I don't know what the hell to do

[NervousAndScared]

DH just lost it. Everything in ds1's room is either in the bin or in the loft. DS1 was in trouble for annoying ds2 so ds1 threatened to jump out of his window. DH put him in the little loo to calm down and he just flooded the floor and put soft on the wall. I was trying to get DH to calm down and not throw perfectly good toys away and he said he had had enough of us not having any money when they have £1000s of pounds of toys, and he is selling them.

I told him I was torn between giving him a cuddle as I love him so much and going as far away from him as possible as I was scared of him. He raised his eyebrows so I walked away. I tried to cuddle him later but it was a half hearted arm on my back. I told him I had enough children so did he want to talk to me or me to leave him alone. He is alone.

DH said he was fed up of everyone and I am sure he means me too that I lost it a bit.

I am seriously questioning my marriage now. It can't be good to be scared of your husband.

Ah, wait a minute......

I think even I know who this is, and I'm generally quite oblivious.

I dont any clues?

Actually hoping this goes the same way as another thread where the poster got ripped apart and actually had to think about how she has fucked up the kids lives and how she posts details of every piece of mundane shite that happens in their lives

Lol dittany, what a considered and rational approach, I love it! or he could make a new one, it would involve less criminal damage charges as well!

Op who are you trying to kid! If you think your kids heard or saw nothing of what happened...you are sadly mistaken.

Your Dh went to drag Ds from the loft ladder....he shouted at you....Oh yeah they heard and saw nothing?????

maduggar me neither i do read a lot of posts on here so how could i not know who it is??oh how annoying!also agree with tablefor6 my childhood was sooo happy, but i remember one blazing row my parents had when i was about 3 or 4 and it stuck in my head always!so OP dont think your children dont know whats going on coz they really do!

Nervous,I don't know the back story to this but there obviously is one. This is aggressive behaviour. I appreciate he hasn't hit you like other ones did, so this probably feels better and more 'normal'but his actions are intimidating and violent -it's just there a bit different.

You said on the first page, that for a while you were scared of him and scared he was going to hurt your son. You felt sick, nervous and then said he's going to be on the beer soon - your voice sounded resigned. It's really worth listening to those reactions of yours to his behaviour. I know I am.

I know it's easy to minimise and later think that you're overreacting once it feels under control again and I get this hasn't happened before, if I've read you right. Look, I'm not asking you to stop loving him as that's how you feel. I know we feel what we feel for people,even though it doesn't always make sense to those outside.

See, I don't think you would've posted, if a little panicky warning bell hadn't been going off somewhere in your head.I just think it's worth listening to it rather than dismissing it.

I agree dittany, sorry for the grin, your advice is normally spot on and I am a little tipsy tonight and was surprised by your post

Really feeling for the Ds

Imagine seeing something he has made destroyed in front of him.....

There toys stuffed in a loft & thrown in a bin

THEIR treasured things, the things that give them a sense of belonging..

Just cruel....he is a bully full stop

OP has asked not to be outed, so please could people who suspect they know who it is just keep it to themselves - she has also deregistered.

Thanks.

Awesome, thanks flight. I don't think anyone did out, she did a damn fine job of doing it herself though!

oh right - deregistered again

MNHQ can we plase have a hide the poster option

Look I am just passing this stuff on. I tend to have no opinion on whether she post here for support or not.

I would however suggest that if you dislike her thread you don't bother to reply on it. She's not a troll and she doesn't post in order to wind people up afaik - she just needs support I think, and whether she is able/willing to accept it or not is really out of our control.

There is no compulsion to respond, so just ignore if you object to the posting MO or whatever.

There is no need to start demanding a 'hide poster' option on her thread - you should probably start another about that in Site Stuff, it would be far less rude.

Surely "outing" is when someone is revealed as being "Sarah Bloggs from Toxteth in Liverpool, whose kids go to SuchandSuch School and her DH works at X."
So I think NervousandScared is safe. In that regard at least.

Even if she is in denial though, she's one tiny step further along the road towards maybe doing something about her life. Because every time she posts another episode under a new name, she's gettin similar feedback, I presume. One day the penny might drop, but I totally understand she's not ready for action at the moment.

I think she doesn't want those who have not made the connection to know this is her, because she feels really embarrassed at the reaction she has provoked.

What we need to understand is that however much we shout at them or explain or whatever, some people find certain things hard to grasp, perhaps miss the bigger picture for looking at the trees,

it isn't deliberate, it just doesn't go in.(whatever it is people are trying to get across)
Patience can be a difficult thing to sustain but there's one thing I'm fairly sure of (though not ever having met OP) and that is that she isn't making stuff up in order to get a reaction, not trying to piss anyone off, and is genuinely in quite a bad situation at present. But I do believe she has fairly sound judgment on the safety aspects of it and I don't believe she or her kids are in danger tonight.

I hope this helps.

Flight, I'm sure you realise, the people who are getting agitated here are the ones who are most often very supportive to posters in trouble. It's their frustration and worry talking, as the OP described a very nasty incident but then retracted it disturbingly quickly. I guess if you know her IRL you're keeping an eye on things; that at least is somewhat reassuring.

Yes, sure - I can see why they are concerned and fwiw I think their posts are excellent.

I don't know her IRL but only through email - however I will be staying in touch.

LITR she didn't ask me to pass it on. I did so thinking it might be useful but perhaps it wasn't.
I have no intention of starting posts about her situation or on her behalf, but I wanted to reassure people that I was in touch with her and she was not totally unsupported if she stopped posting here.