Would you ever be a stay at home wife/gf/mother?

[User8696589]

If you had a rich partner, or too risky?

I am and I love it. Can’t imagine not being one now and often wonder how I ever fitted work in.
Im married, we’re very financially secure and I have independent sources of income.

I was for 7 years and I'm really glad I did it but I got very bored and lonely once they were at school. Now work part time and love it.

I loved the idea of being a SAHM, problem is DH loved the idea of being a SAHD too. So we split 50/50 when DC were little, both part time at work and at home. Now DC are older we have both upped our work hours and hope to retire relatively early!

I don't think it's good for a relationship to have the kind of imbalance the OP is talking about. You aren't contributing to the relationship and so face becoming disposable. Relationship breakdown is more common in uneven relationships.

This is different to being a SAHP to very young children where you are both happy to have differentiated but equally valued roles, or indeed a situation where one spouse ends up unable to work due to ill health (although I suspect some shitty men will do a runner in that situation as well).

Personally I find my work very rewarding and get a buzz from working with my colleagues. I hated maternity leave and lockdown because I missed out on all that I get from work. DH on the other hand thinks he'd love being a SAHP and has worked PT since our eldest was born.

@User8696589 can you tell us how you ended up not working out of the house? I'm particularly concerned you can't think of any hobbies that you'd find fufilling, that might be a sign of depression.

No. I love my job too much. I work 4 days and would reduce to 3 if I could afford to, just for a better work life balance. But I'd never want to be a SAHP. Mostly because I hate doing the housework and would hate having to take responsibility for that.

If I won millions on the lottery, I'd give up work, get a housekeeper and then there's about 4 different undergraduate and masters degrees I'd love to do if I had the time and money. So I'd go back to uni and be an eternal student. Either way, being a SAHP has never featured in my plans - real or fantasy!

Nope no no nope!

Being financially depend on another person is not something I desire.

Also want to teach my child equality.

Well, unless you're financially independent, you should spend some time planning a wedding.

Unless you have financial independence there would be a power imbalance!

I'm not with anyone rich. But I've stayed at home in the past and I'm stay at home now. I love it. And if I ever cleaned the house as I promised I would 10 years ago when I finished work, my other half would love it too. 😂

I would, but my job (truck driver) is one I could easily resume.

No. I went back to work after 12 weeks, my brain was starting to atrophy.

I would love to be a stay at home wife and technically DH earns enough that I could be. I couldn't put the pressure of being the sole breadwinner on him. Given the choice he'd happily be a kept man himself. He's done well in his career but it's not something he enjoys so it would feel very unfair.

Don’t do it. I am I absolutely hate it.

I've been a SAHM for some 16 years now. Worked part-time when DD's were very young, oldest was 38 when I packed work in, youngest was 3. DH was working away when they were babies and toddlers, and quite frankly I was fed up with the stress of working, looking after DD's 24/7, and doing all and everything in the house. Weekends were crap. Gave work up and it has been bliss ever since. Never looked back. If you think your brain will suffer, you frankly lack imagination.

oldest was 38 lol, that should be 8!!

I had a two year period pre getting married where I relocated to facilitate DH’s career & didn’t work - I did some cash in hand remote work and studied for my MSc.

As it was an expat deal, we had accommodation and bills covered and I had enough in savings to cover flights home if it went tits up.

After two years, I moved back home and found a job, DH followed shortly after (visa issues) and we have since got married, had a child and relocated again twice for work.

I was adamant that I wanted to continue working after having children & I am a better parent for it. I work four days a week and my earning power is currently about 70% of DH’s (obviously more if I worked full time) so I can more than look after us if anything happened.

We have an agreement that any future moves would have to include us both working to the same living standard, or be such a significant package that it could cover two salaries plus pension contributions.

We also have significant savings and investments in joint and separate names. I’m comfortable with our position and that I’m also protected should anything happen.

absolutely no chance for me. If I was married to Elon Musk I would still have my own stuff going on and maintain my earning potential.

I'm a SAHM with a preschooler and a toddler, and another on the way. I'm married and part of a subculture where divorce is extremely rare.

I plan to homeschool my children so intend to be a SAHM for years to come.

I love my life. We can live in the way we want to, including growing lots of our own food, cooking everything from scratch, having lots of family and social time, and volunteering, as well as raising our children exactly how we want, because we never have to make comprises with childminders/school/etc.

We live in an expensive part of the country and I'm extremely lucky to be able to do this.

Quite a few PPs are equating power/importance with earnings.

I think being a SAHM only works well if both partners believe/understand the work of looking after children and running the home to be as important as the work of earning money.

I think only if married and I really had to eg multiple pregnancy which meant childcare was more than wages or having a child with healthcare needs that required a SAHP. I know from experience that I need the routine of work and I'm a much better parent when working part time. I'm not good with the multitasking and groundhog day nature of housework and childcare unless it's broken up with some enforced focused time at work.

A woman I know has been with her partner for around 4 years. He lives in her home. He came into a significant amount of money recently. She's given up work (but is volunteering for a women's charity). They're cash buying a new home together and it's in both names. If they split she'd be extremely comfortable and with her qualifications and experience could get back into paid work.

Also they're not married, she has kids, he doesn't and they won't be having any together

I don't want to be a kept woman.

No, I love my job. We could afford to do it so we both work part-time instead and split the domestic stuff 50/50, it’s perfect.

Absolutely never, not just because of the potential financial insecurity but also that I found maternity leave insanely boring and couldn't imagine that being my permanent situation.