Think I might be pregnant and DP and I are on the verge of splitting up.

[bouncy]

DP moved in several months ago, at first it all seemed to be going well, but lately he has become all jealous over little things.

It all started when we went for a night out with friends, I bumped into an old schoolfriend (male) we never went out or anything, but really had a good laugh at school and I spend about 15 minutes chatting to him, which dp seemed happy chatting to the other group, when we got home he walked straight upstairs got the pillow and duvet and went to sleep on the settee, he completely ignored me for 2 days until I finally got out of him what was the problem. I told him he was being silly, but he still had a cob on for a few days.

The last month has been awful, to make matters worse my best friend has come back from travelling and I have not seen her for 18 months and we have a lot of catching up to do, so I have been going out more. Dp moaned about being left to look after MY son, so I asked mum to look after ds while I went out, this was of course wrong. Anyway later on DP walked into the pub and proceeded to sit down and ruin our night, he took the mickey and belittled me in front of my friend, who is now questioning why I am with him.

To make matters worse, I am 3 days late, and I am never late.

Is DP the father of DS? Also, how long have you been with DP? It's hard to tell from what you've wrote if this is just a little bump in the road or if this is a big problem.

bouncy sorry to hear about all this,has he always been this jealous?he seems a bit insecure,my dh used to behave like that when we went to spain and i used to talk to all my friends,he was convinced that every male friend had been an ex boyfriend he slowly learn to accept it as i made it very clear how important my friends are to me,dont give in to him ive seen lots of women giving up their friends because of a jealous partner,he just needs lots of reassuring that is him you want to be with,if you`re pregnant are you happy about it?

Bouncy

3 days is nothing, might be completely innocent, but buy a test thing and find out, they are supposed to work even after a few days.

Then tell your 'darling partner' to stop being an a*se. Has he shown signs of jealousy before? Don't stand for it. Next to violence it is one of the worst things a bloke can do (stand back for outraged responses) cos it undermines your individuality, and eventually your confidence. My dad did it to my mum all their lives, horrid to watch.

I am also upset that he referred to YOUR son. If he is living with you, then you and yours should be regarded as his family. I would never call my stepchildren "Yours" to my dh, I took him on knowing they were part of the deal. How often does your dp go out on his own, presumably never worrying about needing a babysitter.

Try to talk (or argue) this out. It sounds like either:-

a) he totally misunderstands the situation with your old schoolfriend, and needs reassurance, or
b) he is looking for a way out, and has just found his lever or
c) He is very stressed right now and is acting irrationally to you because of it.

Whichever way, you'll only get to the bottom of it by discussion. He will probably try to make a row out of it (men in the wrong usually do) but try to stay calm yourself, and tell him what you want to say, not what comes out in the heat of the moment.

Good luck, and keep in touch

No DP is not the father of DS.

We have been together about 9 months now and he has lived with me for several months.

He seems to have his moments being jealous, I do not know why, I have never given him cause to.

I have told him I think I am pregnant, and he has gone the other way and is being more attentive. He seems so excited he has gone to buy a test.

I am so confused because if it wasn't for this I think I would be asking him to move out.

bouncy, perhaps now that dp's behaviour towards you has changed for the better, you could take the opportunity to talk to him about his jealousy before? If he is a very insecure person it may take a lot of reassurance to help him get over his feelings - not saying the way he has behaved is right, because it isn't! Sorry you're feeling so confused, and good luck with sorting things out x

i agree with spacemonkey that you should talk to him now if possible before you even do the test,just to know where you stand
good luck x

Hi Bouncy, I agree with easy. Happy, secure, sorted men just don't behave like this IME and the things you say are ringing warning bells with me, both about the jealousy and your ds. I agree, if he moves in with you then the 2 of you are a package. Please don't think this is your fault though, it doesn't sound to me as if it is, it sounds as if he has the problem. I think you need to tackle the 2 things separately: his behaviour and the possible pregnancy issue. The first needs to be sorted before you can properly contemplate the second. Good luck.

my dh used to be really jealous when we first met but hes fine now. IMO it shows immaturity.

Did you do the test bouncy?

