Merry Christmas to all other SAHP's

[yorkshirepudsx]

Hi all!!

With Christmas fast approaching I just wanted to take the time to say Merry Christmas!

As we all know - we don't get the Christmas party's, the bonuses or gifts from bosses. We don't get to dress up and go all out feeling our best.
For us, the work actually increases over the festive period and more often than not, we end up burnt out!
I've been so stressed working out how we're going to afford XYZ, if my little one is going to be happy with his gifts (which I know he will, but I'd give him the world if I could!)
Then of course, organising Christmas Day & Christmas dinner for my little family + 8 guests, I don't have enough seats or plates🤭 then the wrapping, my GOD the wrapping!!! 🤯🤯🤯

So I'm just here to say - I feel you, I see you! And I know things may seem like a huge marathon, all just for one day! - But please let yourself have a merry little Christmas too! Whether it's a short but sweet 5 minute bath with a crappy bath bomb, or a sneaky half glass of wine once the kids are in bed 🤗
We get so caught up in the worries and stress of it all, so don't forget to give yourself some time this year, even if it's just 5 mins! Or let yourself eat that box of chocolates whilst you hide from the kids 🙈
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and best wishes for the new year❤️❤️❤️

Bonus? Gift from boss? I've never had these at Christmas and I've been in full time employment for the past 26 years! And I didn't go to my work Christmas meal because I couldn't afford it and had no childcare anyway. Being a SAHM at this time of year must be lush! Next week I'm going to have to work from home whilst looking after the children because I didn't have enough annual leave left to take.

OP, just imagine there are working parents who are tired, or, GOD FORBID, people who do not have/want, can't have children and are tired, too. What a tone deaf post. Busy is not a badge of honour.

Thanks OP!

This is absolutely bonkers. I was a SAHM for 5 easy years. With infinite time on my hands to prepare for Christmas which actually doesn’t take a lot of preparing at all anyway. Working and looking after children is considerably harder that not working and looking after children, surely that goes without saying.

My job entitles me to sweet FA at Xmas BTW.

I appreciate this is on the SAHP board but I saw it in Active Topics.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with SAHPs being supportive of each other, but, as a PP said:

But the whole post is about how much harder it is to be a SAHM than working parent at Christmas. Which is a fucking joke

The OP made the comparison originally.
It would have been easy to describe the difficulties of Christmas, and remind people that they deserve a treat for their hard work, without listing all the supposed benefits of being a parent who also works outside the home.
My work got busier over Christmas and there were certainly no bonuses.
We did have a night out but it was self-funded, so no reason the OP couldn't go out with some friends for a pub meal. That's basically what we were doing.
To be fair, one of my bosses did give me some very thoughtful gifts but we were friends as well, so I'd have had that if I wasn't working.
The other one, though, gave everyone a bottle of champagne; maybe you could buy yourself one, OP, and recreate the heady experience.
Although maybe not if half a glass of wine is a treat.

I'm sorry about the pile on OP. You tried to do a nice thing. Many posters treat every board like AIBU now.

I was never a SAHP when mine were young, and I never got a Christmas bonus or gift (I did go to the odd party though), but I take no issue with your post, you were just connecting with other SAHPs in a supportive way.

Enjoy your Christmas 🎄🍾🎉

It’s not a pile on, and I disagree it’s a nice thing.

I suspect OP is young, a newish mum and has a certain amount of internalised inferiority over her status which has led to this tribalism over SAHM being her identity.

I hope this thread has been a bit of a learning curve. We are all just parenting and trying to do our best. There’s no need to pretend staying at home with one (presumably) heathy child is anything other than a luxury. Absolutely no need to pretend working parents have it easier.

I’ve been both SAHM, WFH mum and WOHM in the past 20 years by the way.

I agree with PP, sorry @yorkshirepudsx . I’m currently a SAHM to a 2 yo and newborn and even with this I can admit being at work would be much harder. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to cope when I go back in a year or so. I honestly have no idea how working parents juggle it all, it seems impossible.

Some of the posts on here are ridiculous.

No one has the same experience. When I worked I was in public sector so no bonus, gifts or paid for nights out although I did get nights out. As a sahm I have few nights out, in theory more time to do stuff but will ill children and ageing ill parents I don’t. This is all by the by. The OP has created a post to try and uplift other SAHP (on the sahp board) who maybe having a difficult time. Life shouldn’t be a race to the bottom.

If all people can do it knock down someone and belittle them and their life choices for trying to bring a small bit of support and joy into others lives at the expense of no one else then they really need to have a look at what’s happening to themselves.

A beautiful sentiment and post OP. Seems some ignore the whole 'christmas spirit' thing when it suits them and maximise 'grinch spirit'. I am the Grinch and am forced to do Christmas as I have a child. Seasons Greetings to all. (So want to say Bah Humbug, as that is more how I feel about Christmas, but that's a different story).

