Things you will only ever have experienced if you have lived with a farmer

[Scrowy]

These pesky beggars are everywhere at this time of year. In the washing machine. In every pocket and vehicle footwell and today in the sink

That and the ever pervading smell of particularly pungent silage.

Getting told off for letting the dogs INSIDE THE HOUSE on a cold night when we had been together a few months.

Standing awkwardly at the JCB stand at massive agricultural show whilst he & numerous brothers crawled about under a trailer making sketches so they could copy it.

Gawping in disbelief when his 76 yo mother hopped into the tractor to help with the harvest.

My mother was constantly on the hunt for a thermometer that hadn't been up a bullocks arse. I am not convinced she didn't just shove one in our mouths out of desperation. I have the constitution of an on now.

Udder Cream was applied on any member of the family for pretty much any ailment (back in the 80s). As a teenager I began to question whether applying it to my neck actually would help a sore throat!

Zombie lived on her grandparents' farm between the ages of 2 - 7.

Black and blue hands from being pecked by the hens when collecting eggs.

Being headbutted by a ewe while attempting to bottle feed a rejected twin lamb.

Touching an electric fence feels like a VERY hard kick up the backside.

It is possible to direct a stream of milk from the udder into the waiting mouth of a barn cat.

A 4 year old can steer a flatbed truck between rows of hay bales (because she was the only one too little to throw or stack the bales).

Stampeding cattle are scary.

Piglets are nearly as cute as lambs.

Sigh. Those were the days.

Ahh yes... Udder Cream. A magical potion

Had a farmer's son boyfriend before I started university. Tractor sex was far too uncomfortable, as were hay stacks. He knew all the back lanes where we could go hide with his pride and joy (original Y at the end reg) Mitsubishi Colt, though :o

We live in a predominantly rural county and I tell DH off when he's ocmplaining about tractors on the roads in August, pointing out that there is no sticking to between normal rush hours, as farming rush hour in high summer is basically whenever it's daylight and not pissing down.