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Original poster

christian shy guy.does he like me or not??

34 replies

kimplus4 · 02/07/2010 23:53

so, i really quite like i guy i met a church.
hes really intelligent, a climate researcher with a phd (way out of my league) (im just scraping a 2:1 at uni). hes smart and funny, an amazingly kind hearted man with a love for god thats so pure and trusting.. we go to our church housegroup together and had a mild disagreement so i emailed him to talk about it and apologise. i offered him to call me but he ignored that and later gave me his no to call him. i did and he didnt answer. however he then tried to call me back and i missed it.the next day he was busy doing a charity bike ride so i left it but called him back the next day and we talked on the phone for ages until i said i had to go... i ended the convo.. 'take care see you at church'.
this week i saw him at our group again and he said hi and was then straight off to talk to the men and ignored me. once i looked up and he was looking right at me but when i caught his eye he turned away.
he is away this weekend but i would love to spend some time with him next weekend just as friends to get to know him, we do seem to get along when talking alone. i dont know what to do for the best. he told me on the phone that he finds it hard at church as he really wants a family of hs own, maybe he thinks its oo much for him.... ive got 4 kids.. bugger what shal i do!
maybe he just wants me to go away. i dont know what to think!!
advice greatly recieved.

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 23:56

He hasn't done anything to pursue you, has he? Except return one phonecall of yours?

I don't think he likes-you likes you, no. Sorry.

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 23:57

ask him to meet up for coffee - if he says no you have you're answer, if he says yes - see what happens.

Original poster
kimplus4 · 03/07/2010 00:01

healso offered to help me move house and opened up to me on the phone something he went on to say he dosent usually do.
he is very shy and apperently does not and has not had a girlfriend for a while.
hes just so lovely i just want to hold him and tell him how wonderful he is! im sad i know.

OP posts:
Original poster
kimplus4 · 03/07/2010 00:08

bump any more advice

OP posts:
TheUsefulSuspect · 03/07/2010 01:17

stop going to church

pippop1 · 03/07/2010 01:40

Try the old fashioned way.

Maybe you can ask a mutual friend to let him know that you are interested in him. Perhaps he's shy at church because everyone will see you together even if you just talk together and gossip about you two?

I think the coffee idea is a good one. Then you'll know.

Tortington · 03/07/2010 01:45

what worries me about this situation - they way that you described it is that he might see this as a christian thing to do - to help THAT lady with the four kids.

to ensure you are not a charity case , invite him out on a date. specify date

Otterlybotterly · 03/07/2010 06:58

Oh, and having a PhD doesn't make him 'way out of your league'. It just makes him someone with a PhD. Don't put yourself down because you 'only' have an honours degree, really.

SpiritualKnot · 03/07/2010 07:29

Just coz he's religious and goes to church doesn't mean he's a nice guy. My H's parents are both vicars and H is mega religious and loved by all in the church, didn't stop him committing adultry and leaving me with our 2 children for OW.

That aside, he doesn't sound interested to me at present. If you want to pursue him, start being a bit distant towards him and polite. If he comes to talk to to you and tells a joke, for example, don't laugh, just nod and smile as if you've heard it before.....worked with my H anyway!

Don't phone him either, just wait.

toccatanfudge · 03/07/2010 08:03

thing is I'm thinking he sounds just like my brother (apart from the fact it's not as my DB doesn't have a degree lol). Who I know for a fact wouldn't have the guts/courage/know how to go after someone. He used to exasperate me even when I was a teenager (he's only 4yrs older than me) - because he was just awful at showing that he was "interested". He's now mid 30's has had only one proper girlfriend that we've known of.

And now it's even harder for him as he's that much older people expect he'll know how to show he's interetsed - but nope - he hasn't got a clue

And actually yes based on that - Custardo (as per normal) is probably right - be direct - ask him on a date.

IsGraceAvailable · 03/07/2010 08:11

Kim, what does this mean?
"he told me on the phone that he finds it hard at church as he really wants a family of hs own, maybe he thinks its oo much for him.... ive got 4 kids"

I'm not getting the connection between church and having a family??

Btw, the obvious thing is to talk to your minister ...

VirtualPA · 03/07/2010 21:01

I would just ask him directly if he is interested. Do you feel this is a relationship that is supposed to happen of that you want to happen IYSWIM?
Does he believe that God chooses your partner for you? as I had a friend who's DF thought this and it took him a long time to ask her on a date as he was waiting for confirmation.

DH and I met at church and it didn't put him off that I was married before (and 21) because it was BEFORE I became a Christian so I wouldn't pay much attention to the post about him being nice to you because you have 4 children and he is trying too help out. (Not sure if that makes sense)

Original poster
kimplus4 · 05/07/2010 18:52

thankyou im now pretty confused we have a church meeting on wed, shall i just ask him to dinner before it. we both finish work at 6 in the city ctr but have to travel to get home and then be back in the city for 7.30. shall i suggest dinner before then?!

OP posts:
VirtualPA · 05/07/2010 18:55

That's a good idea. Let us know how it goes!

Original poster
kimplus4 · 05/07/2010 18:57

virtual..... ive never really felt that gos wes telling me to do anything until now... he is not the bad boy i am usually attracted to, and while i dont think phwar hes gorgeous when i see him, i think he is totally beautiful from the inside out and i find this a very attractive quality. i feel that god is putting me in situations where i can be around him.... almost to show me how good for me he is..... i think ill jst ask him for wed.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/07/2010 18:58

If he sees some sort of mutual exclusivity between church and family (church and sex), i.e. he has serious hangups, RUN, and not in pursuit of him.

VirtualPA · 05/07/2010 19:14

I think you should contact him and ask him, if you are meeting him before something and it doesn't ggo well it means you both have an 'excuse' to go.

Coolfonz · 05/07/2010 19:16

Religion = weirdos

"an amazingly kind hearted man with a love for god thats so pure and trusting" BLEAGH!!

Have you considered reading the bumsex thread and getting some tips?

Original poster
kimplus4 · 05/07/2010 23:10

coolfonz, dont you have a bridge that needs attending too, or do trolls live in apartments now..

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 05/07/2010 23:14

Well, he might be shy or something, or be worried that you are too devout to be into blowjobs and therefore he's not going to chat you up. But given that lots of some Christian men have major hangups about women and sex, I wouldn't pursue this bloke myself.

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2010 23:18

He likes you.

He has offered to help you move house...when will that be?

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2010 23:19

Christian men have hang ups about women and sex? Really, SSB? What makes you think that?

ChocolatePants · 05/07/2010 23:21

Kim....I really think you should cio=oncentrate on your studies and your kids- if I am right your husband has just left you?

Seems a bit odd you areposting on opinionsre new n=man so soon. If you did have 4 kids...I don't see how you would even br thinging in these early stages of seperation about a new bloke....sorry, it just sounds all odd....

ChocolatePants · 05/07/2010 23:21

sorry for typos, dyslexic, sometimes don't spell chsk(can't be arsed)

ChocolatePants · 05/07/2010 23:22

Can I be ok to say this sounds like bollocks...I thought you had 4 kids and your husband has just left...