Am I being unreasonable?

[Skara]

D(**n)H was away last weekend on a boys jolly. That has meant I've looked after ds and dd (3 and 1) and the house and garden etc for 12 days on the trot without any help from him. When he was arranging it he was very quick to promise that to make up for it I'd get a lie in both days this weekend but now he's being all narky about it, making comments like 'well you'll be alright with your TWO lie ins' which I think is blooming unfair given that he was off last weekend in luxury surroundings while I got up at 5.30am with the children. Thoughts, anyone who is still up at this ridiculous hour? Am I entitled to my turn at having a relaxing weekend and if so, do I just ignore his carping or how do I handle it?

Damn right you're entitled to your lie in. We're pathetically competitive though about whose turn it is to lie in in our house. I'd remind him, calmly if possible (not sure I'd be capable of that, I'd have shouted already but wouldn't recommend it) what the deal was and where he was and you were last weekend. If he doesn't shut up about it then I'd go out alone for as much of the weekend as possible just to make sure he's got an idea of how your week has been. Sorry, probably not the most constructive advice but No, you're NOT being unreasonable IMO. I love these "am I being unreasonable" threads. People almost never are.

Oh WWW I have shouted
Problem is our marriage is on seriously shaky ground and he is an unreasonable *. Well, he's ok as long as everything is going his way. Every weekend when it's my day for a lie in he delays it as long as possible so that I've been well and truly woken up by dd clomping around our bedroom doing ballet in wellingtons and ds yodelling nursery rhymes through the baby monitor. Then he stumps off downstairs in a bad grace and shouts and grumps at them all morning so I don't get a sleep anyway and it turns into a farce with me lying upstairs grimly refusing to give in. Conversely on his lie in days we creep downstairs at 5.30 and stay well out of the way till about 11. Hrmm I'm not painting a very good picture of my marriage am I...?

oh dear, skara, sorry to hear that. don't think you are being unreasonable and sorry to hear you think things are on shaky ground with dh.

sorry, i don't have anything constructive to add apart from general support. if it were me i would lay down the law... that might not be too helpful for you...

good luck.

Thanks. Think I will just do it the way the old me would have and stop being so pathetic.

Skara, are you me??????? This sounds very firmilar. DH also lays in bed every day and then when i ask him to get up with the kids he delays it till I either get up or he gets a smack round the back. He lets the kids shout upstairs and DS even comes and wake me up........ arrrggghhh men

It's the same in my house.When it is dh turn to get up he takes so long to actually get up that I go and get ds then when he does eventually get up with him he makes that much noise i can't get back to sleep any way.

Glad it's not just me! I have to book a lie-in the night before..then he takes forever to get out of bed so I am well and truly awake. Then I come down to total chaos: kids still in 'jamas (ds2 often still in last night's nappy), breakfast dishes on the table, mess everywhere. It's as if he is saying "well..I got up with the kids, but I'm bd if I'm doing anything else."

Whereas when I get up (quietly, so as not to disturb him)..all three of us are dressed, washed, breakfasted, dishwasher unloaded, couple of loads of washing through the machine..all by 8 o' clock while His Lordship snores his head off upstairs. Grrrrr....

And (oh I hope I'm not the only one to do this)...in that (rare!) post-coital snuggle, when we used to lie back and talk, I now whisper sweetly in his ear..."so you're getting up with the children in the morning, aren't you darling...?"

What happened to me...I used to read Cosmo, and believe in equality, for God's sake, and now I'll sell my soul (and body!) for a lie-in!!!!

Skara, my dh was also away last weekend on a jolly golf weekend. I also have no lie in today as he is working and tomorrow, well, I wouldn't hold my breath as my two kids won't have it even if DH will. DS (9 mths) is in the bed with me anyway and DD (2 y/9 mths) will shout the house down if I am not visible. He's away again for a week in October to Florida (GOLF) but then he works soooo hard (or so he tells me).

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. It is your right just as much as his and I would do what www sugggested and that is to go out for the weekend and show him what an UNJOLLY time you have.
If my dh wants a night out on his own with the lads, I have one with the girls the same night. Why should I miss out on fun? Also he knows to book the babysitter coz if he hasnt we both dont go out.
If you feel that you are being taken for granted do the same back, men dont like it and soon get the message when there is no dinner on the table or batteries in the remoteor no sex in the bedroom.

P.S When you are finally entitled to a lie-in make sure there are packets of smarties/m&m's or whatever makes your kids go crazy and hyperactive lying around for them to eat.Then lie back and relax and leave him bloody to it.

Why don't you do what he did and go away for the weekend - stay with a friend or something?

I'm with everyone on this.

LOL marthamoo. I'm seriously thinking of trading sexual favours for sleep!

skara - here is a radical idea! why don't YOU go away this evening! Doesn't have to be to a luxury hotel - just to whoever you know who has a spare bedroom and would be happy for you to sleep in it for a full 12 hours. Tell him you'll put the kids to bed, and then you are off and will see him at 11am tomorrow morning. If he complains you can fairly legitimately ask what the difference is whether you are in the house or not considering he is "on shift" and you can also point out that going to a mates spare bedroom to get a kip is not quite up there with his luxury weekend away but you are quite happy with it thanks.
Might also have the effect of making him a bit more use in the mornings when he has promised you a lie in in the future??
Worht a try anyway!

Well girls, just to update although haven't got time to read the messages properly (will do so later when I haven't got a 3yo hanging off my leg wittering in my ear and distracting me). This morning guess who got up? And guess who did his usual delaying tactics and got a lie in until 11.45am? AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. More ranting later when I can use more than 2% of my brain power to type. But relieved/dismayed to discover I am not alone.

