Would you ever be a stay at home wife/gf/mother?

[User8696589]

If you had a rich partner, or too risky?

I am a SAHM/Housewife and I love it. I don’t understand people saying they’d be bored, I have so many hobbies and interests and having the time to actually spend on them is lovely!

No.
I'd never want to lose my independence.

Probably not . I like having some financial independence, plus I enjoy working .

Well I’m currently on maternity leave and I can’t wait to go back to work. I’ve realised I’m not cut out to be a SAHM (I had no intentions of being one anyway) but even if I was independently wealthy, I just don’t think I would enjoy that life and I think I’ll actually be a better mother if I work (and DD spends time with some professionals and other babies).

I was, and I loved every second of it.

Now divorced, sadly, but there was enough for it not to be entirely ruinous for either of us (or, more importantly, for the children).

My advice to anyone wanting to become a SAHM is that it's bloody brilliant - but get married. If I hadn't been married, I'd have been shafted when we split up (and so would the children, as a result). As it is, we are fine. Not loaded, but fine.

Never

I didn't have any time to spend on hobbies or interests as I spent the whole time with the children. Evidently went wrong somewhere!

Same here @ImplementingTheDennisSystem . I detest domestic life and was happy to return to work after a year’s mat leave. If I’d stayed at home all of us would have been miserable. My financial independence is very important to me - I saw older female relatives stuck in bad relationships because they were dependent, and you only have to look through MN threads to see that this still happens.

I did it and it was my biggest parenting mistake. My previously so called egalitarian relationship turned into one sided parenting where I am essentially the unpaid nanny who doesn’t need to have any kind of life of my own. I’m at the mercy of my OHs work shifts and my kids social lives. I’m now disabled and unable to return to work so easily so it was a huge mistake for me to be a sahp. It’s sooooo boring. I do not recommend it. Work part time just to escape

Yes.....but I'm the wealthy partner in the scenario so that changes the dynamic. My partner continues to work full time because he enjoys it. I hated what my employment had become and resigned as my conscience wouldn't allow me to carry on. I love it!

If you're young, you need to think long term about pension provision especially. You also need to think about how being a SAHP can change your relationship. Will you be expected to be cook, cleaner and childcarer or will you buy in help? How will you divide money.....will you spending on clothes/hair/makeup be considered frivolities by your DP (maybe not straight away but over time resentment may build).

If you were married, the risk is a lot less. As an unmarried couple with/without children, you'd do well to have a chat with a specialist solicitor (ibex who deals with HNWI) who can help draw up agreements to protect you both.

It depends what they are but I got mine involved in my hobbies and interests from a young age - took them to art galleries in slings, took them hiking from the get go, read kids fantasy literature etc. The result is I have one DS who likes Dungeons and Dragons and will play fantasy games with me, one DS who loves gardening and will spend time planting with me and DD who loves to paint and draw and we spend time on art together. They also like the sort of days out I like.

I imagine if your hobbies are something like paragliding it would be more difficult to do around kids lol

How rich? Him earning £200k and us unmarried? No. Him having millions in assets and earning £2m and us being married? Yes.

I wouldn't be bored shitless. I would fill my days with interesting things and outsource anything I didn't want to do.

Yes but only with help. My mum didn't work & we had au pairs, nannies, cleaners etc.

Although if money was no object I would start my own business

No, I think its really important that children see their parents working, I wouldn’t want to be an unemployed parent and I wouldn’t want to be married to one either. We both work part time as it is a good balance between working and getting lots of quality time at home without being too knackered or having to spend lots of money on childcare.

I was for years when our children were young. It didn't seem like a big deal, it was just the most convenient option. I didn't find it boring at all, they were the best years of my life.

Absofuckinglutley!

I'd make a go of being a florist and have a side business of anonymous art I'd paint etc and sell.

I'd love it.

I've had a month of leave between jobs and it was great. Spent all month doing my garden, but of flower arranging and walking the dogs. I doubt I would be bored.

I would love it. And I definitely wouldn’t get bored - I have tonnes of unfulfilled hobbies! But while we could probably afford it, I would worry about something happening to DH which would mean a loss of income, and also I wouldn’t want to leave him as being the only wage earner since that doesn’t seem fair.

No, not for me. I love my job and value my independence - both financially and physically.

the reason I have posted this is because it's now.. my situation?! And I feel quite anxious and day to day, worry what I'd do if something went wrong. I'm a stay at home girlfriend now.

What hobbies or things can you recommend me to do? I'm definitely in a slump!

What do you enjoy?

I'm a SAHM with a DH who earns a decent amount. We're by no means rich but we're living comfortably.
I have no money of my own and honestly, it doesn't worry me.
We have a strong, healthy and happy marriage.

I'm going back to work in September but DH has said that if I find it's not working for me or our children, I can always go back to being a SAHM.

I am a sahm, it’s all I ever wanted to be so I pissed around in my 20s. If I could go back 20 years ago and know what I know now (whilst conveniently ending up with the same kids please!) I’d work so bloody hard at school and forge myself a kick ass career so I don’t have to be a sahm who can’t afford childcare!

Now, I dare say if I had a nanny, housekeeper, pa, chef and general staff to run my life and I only had to do the fun stuff with the kids I’d probably be having a whale of a time. Alas, I’m all of the above and not loving it!

I got ill health retirement. I still have a 15 year old Dd at home .

l feel I’ve just turned into chief cook and bottle washer and l hate it. I’m not allowed to take up work as part of the pension, but boy l hate it. Feel like l escaped one hideous stress to end up as a housekeeper.

What do you mean, you're a stay at home girlfriend? Do you mean you don't have to work because your boyfriend earns enough for you both? If so, that's great - but it might be risky to rely on this entirely if you're not married. Nobody goes into a relationship thinking it's going to end, but it's better to be prepared. Has he put you on the deeds of his (presumably) house? Do you have a joint account? And so on.

I can't begin to imagine having to ask what hobbies to take up. Surely there must be things that you love doing? I love various things, all of which I put on ice for 20 years while I was a SAHM and am enjoying doing them now that the children have left home. Do you like sports? Playing an instrument? Drama? Reading? Cross stitch? Running? I, for instance, loathe team sports but like knitting - but someone else would be the opposite. Nobody can suggest a random hobby to you!