I'm sorry you are having a bad time at the moment. Agree that from what you have said the problem lies in his insecurity NOT you. Everyone has given such good advice I have nothing new to add, just support. Having said that , if you are pg, do you think dp would become more possessive once you have a child together, or would it make him more secure in himself?

I'm lucky in that dh isn't like this. In fact getting any sort of response from him can be hard, lol. I went out with Spacemonkey and had a few men try and chat me up (obviously rebuffed), and when I told dh he just laughed and carried on whatever he was doing. It must be very hard having to analyse your actions all the time. Very best wishes.

I would be worried that he would think that if you had the baby he would be able to sort of control you more - not being able to go out and being tied to him. I know it sounds silly but my ex was like that, he was a looney though!!

My DP does get jealous but he says things like 'it makes me feel really good that when we walk in somewhere everyone looks at you' (sure they don't and sure it is not because I am just soooo stunningly attractive (NOT!!). When I quizzed himabout this he saisd that he had had a relationship finish because he was jealous and he had learnt to feel good about the fact that people wanted to speak to me or be seen with me (THEY DO NOT THOUGH!!) rather than feeling bad and jealous about it.

I do hope that this makes sense, I would be inclined to talk to him about it and about the not speaking for 3 days, if you are pregnant that is the last thing you need to go through and I think he seriuosly needs to grow up in terms of verbalising what is wrong rather than trying to punish you (Coming from the worlds worst sulker here!!). My DP just says things like if you do not tell me what is wrong and talk about it we are never going to resolve this and I will not know if I have done something wrong and be able to rectify it or explain my behaviiour to you (he is so grown up!!)

Either way I hope that things get better. xx

Bouncy - what a predicament! Do you love him? Do you think you could be happy together if his petty jealousy and childish huffs stopped?

If you are pregnant please please please don't stay with him if it is purely for the sake of the baby. You'll just be miserable..... but maybe this is a good thing if you are! He might grow up a bit and realise you both have a deeper committment to each other.

I hope it all works out okay. 3 days isn't really very late and perhaps the strain of the relationship is affecting your cycle?

Sorry to hear about your troubles bouncy. I can only agree with others that his jealousy is immaturity, and that maybe part of this is the way he moaned about looking after DS and the whole YOUR son thing.

Do you think that he would treat his child differently from DS if he is the jealous/unco-operative type?

Do a test so at least you know where you stand on the pregnancy front. Hopefully given your current situation it is stress making you late.

{{{}}}

Thanks for replying.

Yes I did the test and Yes I am pregnant.

We had a long chat last night, he is excited and over the moon, I am not as happy, although I would love another child.

I am deeply concerned about our relationship, as he is a very jealous guy (he was married before and ex-wife cheated on him), but it is even if a good looking bloke comes on the telly and he will make a comment like "are you looking at him".

I have told him that being pregnant will not guarantee a future with me, I told him that I was on the verge of ending it, but because I am pregnant he is on his last chance.

Do I love him, good one, not sure, I know that when he is 'normal' he is kind, loving and attentive.

Watch this space.

Well, congratulations Bouncy (even if you don't feel like them) - hope it all works out (())

Oh bouncy....a tentative congrats as you want another baby, though understandable in a better situation.

My DH's ex wife walked out on him on Valentines Day 5 months into their marriage. He then found out she had been doing some major sleeping around. Luckily he has never once been the jealous type, I think that the 18 months or so between that event and us getting together gave him alot of time to see it was her, and not women in general. It doesn't have to be like this, just because he got burnt. But I'm sure you realise this! Do you think you DP worked through it before getting together with you? Do you think Relate of something would help?

Its good you found the strength to tell him where you stand. I'll be thinking of you.

Congrats Bouncy....

My goodness, he is very insecure isn't he. I know that almost every thread on Mumsnet has someone suggesting counselling, but in your dp's case I really think it would be good. He needs to feel secure within himself after hiswife cheated.
Would he/you consider counselling if he knew it was his last chance to improve?

Well done for telling him straight! Does he know that his jealousy is the big issue? And if so, what does he say to defend his actions?