Skara,

Um - this must be a silly question but why don't you let this happen on his lie-in mornings too...???

Skara,

It's usually the same here (but I'm immobilised right now, so he always has to, Try breaking your leg)

I'm convinced the only way mums get a proper lie-in is to farm the kids out for a night. Possible candidates include (in order of preference)

a) Gradparents
b) Your sister or brother
c) his sister or brother
d) your best friend
e) your next best friend
f) a mere aquaintance you met in the supermarket
g) his best friend (but only if he has a reasonably trustworthy partner)
h) The bloke who lives down the road. He may be a peadophile for all you know, but hell you are desperate for a lie-in

well, I am ready to commit murder!!! After me asking dp last night before I went to bed, if when he came to bed he could be queit as I am tired (i'm pg, about 6 weeks) he came to bed pissed and woke me up, then proceded to snore his nuts off and when I asked him to sleep on his side I got told I was a "selfish bitch bla bla bla).
Eventually I got up and went in ds (7months) room but he couldn't sleep with me in there so I ended up in the dining room sleeping on a sofa (could still hear him snoring when I was in the living room). This was at 3am, I went back to sleep about 4.30ish at 6.30 I am woken to dp dumping (literally) my ds on me saying "give mummy a cuddle" - oh no, I say, you can stay u[ and let me go back to bed, and I got ignored!!!

I am so v v v v v v vv v v v v pissed off, I feel crushingly tired at the best of times and I can't understand how he could be such a git!

Sorrry for the rant, and the spelling, I can't be arsed to check this post.

Janh,in my past life I would've done just that and let him suffer the same lack of lie in but he is so stressed/depressed that he is a miserable git to live with and it wouldn't be worth it to prove a point. I think he's so wrapped up in his own problems that he can't see how unreasonable he's being. He used to be ultra considerate and kind, I think that's why it is so hard to deal with the way things are. As we ended up arguing this morning and so I didn't get a rest today either, I am determined to have a rest next week. And I am going to go off alone - sounds like a heavenly idea

Men!! They really think the world revolves around them. This thread just proves what a selfish, inconsiderate bunch men in general can be. I really believe though that they just don't see it. Probably because we let them get away with it for a quiet life, and we know the chaos that would ensue if we did leave them to it. Grrrr.

such a familiar tale
I've given up on lie ins altogether at the moment - dog in the manger style, if I can't get one he can't have one either, so when ds wakes up, I pretend to be very hale and hearty and fling open the curtains, being very annoyingly 'top of the morning' style, and make sure we're both miserable. Although as I go to bed at a reasonable hour knowing that early mornings are the rule I'm generally in better condition than dh who seems to ignore completely the fact that we have a 9 month old and still stays up til 2am playing on the playstation. Wonder why he's so tired in the mornings then??
I agree completely that the only way to get a relaxing weekend is either to leave home or palm your little one off on someone. But then of course you might still get dh/dp whingeing for his cup of coffee and breakfast in bed (or is that just in my house?)

My DH is exactly the same. Yesterday he had his lie in (which is normal for us as he gets up at 6.30am everyday for work), I took Ds to safeways, came home, where he was washing his car. Made lunch for everybody, he plonked himself down on the sofa to watch yesterdays afternoons motor racing programmes which was on for 3 hours! Ds by mid afternoon was absoulutly hairless, so I took him out to the park for a 'run round' came back about an hour later, when DH announced he need to do his tax return, which is where he then disappeared to for the next two hours. Last night at about 7.30 DS decided to start throwing up all over the place. After eventually getting us all off to bed at about midnight, DS threw up all over his bed, So I got up to change that, he then wants to come in our bed, which means 1/2 hour later he's thrown up all over Dh's side of the bed (good on you son!). I then changed our bed and said I'd sit with Ds downstairs (It's now 2.30AM) which is where he said he wanted to be. DS then fell asleep on the sofa about an hour later, but I couldn't and ended up with a about an hours sleep max all night. This morning DH got up at about 8.30am. Took over from my 'shift', allowing me to shower and change, empty the dishwasher, and empty and re-load the washing machine. After all that, started cooking lunch, so it would be ready for DH to watch the Grand Prix, which it was. I then cleared the kitchen, re-fired the washing maschine, and announced I wanted to go for a nap for an hour max 'Please wake me up after an hour' were my final words. Result = woken up after half hour, by DH in a strop asking where can he take DS in the car as he's asking to go out somewhere. He then proceeds to have a go at me saying my attitude is outragous etc etc etc and went off in a huff somewhere with DS.

PS. I did say before we went to bed that maybe we should take the night in turns. Ha bloody ha to DHs answer 'Well I can't do that as I have to go to work Monday'

Sorry to go on, on someone elses thread but I'm completely upset/livid/shellshocked.

What a cheeky load of bastards! Can't believe what the men here are getting away with...

God I can't believe all this either www...Dh has tried it a few, maybe 5 times, in the whole time we have been together. I told him that I simply cannot function on having no sleep or a lie in once a week or so, packed up and went to my mums, where I sleep better anyway...

DH misses me so much that now we do it all 50/50. We get the same number of lie ins and if I stay up with DD because she is ill he will get up and do the housework without being asked.

I feel very lucky now, I swear you ladies must have the patience of saints!!!

I hate to say this girls, but in our house I'm the one that gets the lie in in our house. I am blessed with a saintly dh who can't sleep in, and he is always up by 7, so he gets up with the kids. I've tried getting up with them but within 5 minutes he comes downstairs, unable to sleep. I look after the kids so that he can have a kip in the afternoon.

I didn't wake till 8.30 this morning, and I had breakfast in bed. I felt so guilty I cleaned the fish tank out (disgusting job!)