People who are not SAHPs do all of that and work too. I don’t know how they do it, frankly.

(I was a SAHM for years)

I work full-time whilst still being a full time parent and I wish I got a bloody bonus and a Christmas party!!!

This is by far one of the silliest posts I've ever seen on MN.

It’s the tribalism. And the weird assumption that people who work have bonuses and parties and that parents at home couldn’t possibly go out or have time for a bath.

It plays in to all sorts of misogynistic nonsense about women’s roles for a start. Reads like a swipe at those lucky mums who get all the time in the world to organise Christmas around their full time job 🙄

I read the OP first thing this morning mid school run. This is my only day off this week and I’m so tired, but I have to use this day to do housework, open parcels, panic about what hasn’t arrived or I’ve forgotten, go to Tesco because they won’t let me order a turkey online, and probably deal with work stuff as well because that how my job is. So apologies because it did hit a nerve.

It infuriates me when people buy into this SAHM v WOHM bullshit. This didn’t need to read this way. OP could have said something about the utter slog of parenting when you don’t get a break, and the fact that the household load falls unfairly on the SAHP, and having to shoulder all the Xmas day prep if that’s what’s happening. But the pretendy bullshit that working parents aren’t busier this time of year is nonsense.

I agree with this completely. Christmas is hard for everyone. I didn't go to my work Christmas do as it was £75 that I don't have and I try and squeeze wrapping etc into evenings. I've never been a SAHP but I have had maternity leaves which were the best and most organised Christmases I've ever had.

If all people can do it knock down someone and belittle them and their life choices for trying to bring a small bit of support and joy into others lives at the expense of no one else then they really need to have a look at what’s happening to themselves.

"have a look at what's happening to themselves"?
For mildly disagreeing with someone's opinion on a public message board?
People write an awful lot of portentous nonsense here sometimes.

Afaics, nobody's "belittled" the OP and her choices; some people have said that the picture she has of working parents isn't necessarily accurate.

I appreciate it's the SAHP board, but it still comes up in Active Topics and not everyone checks which board something is on.

As I said, there's absolutely nothing wrong in the OP being supportive to other SAHPs, but there's no need to point out all the things she thinks working parents are benefitting from.

Of course SAHPs can wish each other happy Christmas. However, working parents also have their home work load increase at this time of year. We don’t have Christmas elves coming in to do it all for us. We do it on top of our paid work.

Public sector worker here, so no bonuses or anything like for me!

Thank you, @yorkshirepudsx . It's the last day of term and I'm out for a quick coffee before the end of preschool.
Merry Christmas, hope you have a lovely day

But working parents also have all the Christmas stuff to do, and less time to do it in! And all the worry about balancing work/holidays/childcare. (I am a SAHP by the way)

For those of you saying this is a nice post, there is nothing nice about this post. OP's intention was to clearly to make it seem like SAHP have it "worse" off during Christmas then working parents when in fact not the pissing case at all!

I quite frankly don't give a shit which board this is on, if its ridiculous, I will point it out. This pots is ridiculous!!!

She could have just wished SAHPs a Merry Christmas / a few words of encouragement and kept it moving.

And for the poster saying people are "belittling" OP for being a SAHP, Absolutely NO ONE on this thread has belittled OP for her life choices.

Hi all! I didn't intend to cause upset, I've been a working parent and stay at home parent, I know both are just as hard,
I'm just missing the parts of Christmas surrounding work, like celebrating with colleagues and having time away from the kiddos so thought other SAHP would maybe be feeling the same - and just wanted to say merry Christmas to them too & let them know I understand them!

Apologies

I only work a few hours a week , but we received a tin of chocs to divide up between seven of us!
I knew you'd get flamed op, but being at home can sometimes be harder than working and often felt like a second class citizen when I was a stay at home mum at times
Everyone has an opinion on it, but try to take some you time this Christmas if you can

Thank you for understanding my sentiment, I've been a working parent and a part time working parent - all are equally as hard! But this year and last I've been a stay at home parent, everything seems to have fallen on me to sort and with more kids in the equation (and not getting the time with colleagues & friends I once did, I also miss lonesome work journeys listening to Christmas music lol) - I just felt a little overwhelmed and thought other SAHP's may do too! So thank you for understanding what I meant,
I didn't intend to make any working parents feel worse or anything like that, I just wanted to offer my best wishes to others feeling the same x

Erm SAHP get more time to organise and do it all. What a silly post.

As we all know - we don't get the Christmas party's, the bonuses or gifts from bosses. We don't get to dress up and go all out feeling our best.

For us, the work actually increases over the festive period and more often than not, we end up burnt out!

Well it’s not 1954, most SAHP do the job very much out of choice. If you feel so hard done by at Christmas, maybe it’s time for a change.
Not sure how the the work increases. I used to be a SAHM. Now I have to fit all the Christmas stuff around my paid work…