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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sil hasn't made contact with us for nearly a year

122 replies

silconfusion · 12/01/2023 09:54

It started off with me noticing that sil and bil never rearranged to come and meet our youngest son. He's nearly 1 now and she still hasn't met him,

She didn't attend a family weekend away for mil's 65th, nor did she attend a dinner.

She hasn't said thank you for her Christmas present from us, nor has she (nor bil for that matter) given us any presents this year. Very strange behaviour.

There have been some rumblings that they're taking some time apart or something but bil spent new year with her and her family.

Their relationship is none of my business. I'm just annoyed that she hasn't met our youngest child, and the lack of presents/thank you is really rude.

Wondering if I should contact her? But say what exactly?

OP posts:
Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 13:43

What dirty laundry?

OP posts:
Fushiadreams · 12/01/2023 13:46

I don’t understand why if your bil thanked you when you handed them in you need another thanks from her

sounds like you’re trying to find reasons to go after her and cause some drama.

CunTea · 12/01/2023 13:52

silconfusion · 12/01/2023 13:43

What dirty laundry?

The 'she did this, she did that' carry on, absolving the BIL of any responsibility. If she's on here, she will surely recognise herself.

LordSugarTits · 12/01/2023 13:53

She might not have even got the present if they aren't together and he's just pretending everything is fine! Seems a weird thing to get worked up about when you "used to operate as a family" and now you've not seen her for a year.

Fucking hell, sod the kid and the present, why haven't you checked she's ok before now?

Notaboutthebass · 12/01/2023 13:55

Just ask how she is, sounds like you're being stubborn. Why should they buy presents for you? I didn't buy everyone presents this year as I couldn't afford to, nobody was like how you're being.

Notonthestairs · 12/01/2023 13:56

I think if you aren't close enough to your SIL to ask her how she is then you aren't really in the position to get the hump about her not visiting.

Invite her for a coffee and talk to her.

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 13:58

LordSugarTits · 12/01/2023 13:53

She might not have even got the present if they aren't together and he's just pretending everything is fine! Seems a weird thing to get worked up about when you "used to operate as a family" and now you've not seen her for a year.

Fucking hell, sod the kid and the present, why haven't you checked she's ok before now?

We have spoken in the last year, as I said, I checked on her when her cat died

OP posts:
Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 13:59

Notaboutthebass · 12/01/2023 13:55

Just ask how she is, sounds like you're being stubborn. Why should they buy presents for you? I didn't buy everyone presents this year as I couldn't afford to, nobody was like how you're being.

I mentioned it because it's just strange, we always buy each other presents.

OP posts:
CunTea · 12/01/2023 14:02

silconfusion · 12/01/2023 13:58

We have spoken in the last year, as I said, I checked on her when her cat died

Show quote history

😂Move over Mother Theresa.

OP, I am genuinely not being sarcastic when I say I am pleased for you that this SIL is the biggest problem you have in life.

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:04

It's not, but thanks.

OP posts:
Lillysmamma · 12/01/2023 14:04

If they are in the UK with the way the economy is now could they be struggling financially and be embarrassed about it?
I say that because a lack of calls could indicate can’t afford phone, not going to a weekend away or a meal or reciprocating gifts could mean they can’t afford them. Lack of thanks could be avoidance that they can’t reciprocate?
I would think there was something bigger going on regardless. People don’t change for no good reason.

LordSugarTits · 12/01/2023 14:07

"We have spoken in the last year, as I said, I checked on her when her cat died"

Yeah I know, so what? I said you haven't seen her

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:07

Lillysmamma · 12/01/2023 14:04

If they are in the UK with the way the economy is now could they be struggling financially and be embarrassed about it?
I say that because a lack of calls could indicate can’t afford phone, not going to a weekend away or a meal or reciprocating gifts could mean they can’t afford them. Lack of thanks could be avoidance that they can’t reciprocate?
I would think there was something bigger going on regardless. People don’t change for no good reason.

No, no money worries

OP posts:
Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:08

LordSugarTits · 12/01/2023 14:07

"We have spoken in the last year, as I said, I checked on her when her cat died"

Yeah I know, so what? I said you haven't seen her

Ok I miss read. Thought you'd said 'checked on'.

Anyway, I'm getting slated for some reason. I'm not sure I'm as bad as either I've made myself sound, or posters are assuming.

OP posts:
CunTea · 12/01/2023 14:09

silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:07

No, no money worries

Show quote history

How do you know?! The amount you imply they have been in touch, it's not the sort of thing they would confide in you by the sound of it.

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:10

How do I know? Because I know. Won't be explaining here though!

OP posts:
CunTea · 12/01/2023 14:10

silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:08

Ok I miss read. Thought you'd said 'checked on'.

Anyway, I'm getting slated for some reason. I'm not sure I'm as bad as either I've made myself sound, or posters are assuming.

Show quote history

Mumsnet was ever thus

Iknowthis1 · 12/01/2023 14:15

Give her a break. She's obviously got something going on in her life.

She could have marriage problems, money problems or health problems that you don't know about. Infertility, for example can make being around babies really hard.

Christmas presents might not be high on her list of priorities.

Notonthestairs · 12/01/2023 14:16

"Anyway, I'm getting slated for some reason. I'm not sure I'm as bad as either I've made myself sound, or posters are assuming."

I think you are being criticised for choosing to be offended rather than concerned about her.

LordSugarTits · 12/01/2023 14:17

We think you should check on her properly and not make it about not saying thank you (your BIL is the one that should've done that) or not meeting your kid.

You said you were family but you've acted all affronted about the kid and the presents and then text her "happy new year". Pick up the phone and ask if she wants to meet for a drink ffs.

RoseAndRose · 12/01/2023 14:17

Perhaps you could encourage your DH to increased his communication with his DBro

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:18

Notonthestairs · 12/01/2023 14:16

"Anyway, I'm getting slated for some reason. I'm not sure I'm as bad as either I've made myself sound, or posters are assuming."

I think you are being criticised for choosing to be offended rather than concerned about her.

I'm both.

OP posts:
CunTea · 12/01/2023 14:23

I'm not slating you. I'm just playing Devil's Advocate and speaking as I find.

FWIW, my two-pennyworth is that you have made yourself sound rather entitled, and your concern about her sounds like a flimsy veil for your annoyance that she hasn't put you and your baby on the pedestal you desire.

I'm sure that's not really the case, the written medium is notorious for misconstruence.

Original poster
silconfusion · 12/01/2023 14:24

CunTea · 12/01/2023 14:23

I'm not slating you. I'm just playing Devil's Advocate and speaking as I find.

FWIW, my two-pennyworth is that you have made yourself sound rather entitled, and your concern about her sounds like a flimsy veil for your annoyance that she hasn't put you and your baby on the pedestal you desire.

I'm sure that's not really the case, the written medium is notorious for misconstruence.

Ha that's pretty harsh.

Laters

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 12/01/2023 14:25

Well it's pointless being offended when you don't have a clue what is going on in her life.

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