I don't know what the hell to do

[NervousAndScared]

DH just lost it. Everything in ds1's room is either in the bin or in the loft. DS1 was in trouble for annoying ds2 so ds1 threatened to jump out of his window. DH put him in the little loo to calm down and he just flooded the floor and put soft on the wall. I was trying to get DH to calm down and not throw perfectly good toys away and he said he had had enough of us not having any money when they have £1000s of pounds of toys, and he is selling them.

I told him I was torn between giving him a cuddle as I love him so much and going as far away from him as possible as I was scared of him. He raised his eyebrows so I walked away. I tried to cuddle him later but it was a half hearted arm on my back. I told him I had enough children so did he want to talk to me or me to leave him alone. He is alone.

DH said he was fed up of everyone and I am sure he means me too that I lost it a bit.

I am seriously questioning my marriage now. It can't be good to be scared of your husband.

The children were not there when I wanted to cuddle him. Which I didn't do.

I leave you with this from Womens Aid:-

Women living with and leaving violent men say that they want the violence to stop and are often actively engaged in trying to protect themselves and their children from it. They may also try a number of ways to cope with or get the violence to stop, including changing their own behaviour eg. avoiding certain situations or appeasing the abuser by complying with his demands.

Note the appeasement here; this is precisely what you did re your H today.

"There is no excuse for what he has done. He snapped after a really tough week at work and finding home life stressful. I have told him he has to deal with it".

Again you contradict yourself here. You say there is no excuse for what he has done (damn tooting there is not!) but then go onto write that he snapped after a really tough week at work and finding home life stressful. That's an excuse and a poor one at that.

My DH has had a tough week at work and has got home very late but he has not acted like this. He has not committed such acts of violence towards inanimate objects; your H made a choice here. Its an excuse, you've just made excuses for him by writing that.

You are not responsible for him, you are not there to appease this man when he loses it. That is not your role. Your role as you well know is to protect both you and the children who likely heard and saw more than you also care to admit.

I dont think you are a completly downtrodden woman YET

I do think you need to open your eyes that YOU and your CHILDREN are not the problem here

HE makes you think you are

You are strong and do the very best for your children and I really think it would be good for you to be on your own with the children

Maybe a trial separation?

Has he apologised to the children too, Nervous, or just to you?

Premium - You have no idea the life I have led and believe me no man will ever make me downtrodden. I am well aware of what has gone on here and it will not be swept under the carpet.

Lady - thank you for your comment. Great that your husband has coped better.

I am surprised really that people post relationship issues as people are always so quick to say leave, your kids are at risk, you are denial, we are right and you should leave.

How dare you? No one will ever touch my children or hurt them in any way. I live for my children and love them more than anything or anyone in the world. No question.

My husband snapped and broke some toys and put others in the loft. He did not shout at the children or me, he did not hit anyone. He has calmed down and apoplogised and he knows he is gone if anything like this happens again.

I am not going to break up my children's home because strangers think my husband is violent. He lost his temper, it happens.

Don't bother posting anymore about how naive, etc I am as I won't be here to read it, I will be with my children.

I appreciate you are all trying to help, maybe, but believe me if things were as bad as you are determined to make them seem you would be pushing me towards my husband even more.

off you go then.

Poor children

I do have an idea about your life as you post several times a day

I hope things improve for your children

nervous

As I see it your eldest son played up today big time and your H completely overreacted as a result of such behaviour. You did not personally break his toys; you had self control. Why exactly did he do as he did?. Did the red mist descend?. Your children saw and heard an awful lot today from both of you.

How would you describe your H's behaviour today?. Violence comes in many forms; its not just physical.

By NervousAndScared Sun 27-Jun-10 16:18:00
Yes. Never been scared of dh before, only that he might leave me.

He has calmed down and apoplogised and he knows he is gone if anything like this happens again.

Which one is it spine less or strong woman??

If it goes like before the thread will be deleted or ignored

Then lots of posts about how wonderful her DH is and presents and diamonds etc

Really wish I could hide posters sometimes

This makes me so sad and it feels like I am involved in some way and should be doing more to help the poor kids

Why the regular poster clues and the namechange?

Should we recognise the OP from previous threads then? This is a name-change, so how do you know?

does he do this kind of thing with his friends or in work???? no....and thats because he has some self control.

alot in your posts rings bells....the way you fear he'll leave,the way you predict he'll hit the beer....and no,he didnt just 'lose his temper' because a good while later,when he should have calmed down,what did he do? he threw the dc dinner on the floor.....now,why did he do that???

I am getting really fucking bored of needy posters, is MN sure we can't do a hide poster option? I know I don't contribute much and name change all the time but FFS at this rate I will be reading the threads highlighted on the round-up email and that is all!

i felt bit sorry for the OP but now after reading some comments-its made me doubt it!how can u tell its a namechange thingy?
If its genuine I hope he doesnt lose it again-this time break the children

Why feel sorry though? Namechange and then within the first few posts put the amount of DC's, ages and rough email address!

Clues......?
Or is it inappropriate to ask?

hmm i think im being a bit thick!I dont get it! but anyway I think why ask for advice and then say you dont wanna hear it?she should take the anger out on DH not fellow lovely MNetters!! (Suckup much??) hehe

Exactly LITR, the advice on the thread is clearly unwanted so I genuinely have no idea why the post was made! Attention seeking behaviour, like a few other posters I'd like to get rid of too!

OP you said in your first post you were scared of your DH.

You said later on you thought he would hurt your DC.

Two hours after your original post you tell us that he's thrown the kids dinner all over the floor.

You then said he wasn't violent and didn't shout.

I'm confused

Why post if you don't want to hear it? Seems pointless.

OP sadly never wants to hear anything