Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Constantly being pressured about sex

80 replies

SantaCruise · 23/06/2010 13:34

DH has a very high sex drive (mine is non existant but I do try) and we normally have sex around every 2 days but I am being constantly pressured about it all day every day. If we don't have sex EVERY night he goes off in a mood saying there is "obviously" something bothering me etc and I feel under constant pressure to have sex. Some nights he goes on and on and won't let me go to sleep until I agree. He pesters me, keeps groping me, keeps trying to turn me around to face him etc and this can go on for hours. He's even woken me up in the middle of the night doing it before. Last night was actually quite upsetting because I told him I just wanted to go to sleep and he wouldn't let and was literally on top of me pulling my legs apart etc and he was being quite rough. He never actually penetrated me but he did force his head in between my legs etc. He blamed it on the drink this morning but he'd only had about 2.
I dread every night because I know its going to turn into a constant battle for sex. It causes friction and tension because I feel like if I say no, I'M the one starting the argument. Its got to the point where I actually look forward to being on my period, its such a relief when it comes on because I know I have a few days "break" from it all but even then sometimes he'll start.
I honestly feel like a dog on heat that has been trapped with a stud dog.
He says he "can't help it" but it is driving me insane. I just want to be left alone for a while. I mean, I know I have a shit sex drive and always have (even with previous partners) but what is a "reasonable" gap in between sex?

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 23/06/2010 13:35

"He says he "can't help it"

Oh yes he can! Twat.

A reasonable gap is whatever you both feel is reasonable. Not just him.

MathsMadMummy · 23/06/2010 13:38

that sounds a bit... worrying, TBH. actually getting on top of you when you didn't want him to.

can you sit down in the daytime (i.e. when he's normally not groping you) and talk about it? so his urges aren't getting in the way, so to speak?

Wonderstuff · 23/06/2010 13:39

He is being a twat, gosh dh and I have gone months before now - not that that is a good thing but he is not respecting you and has turned sex into something you are dreading. Its not healthy and he is being very unreasonable.

Prolesworth · 23/06/2010 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CwtchyBlueMama · 23/06/2010 13:44

He is being a twat & is not respecting you or your body.

I am sure there will be wiser mners on here soon so what i suggest to you is show him this thread & let him read how disgusting his behaviour is to you.

I am angry for you.

SantaCruise · 23/06/2010 13:45

He makes me feel like I'm the one that's being unreasonable.

OP posts:
feedmenow · 23/06/2010 13:47

His behaviour will lower your sex drive even more!

I really wouldn't put up with this and would very clearly tell him to sod off.

Prolesworth · 23/06/2010 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CwtchyBlueMama · 23/06/2010 13:48

Absolutely not! He is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home & its not far of practically raping you,he knows you have said NO & yet still carries on??

He is an unreasonable twat & i would suggest to him he takes himself off for a wank,preferably off a cliff!

DONTtouchMUMMYSpecialJUICE · 23/06/2010 13:51

next time he forces himself on top.. regardless of the fact he never penetrated... try kneeing him in the goolies and see if he gets the hint.

every 2nd day is still ALOT, he should be grateful he gets that much.

i am very for you putting up with this harassment

OrmRenewed · 23/06/2010 13:52

Tell him that marital rape has been a crime for many years now.

onlyjoking9329 · 23/06/2010 13:57

This is abuse, is he a control freak in other ways too?

thatsnotmyfruitshoot · 23/06/2010 14:00

What a vile bully. You don't have to put up with this, you know.

SantaCruise · 23/06/2010 14:08

Yes he is a complete control freak. He keeps telling me that the people on my college course are losers and that I shouldn't associate myself with them (this was in response to me mentioning a night out they had planned). I'm not "allowed" to speak to one guy at all. He's starting to try and control the nights I go to the gym, then tried to get me to change gyms completely as he didn't like one of the blokes that went.

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 23/06/2010 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JimmyTarbuck · 23/06/2010 14:13

My DH has a higher sex drive than me but he would NEVER treat me in this way. I am shocked actually by what you have written.

AnyFucker · 23/06/2010 14:15

He is sexually abusing you

Please take steps to finish your relationship

"Forcing your legs apart ??"

Point him in the direction of an article about marital rape and tell him next time he does that you will call the police and you will be believed

I think you should call Women's Aid and get some RL support. I think you should visit your GP and get his attacks on you recorded. Does he leave marks ? You should have got them documented/photographed

You are not a blow-up doll, you are a human and have the right to say no

He doesn't want sex...he wants to control you. He sees you as an object...not a person

I want to punch him right in the fucking teeth. I can arrange that for you, if you like (am only half-joking )

Malificence · 23/06/2010 14:16

Having a high sex drive doesn't mean he gets to use your body to masturbate with every time he feels like it.

He sounds vile and it's not normal behaviour at all, just incredibly selfish.
He can help it, he could sort himself out for one thing.

AnyFucker · 23/06/2010 14:17

If you stay with this man, you are an utter fool (have read your other threads too)

bleedingheart · 23/06/2010 14:23

I'm so shocked by this post, I think you're underestimating how completely out of order this is! You're never going to want sex willingly with someone who bullies and controls you.

He does not own your body.

I would really be considering exiting this relationship. Is there anyway he would agree to counselling so someone else can explain to him that this is attempted rape?!

AnyFucker · 23/06/2010 14:27

It shouldn't need a counsellor to tell him that he is out of order

he is a prick of the highest order and only getting the fuck away from him will be a strong enough message from someone with such a sense of entitlement

< quietly simmers >

Acanthus · 23/06/2010 14:33

Every two days is plenty, I'm surprised you want this much given how he treats you.

He is way out of order.

He can masturbate and leave you alone.

I wouldn't still be with him if this is his regular behaviour, tbh.

LeQueen · 23/06/2010 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gigantaur · 23/06/2010 14:38

Please understand that this has nothing to do with libido or a lack of it.
He is a controlling bully and what you are describing is sexual abuse.

His comments about your friends and social activities are stereotype emotional abuse and domination.

what you are describing is domestic abuse.

Please, take steps to improve your life rather than trying to improve your sexual apetite. no matter how often you agree to sleep with this man he will want more. as someone has said, it is not about love lust or sex, it is about power and control.

Missus84 · 23/06/2010 14:44

If he wasn't your husband his behaviour would be sexual assualt or attempted rape. It's not normal or reasonable behaviour at all!

Swipe left for the next trending thread