3yr old horrid to my partner.

[marybeth60]

Hi,
my DD is 3 next month. Her father and I separated when she was just 1yr old and has lived with me and seen her dad regularly since then. For the past year I have had a new partner, I introduced them gradually and she has always been happy to have him in her life....recently tho she has begun to reject him, she glowers at him and refuses to speak to him! Making life very uncomfortable all round.
She is a VI little girl who talked coherently from age one and has a mental age of at least 5. Emotionally tho she is coming into her "3D" stage as my mother calls it and has recently started acting up whenever she comes home from my ex's house. Saying she wants to live with daddy, that she doesn't love me (oof..that one hurts) etc etc.
My partner and I do not live together as yet as we are very wary of upsetting her further, but this is what we want to do and in the future marry!
Can anyone give advice who has gone through this or similar? I don't want to scar her, but nor do I want to throw my partner away, whom I love very much, for a 3yr old temper tantrum. Please help someone
...other sites have suggested my partner abuses my dd which is UTTERLY disgraceful . He has NEVER been alone with her to abuse her, if you have these disgusting thoughts, please keep them to yourself!!
Thanks

just deal with her the same way you would deal with her being rude or naughty with anyone else. 3yo is a classic age for acting out and trying to assert themselves, it just happens to be that she is directing it towards your partner. perhaps she has picked up on some sensitivity about him maybe from your ex.

fwiw you do come across as rude-implying that those who give you advice you disagree with have children with no personalities is rude and it is ignorant. ignorant in that you seem to think these people have no understanding of people or children becaus their advice differs from what you want to hear.

I am actually, thanks for noticing.

There isn't any traffic.

sweetie

Fran, I'm not phased by "the sun"
When she told me "i don't love you" I let her see me cry ( a first). Could see the cogs turning and she eventually said she was sorry and we had big hugs and kisses to make up. She does have a certain understanding and have tried to talk to her re her feelings, she says my bf is "a bit her friend" "but not a lot"! yet when he not here she asks for him...weird!

I would be trying to work out why my 3 year old was horrid to my partner if I were you. IME 3 year olds aren't "horrid" to anyone without a reason.

good point indigo

booyhoo.
Thanks, I do appreciate constructive comments, however, "because you can't handle a 3yo" is an unfair comment, as is "may i suggest parenting classes". We are all mums on here who occasionally have problems, that doesn't make us bad parents as I felt was implied!

'With my ex I suspect she pretty much gets away with anything!!!'

This is a crucial insight. Why don't you start by ditching the 'ex' bit. He's her dad and you and him are her parents. You no longer have a sexual relationship and are now in a long term partnership.

There does seem to be some resentment as to how he parents. This could run both ways - he might think you are being too touchy on the subject. Have a frank 'family' discussion with him that also includes your child and your new partner. Set these rules and make sure she's under no doubt that she won't get away with playing one parent against the other. She needs reassurance that she is loved and wanted. And yes, new partners can make children feel unloved even though this obviously isn't the case.

IndigoSky, 3 yo can be horrible to other children and adults though they may not deliberately mean to. They don't have tact or empathy and only see things from their viewpoint. This behaviour is a recognised part of development. Rejecting OP partner isn't necessarily saying she doesn't like him but rather he gets in the way of her and mummy.

parenting classes dont imply that you are a bad parent, infact if i had a friend who was going to parenting classes i would think they were being a very good parent by taking a very active role in raising their child and seeking professional help to do it. no shame in that whatsoever. we all need help and whether we get it from friends/relatives, in a book, online or in a parenting class. it is still help no matter how you dress it up. and again tehre is no shame in that.

.but yes, "horrid" that's the word i chose and i stick by it! until you have experienced it, don't judge it!

Agressive.

I could not understand why you would call a 3 year old, horrid. Sorry but i cant.

Booyhoo, very true but the suggestion was meant as an insult no matter how you try to dress up the sunny one's suggestion. Sunny with a chance of rain may be a more appropriate name.

Celtic, that's a really good idea.....will try and sort something like that out! If she sees us all in the same room together it may asuage some of her fears! Thank you.

3 year olds usually have a reason for their behaviour in their own minds, however irrational. I would be trying to work out what that was.

i am leaving this thread. there seems to be some grudge or something overriding it.

Can I also suggest that you don't cry in front of a three year old. You need a mature approach to this.

or they maybe have children with zero personalities!

You are posting about your children calling her a name, nice mum you are.

TY Fran....someone else who saw the venom as it was intended!

your child.

Off to find an umbrella. Hope OP gets this sorted

Yes it was meant the way it sounded 10/10.

Oh hit a nerve sweetie!

GFY