when to tell someone you are a "randy pervert"

[justlookafterthedog]

as a randy pervert (and that is what quite a few of you would think of me) how should I (a man) communicate this to potential partners? I know that I am incompatible with the majority of women and I have no wish to waste their emotional energy on something that will never work or worse still start a relationship that is doomed to unhappiness. first or second date, maybe wear a t shirt?

I've just binned a couple of shami kebabs from the freezer.Can't take the risk!

EXACTLY NomDePlume - are you suggesting that the other situation is more plausible??????

lol Benhur

(Yeah im a guy) Eel rubbing, I really can't go into it on a public forum. It's way too eel-y.

I thought it was called "space" docking. Probably Shiney told me. I am

I suppose if you are one of those oddities who has a thing for poo then taking it a step further might make sense. Makes more sense than having some frozen links in the freezer just waiting for an inventive use.

[overthinking]

[bleaches brain]

I think I need to step away now.

"Now darling - let's do it again, but a little bit COLDER!!"

when you say eel-y, are we talking real eels ? Are there animal rights laws being breached here ?

lal, I dunno, we're trying to make sense of something that makes no sense

presumably you can't use normal poo in it's unfrozen state because a) it'll disintegrate when you try to insert it and b) the infection risk as a result of faeces in the vagina is pretty high.

I'm overthinking again. Somebody stop me.

Well I s'pose eels are slippery

A bit tricky slipping the condom on in its natural state I guess.

Maybe you are supposed to poo into the condom? Tricky though.

Good god.

I blame coolfonz.

I'll hold judgement until I've seen it on Nigel Slaters simple suppers!

Perhaps it's an ancient eskimo custom.

(Which are really called Inuits).

Inyourwhats?

Inyabits?

snurk

this place taught me genki porn

Maybe Ms McKeith could shed some light on the correct consistency and the like...

I think that the OP has run away in horror at how dirty this thread has become!! The poor chap is going to be in therapy for years!! Mumsnet has broken him!

On the bright side, I bet he's no longer worried about being such a randy pervert that he's incompatible with most women.

Perhaps he envisaged us all as Victorian Laydees fanning ourselves demurely, blushing coyly at his outrageous manly revelations.......... NOT!

he's having his therapy over here