her anyway and saying how they struggle despite having a car and living in a town??

people getting mad defensive over something that meant nothing.
do mothers go onto dad threads and attack dads for having their own conversations??

Plus OP has apologised like 100 times. OP accepted they may have worded it a little wrong and has said that they were just reaching out so maybe leave it at that??

from what I can see, because I have read all comments, OP only mentioned living situation because everybody was questioning and belittling them, making out like they can’t have a whinge??

Plus I’ve just re read it all and I believe op only mentioned no car/living away from stuff because people were coming at them saying they had ‘so much time’ to do everything.

simple fact is, as parents, we all have little time. Some may think because OP is sahp it means they have more time, but this isn’t always the case. I’ve been both a SAHP and working parent, both are equally as hard, but don’t think because op is SAHP they have loads of extra time, that ‘extra time’ goes into the kiddies, house, etc.

so I think living circumstances were mentioned by OP as people had jumped on the ‘you have so much time’ bandwagon, belittling OP as though OP wasn’t allowed to feel overwhelmed.

as I’ve said though, I don’t see where the negativity has come from. If the SAHP threads don’t concern you, just scroll on, it’s causing innocent posts with nice sentiments to turn sour.

Merry Christmas!!

My little one will be 16 months old 2 days after Christmas and I am so thankful to be a SAHM to him!! 🥰 We've already been to 5 Christmas parties/Christmas specials at his baby/toddler classes as well as the Christmassy end of term classes 😄

DP has got Christmas week off this year and starting tomorrow we have another Christmas party, a santa visit with a play session, 2 days out and breakfast with santa 🥰

I've wrapped all the presents for people we don't live with so only have to wrap ds and dps and I did 7 of dps last night 😝

Got some of those indoor snowballs delivered for ds to play with too 🤗

Merry Christmas!!! Oooh where did you order the snowballs from?? I might have to get some🙈🙈

When I first read this I though aww how lovely but they realised that I worked part time when dd was a toddler and although I got a party I didn't get a bonus! Luckily DH is supportive but plenty of working mums still have to sort out Xmas without a break. I appreciate the sentiment but it seems a bit urgh to me