Dp or should I just say P, or AH as he is acting. He was so excited yesterday we went out for a few drinks with his best mate. I should add that I do not get on with his mate as he is very disrespectful to women and is a complete pig. Anyway when P arrived home, he said there was one thing stopping him from being excited, when I asked what that was, he asked if the baby was his. I could tell that he was tanked up, and therefore did whatever I could to avoid a row, as a lot of his problems are caused by his drinking and THAT mate. I have no doubt that his mate has put the idea in his head, but he should know that I am not capable of cheating, I am utterly gutted.

This morning P mentioned to DS that he was going to have a little brother or sister, despite me telling his that I didn't want him to know because a) I am still in the first month let alone 3 months and b) because kids do not have the ability to wait for anything, so of course after he left for work I was bombarded with questions. I am at work now and feel so low, I feel as though I have got myself into a situation that is now difficult to get out of. I feel I have made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

Oh Bouncy - i hope everything works out for the best for u.
I know it is easier said than done but i think u should sit down with d/p and have everything out in the open.
I too have a d/p that was very very jealous as soon as i spoke to a male friend and asked 101 questions every time we were apart for more than 10 minutes - he also made the situation 10 times worse once he had a drink in him. However, we sat down and had it all out - fair enough there were a few tears, alot of raised voices and several hours of name calling but everything is out in the open now - he understands where i am coming from , i understand where he was coming from (Vaguely) and now we both try extremely hard not to jump off at the deep end but to think about things before we cause a row.
All said and done we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and i am not trying to make excuses for d/p as i know exactly how u feel but some people just cannot help being of the jealous nature - but they can try to control it.

Oh, that was a bit long - keep us posted on how you are getting on.
x

OH MY GOD BOUNCY, WTF???

I'm so angry to hear the way P is acting!! I can't believe how calm you sound. Do you think that this is the moment to give P a time out? Even if his mate had tried to wind him up he still didn't have to fall for it.

Wow.

But seriously would it be an option to ask him to leave, even if it is temporary? He sounds hurtful and there's no reason you should be on the receiving end of his insecurities. Maybe asking him to leave will give him a chance to see what he is in the process of blowing.

{{{}}}

Its funny really, but I have been sitting here so far this morning and writing a list of pro's and con's. Slightly more pro's at the moment, but I think he needs a shock, I have decided that I am going to ask him to leave, have a break as suggested, and if he does decide to bugger off then, hey I have raised one child alone and I will do it again (if I have to). I know there are other options, but atm I just need to get past this thing. What is it about me. do I suddenly completely change when I become pregnant and repel men.
I might sound calm, but believe me I am slowing simmering inside. Got a text earlier from P, he is working half day today and meeting me for lunch. I can tell him this afternoon he is packing his bags.

The way I figure if a guy is going to bugger off because of a baby then he will do so what ever you do.

If he is serious then asking him for time apart will hopefully show him that the situation is unacceptable. If he wants to stay and make it work then thats what he will aim for.

But thats just my opinion, do what feels best for you and your DS and who ever else needs to be loved and nutured.

However you decide to 'handle' him, I think he really needs to realise that he can't act the way he has been.

Best of luck xxxx

I think that's a great idea Bouncy - it may be just what u both need - and it may be exactly what he needs to realised how my off an arse he is being and stop it.

Good luck with everything!
Keep us posted.

Bouncy MY GOD!! What a SH*T he is being to you. He really needs a wake up call. Counselling is definitely what he needs, but first of all he needs to get a grip. Chuck him out for a few days, then if he comee crawling back to you make the counselling a condition of his return.

You don't need this just now, how selfish can the man get!? Is this 'friend' of his married or have children or is he perhaps jealous that his mate is settling down? Either way, he's an arse.

When are you going to give him the good news that he's leaving for while? I hope it all goes well..... {{{{}}}}}

We had our chat and I told him to leave, he started to get angry, then sad. I told him I need some space to think things through once and for all. Hopefully he will be gone. I have invited him round for Sunday lunch when we can talk more.

M2T, No his mate is not married or has kids, he has not been blessed by mother nature, and has been single for 7 years (he's 29). That is his problem in a nutshell, he actually told him in front of me why should he support another mans child.