Sil hasn't made contact with us for nearly a year

This sounds perfect.

For all you know, they've split up and she's left present buying for his family to him. Maybe he hasn't even told her you bought a present. She might be having a horrible time and wondering why not of his family have bothered checking on her. And not just for a 'thank you'.

OP, I was in the position of your SIL a couple of years ago.

After a 15 year relationship, ex-p & I separated.

No-one from his family got in touch, to ask how I was doing, or kept in touch afterwards.

He had an affair, for context & I had to move out of family home with DC.

That hurts to this day.

If you are normally on good terms, please get in touch with her, just to say hello & you hope she is doing ok, offed support.

Sounds like she perhaps has a lot going on, but honestly, dh is the spokesperson for us to his family. He says thanks and arranges visits (sometimes I visit, sometimes I don't). Gosh, I hope everyone isn't going around thinking I'm a bitch because I don't do all the wife work.

Surely the SiL would get in touch to say thank you for her present? Which is that the OP is referring to? So bil said thanks in receipt, but normally the other person would get in touch to say thanks for theirs? I think some posters are being a little obtuse in their desire to shout wife work...

Dont understand why are you so concentrated on the lack of presents or apologizing about it.

Has your husband actually spoken to his brother to ask what is going on?
Have you spoken to his brother to ask what is going on?

Why are you focusing on the SIL? If they are having issues then it is her job to tell you. Your post is all about her. What about him? Your misogyny is showing.

@Tiani4 Exactly! Not by blood. I certainly wouldn't consider any kids my SIL has as my nephew or niece.

She doesn't owe you a relationship. Invest in the relationships that are in front of you rather than trying to orchestrate a relationship with someone who for what ever reason isn't offering you one. The cloak and dagger phrase makes me think the wider family dynamic is difficult and strained. If so she may have opted out, which is her right.

What?

If you're married and your husband's brother or sister has kids then those kids are your niece and nephew.

Or, when you were growing up, did you not have "aunt and uncle so and so are coming over."

They're not blood but they're you're husband's blood. They're family. They're your nieces and nephews.

I've seen this opinion a few times on mumsnet but have never encountered it anywhere else. Ever. I've lived on several counties, and in many areas of Britain. In every circle of friends, married couples would both refer to children of their own siblings and children of their spouse's siblings as niece and nephew.

Mumsnet really seems to have a skewed look on life with this and the comments like, "Why is your 19 year old still living at home".

Youre not worried about her though are you? You're pissed off because she's not worshipping at the altar of your fertility. People don't owe you anything just because you had a kid

I completely agree! I’ve always found this attitude odd. I have 2 nephews and 1 niece on my husbands side, and I can guarantee you that if we were to separate, I would 100% still treat those 3 children in the same way I do now because they are my relatives too, regardless of blood. I wouldn’t suddenly stop loving them!

Same as my sisters husbands children from his first marriage are now my nephews too. If they split up, I’d do my best to maintain those relationships too, although appreciate that might be harder depending on him and his first ex!

Do people on Mumsnet either really not love their nieces and nephews on their partners side, or genuinely feel they could just turn off that love if a relationship breaks down?

yes, it's a bit rude not to thank you for her gift. unless maybe she asked her husband to pass on a 'thank-you' to you? maybe?

the rest i wouldn't be bothered by. my BIL's wife has very little contact with us. she's lively and we get on great when we see her at family occasions etc. she speaks to my kids if we happen to be in the same place, but i don't think she regards them as 'her' family. they're BIL's nieces/nephews iykwim? i've never texted her (don't have her number), but if you do, just send a quick 'how's things? long time no see' text?

Exactly. I have an Aunt who divorced from my blood relative Uncle when I was a toddler. It's been 30 years. She is still my Aunt.
She is my cousin's mum. She came to my grandparent's funerals. She came to visit me in hospital when I had my children.

She isnt blood. She hasnt been married to my dad's brother for 30 years. But she was family then, she is family now. She'll always be my aunt.

My ex SIL (I am divorced) told me and my then husband when I had DC1 and I called her Auntie Heather not to call her auntie that our children weren't her nieces or nephews and that only her brothers kids were allowed to call her aunt.

Op I'd say you have a BIL problem and it's up to him to drive relationships with your side of the house.

I've a long term partner and I've no idea how much he keeps in touch with his family or what he got them for Christmas (we don't always do a big family meet up together at Christmas).

@MaryBeardsShoes Why do you feel that this is an acceptable way to speak to another human being? Would you say this in real life to someone if, for example, a colleague was chatting to you in the kitchen at work?

Aside from the message you sent a couple of hours ago, have YOU tried to contact HER over the last year?

When my brother and his wife split, I made it clear that it changed nothing in our relationship with each other. My child has several aunts and uncles and she's the one we see most of despite living the furthest away.

If you have had no contact for a year, I'm not sure I would chase. NC for a year is a pretty clear signal that she isn't interested, IMO.

Yeah, complain to Mumsnet, airing all her dirty laundry instead of checking on her.

And way to make the poor woman's life (probably) falling apart about you.