Would you ever be a stay at home wife/gf/mother?

[User8696589]

If you had a rich partner, or too risky?

What on earth do you do as a stay at home girlfriend?

Do you have a fallback plan if your relationship ends and he kicks you out?

I'd do it with a non rich partner. In fact, I have been a sahm for over a decade. I hate working

Nope I hated being stuck at home with small children. I went back to work part time as soon as I could. I work full time now and am going through the menopause and would love to go back to part time but can't afford it.

How old are you ?

I'm guessing young - 20s, possibly 30s?
Yet you are sitting around twiddling your thumbs asking the internet how to fill your time ??
Don't you have any drive? Ambition ? Things you want to achieve in life ?

From your op, I was going to say that now, at my time of life, I am seriously considering finishing work but I have accomplished a lot in my life and I am old and tired and want to finally have some time to do the 101 things I want to do that I haven't really had time for between my career and bringing up my dc. In effect, I would be retiring early after a busy and fulfilling working life. I can't imagine being a young person just sitting around with nothing to do, no.

Yes. I did it for 4.5 years after DS was born. Went back to work part time when he started school.

I'd absolutely do it again. My relationship with dh is very equal and appreciate what each other do. There are many advantages for him to for me being 'at home' as well as me enjoying it and possibly piercing it. He is a high earner which makes things easier.

If my DH could support me comfortably I would (we don't have children). Technically he could keep us going just fine on his salary but I don't feel comfortable with it. If he lost his job tomorrow he'd be in a panic but with my lower paying job and our savings we could comfortably last a year without worrying.

I’ve just had three weeks off and am seriously considering it. I work for myself and am exhausted. I only have 2 years until my LO starts school and I don’t feel like I’ve made the most of her early years. It doesn't seem sensible to carry on as is when I could take some time out and pick things up again easily in two years.

No but I couldn't work full time either.
So, if it's a choice between full time work and stay at home, I may lean more towards stay at home.

No. I've had two stretches off work, one for travelling and one for maternity leave and I hated it both times. I love my job, I love earning my own money, I love getting out of the house. I like cooking so I do that but I haven't cleaned my home in a decade (the cleaner does it I mean!)

No I wouldn't want to stay at home. I really enjoy my career and im still ambitious. Plus having the means to be completely independent means your partner can't control you.

Nope. Would be so bored. I would do a job I loved rather than one that pays well though!!

If I've read her posts right though, the OP isn't talking about being a SAH Parent - that is a very different kettle of fish. She has said 'wife' or 'girlfriend', and I inferred from that there are no dc she is looking after / bringing up.

It's a very risky choice becoming a stay at home girlfriend, if you have no financially independence then what happens if you split up as you have no legal right to anything. I'd give this very careful consideration if I were you.

Hell yeah I would. I’d focus on creative hobbies and see if I could make a living out of doing what I enjoy. If it got stressful or tedious I’d drop it in favour of learning, volunteering or just being. Not working would be fucking brilliant.

If I were married and we had a very clear agreement then theoretically I would consider it (although personally it would be my idea of hell), but as a girlfriend? No way on earth would I put myself in such a risky position

No, I'd rather be the rich one.

I was a sahm when dc were small, and loved it. Dc wasn’t high earning. Did it because I wanted to be a full-time mum to the kids, and we cut the cloth accordingly.

I really don’t think being a stay at home girlfriend is a good idea. Financially you have fuck all protection if you don’t have kids, and if you do have kids you have less.

Can’t you get married?

Being a SAHP is very different to be being a SAH wife or girlfriend though, so I wouldn’t really lump them into the same category.

I do know a SAH wife; her husband is in the military and they move often so I guess it would be hard for her to establish a career. She’s very capable and energetic, and does lots of brilliant and important volunteer work. They are child free by choice, have been married for 20 years and are very happy so it obviously works for them.

Very unlikely. I have worked too hard at my career and it would be risking too much - giving up my independence, earning potential, network, mental stimulation. I had 18 months out of work with DH working and that was quite enough for me!

I did it for about 5 years.
it was great but I was also happy to go back to work as well (PT)

I feel very privileged that I was able to spend several years as a sahp when my dcs were little. Once they were both at school I found a pt job and dh looked after them on the days I worked. When they were a little older I began to work as a TA and have been doing it ever since. Dh has always taken at least his fair share of the responsibility for childcare so that was never a concern. There were tines when finances were tight, but we got through them and I value the time I had at home. Both dcs are now adults and I know from conversations with them, that they value the time we had together when they were younger, too.

But as has been said, parenting is very different from "just" being a SAH girlfriend.

All that said, if you don't have a career, and you have the opportunity to go an live abroad for a while for example when your boyfriend has been offered a job, then I would happily go and treat it as an extended holiday, or 'gap year'. If you aren't giving anything up, then you aren't losing anything.

I just think that there is only a short length of time I would be happy to do it for. It would just become a very dull life without any feeling of being needed, or achieving anything.

We have a 1 and a 2 year old and I love being a SAHM! we fought very hard to have our babies, lots of miscarriages, very difficult births etc and now we have just bought our first home in a beautiful rural village, I've never been happier, albeit knackered by 7pm most days, I'm in bed now! Rock and roll! 🤣

But that is a completely different scenario from the OP's.