Becoming at SAHP

[Tiredandtorn]

I’m sorry if this has been asked a thousand times before...

I’m in the position that I could give up my job and be at home for my kids full time. They’re not babies anymore, the eldest is at school and the youngest starts in September. I’ve had to work since they were babies, pretty much full time but now I have the option not to thanks to DH doing well at work and being able to cover us financially.

In principle, I want to do it and love the idea of being there after school every day. I’m already around during all school holidays as I work in education. I feel like I’ve already missed a lot of their growning up too by having to work until more recently.

I’ve never been financially dependent on dh, and although he won’t mind and wouldn’t question my spending (within reason!) I’m really struggling with this aspect of it.

Also, I hear a lot of SAHP talk about loneliness and boredom? Is this the case? With them both at school would I lose my mind at home on my own?

I’m used to a very busy job and non-stop days. The idea of a break from the constant drop-off, go to work, rush to pick up, rush dinner, rush reading etc etc sound like bliss. But does the honeymoon period wear off?

Would it be wise to give up work at this late stage? I’m so confused... and feeling guilty for the time I’ve already missed and will never get back...

All advice and experience welcome x tia

@cantlivewithoutcoffee I completely agree, it's a very personal choice.

I do understand the 'financial independence' concern BUT for us it wasn't big enough. My husband has given that up BUT for us it was still the best solution on balance. Due to the nature of my job and our children's needs, him working even part time out of the house wouldn't have worked.

Good luck with the decision OP. There isn't a right or wrong!

I became a SAHM almost two years ago and I have never been happier. My MIL became very poorly after DC 4 was born and sadly passed away last year. She was our whole support with childcare. I had always wanted to stay home my husband was always against it. When I went back to work after maternity leave the last time I lasted 8 weeks before it got too much. DH had been promoted meaning he was away alot. MIL was too poorly. Childcare costs were more than I was earning. We took the leap and I handed my notice in. Best thing I have ever done. I have no intention of looking for work when my youngest starts school. DH has the job he always wanted and I am where I have always wanted.
If things change then I would think again.
Try it. If it doesnt suit then look for another job.

For those saying don't give up work, would you say the same if a man was asking the question?!

Yes. I absolutely would say this to anyone thinking of giving up work, man or woman. In fact, employers may look upon former stay-at-home dads trying to get back into the work force more unfavorably than SAHMs, because traditionally men are the ones who unquestioningly go out to work and provide. I could see an employer looking at a potential, former SAHD job candidate and questioning his commitment to work if he was willing to stay home for X number of years. That kind of thinking is unfair and sad.

I have two sons, and I would advise them to think hard and weigh all pros and cons if they were presented with OP’s option. And yes, I have to admit, I would strongly advise them to not give up work completely.

For those saying don't give up work, would you say the same if a man was asking the question?!
Yes I did and I do (see previous post)

@Tiredandtorn I have been a SAHM for over 14 years. I didn't quite choose it, it sort of happened and we discussed me staying off for a while. I never went back.

I had 10 months maternity leave with Ds1 and then went back to work part time. Dh has always earned more than me and a job relocation and progression meant I had to leave my job. Ds1 was about 18 months old.

Because we moved somewhere more expensive childcare wise we talked about finances and our wanting a second child. Me staying home was a temporary measure to see if either of us felt uncomfortable with anything, housework wise, finances, resentment wise.

It worked out fine, but we have always shared finances, I have access to the joint bank account, plus my own account. We have a joint credit card and Dh understands children cost money. I never have to account for my spending.

We communicate well, he thanks me for what I do and I thank him for what he does. Our children are in years 11 and 8 at secondary. We have been married for 20 years.

Dh has made every sports day, school play and parents' evening due to his flexible working and being able to work later if he took time out of the day. He has made my life very easy and in turn I make his life very easy.

I volunteer but I also like being by myself. In this day and age with the internet, audiobooks, ebooks, podcasts, radio, tv on demand, Netflix and Amazon Prime if you are bored at home something is wrong. I have a couple of other friends who don't work so we manage to catch up with each other.

Yes, there are lots of divorces on MN but that is because there isn't a place for people to say their relationships are great.

If you can take a sabbatical then I would, just to dip your toe in the water. But I have absolutely no regrets about being a SAHM.

I never went back after having dd1

I didn’t earn enough to cover childcare, the job bored me to tears and pregnancy left me disabled.

There were other mums who were in the same boat and had small businesses that worked around school and children.

One business became so successful the husband gave up his job and joined her in the business.

There are alternatives to ft work or sahp.
Although like hen teeth you could think about going very p/t.

Even matched betting would give you a small income

I started my business (sadly Dp is ill so everything has been put on hold).
I will return to it at some point. I made more money doing my small business than I ever could going to work in my previous job