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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OLD nightmare - do I call the police or am I over reacting? (content warning: sexual harassment and abuse)

107 replies

2kittykatties · 18/07/2023 01:18

I am online dating. I was due to meet someone for the first time from OLD this evening but over the course of the day he made me feel a bit uncomfortable to the point that i decided not to go on the date and told him so. I got a Torrent of abuse from him about how I was a small, pathetic person and how i should "watch my back" for deciding not to come and "leading him on. "

I didn't reply and left my phone on airplane mode. I have just switched it back on to find a load of videos of him having (seemingly forcing) sex acts on another woman, telling me I am “missing out” and "somebody else took your spot." I can literally see her face and everything.

I feel terrified by it. Plus I feel he has personal photos of me (not naked ones just normal ones) and he has our exchange of getting to know each other leading up to this date where I am talking about my divorce etc and where I live (general area not specific house.)

Is this just one of those things that happens in OLD or is this exceptional and I need to do something about it, like tell the police? I have no sense of proportion as this is one of my first experiences.

OP posts:

Rainallnight · 18/07/2023 06:55

I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. No one deserves this and it’s not what anyone expects when doing OLD.

Your instincts are obviously excellent. Thank God you cancelled.

Backstreets · 18/07/2023 06:55

Thank god you didn’t go on the date! What a total lunatic! That poor woman in the video.

Doggymummar · 18/07/2023 06:57

Terrifying definitely report and up your security.

Oceanus · 18/07/2023 06:59

OP no advice here, just very glad you listened to your gut. The woman in hte video could have been you.

YeaGads · 18/07/2023 07:00

Does he know your family name? If so shut down even if temp all SM accounts. All you need is a family name to find someone and then indications online of your whereabouts even if not explicitly put.

Report to the police.

whatchagonnado · 18/07/2023 07:03

Thank God you didn't go on that date.

I think you have a duty to report this to protect other women in the future. He's obviously got quite an explosive temper

castlesandsand · 18/07/2023 07:03

Report - he may have past form for this and already on the police radar. The videos are likely to be illegal if the woman has not consented.

Thankfully you followed your instincts and dodged a bullet with this one.

Poppercorn · 18/07/2023 07:06

PostOpOp · 18/07/2023 05:47

Definitely report. I'm glad you trusted your instincts.

Don't forward those videos to anybody (unless the police tell you to send them through - I don't know how they do it). Just in case you want to share with a friend for a second opinion, because that's also illegal.

Came to say this. Don't forward those messages on as that will be breaking the law also.

Incognito2023 · 18/07/2023 07:09

Definitely not normal. Well done for following your instincts, lucky escape,
and please do report to police - and also to the dating site

SpinCycles · 18/07/2023 07:19

Psychopath.

Definitely report him. Threatening you is illegal. Sending videos of this woman presumably without her consent is illegal. And it sounds like he has sexually assaulted her as well. Horrific.

whattodo22222 · 18/07/2023 07:21

You are absolutely not over reacting. I agree with the poster who advised you to beware of security etc, this man sounds very dangerous.

Fudgewomble · 18/07/2023 07:27

Report to Police : (1) threatening you (2) sharing video presumably without other woman’s consent and (3) if god forbid this escalates you have already got a report on file.

ThatFraggle · 18/07/2023 07:32

Don't call 999. Use 111.

violetcuriosity · 18/07/2023 07:32

Hideous, poor you OP. I actually had a very similar situation during lockdown where I was meant to meet someone for a walk but something felt off and I ended up cancelling (I actually lied and said I'd tested positive so it wasn't a snub) but he went mad too and must have gone to an exes house and had some really rough sex with her and filmed it and sent it to me. Honestly sounds so similar. I left it because he didn't know anything about me and it just became one of those stories that gets circulated as a warning but in hindsight I wish I'd reported him. Good luck x

Replacethelightbulb · 18/07/2023 07:33

Please do report it. Also tell the OLD site that you're registered with. They will likely ban him.

Canisaysomething · 18/07/2023 07:33

This is really scary. Thank goodness you didn't meet him. Definitely report, if he can do this without meeting you, what is he going to do to the poor woman he does meet!? Maybe he did meet someone and rape them and that's what you saw. Please for the sake of someone else and yourself report this as a potential rape and revenge porn.

AtlasOfImperfection · 18/07/2023 07:34

Report this, and then check your social medial. It needs to locked down so that you have left absolutely no trace for him to be able to locate any part of your life.

Zonder · 18/07/2023 07:35

Please report.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 18/07/2023 07:35

Hold onto these messages for now

if he sends anything more coldly inform him he’s committed and offence and you will Report him to the police , or report
it’s your decision

sorry you had to experience this

id venture a guess he’s not a experienced criminal for the pure stupidity of sharing these images which are totally illegal

stay safe

BigcatLittlecat · 18/07/2023 07:35

If the messages are on WhatsApp would he be able to delete them in the cold light of day? Don't know where you stand on downloading them to your device? Absolutely shocking though! Report!

Changeling78 · 18/07/2023 07:35

You’ve had a lucky escape OP, definitely report him. His next target may not be as savvy as you.

AllOfThemWitches · 18/07/2023 07:38

My only worry would be that the police don't do anything and then he's even more angry.

trickyex · 18/07/2023 07:40

How awful, sorry you experienced this.
Please do report to both the police and the dating app to have him removed from there.
As other said, do check your SM settings and well done for following your insticnt.

Lilybetsey · 18/07/2023 07:44

Please please report this. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but thank goodness you followed your gut and didn't meet him.

This is awful - and dangerous, and illegal. You could help to prevent another woman being attacked, please report it

Original poster

2kittykatties · 18/07/2023 07:49

Thank you all. I fell asleep and didn’t reply last night but I am going to report today
I really appreciate the all the support

shall I block him on whatsapp now? I am afraid of him getting even angrier when he gets one tick?

OP posts:

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