Think I might be pregnant and DP and I are on the verge of splitting up.

[bouncy]

DP moved in several months ago, at first it all seemed to be going well, but lately he has become all jealous over little things.

It all started when we went for a night out with friends, I bumped into an old schoolfriend (male) we never went out or anything, but really had a good laugh at school and I spend about 15 minutes chatting to him, which dp seemed happy chatting to the other group, when we got home he walked straight upstairs got the pillow and duvet and went to sleep on the settee, he completely ignored me for 2 days until I finally got out of him what was the problem. I told him he was being silly, but he still had a cob on for a few days.

The last month has been awful, to make matters worse my best friend has come back from travelling and I have not seen her for 18 months and we have a lot of catching up to do, so I have been going out more. Dp moaned about being left to look after MY son, so I asked mum to look after ds while I went out, this was of course wrong. Anyway later on DP walked into the pub and proceeded to sit down and ruin our night, he took the mickey and belittled me in front of my friend, who is now questioning why I am with him.

To make matters worse, I am 3 days late, and I am never late.

Bouncy it is up to you to do whatever you feel you should do, we will all, even if some do not agree with your choice, be here to listen to it all.

That is the best thing that I have got from mumsnet.

Things are gonna be tough either way and if you do have this baby it means he is probably going to be in your life for a long time to come (I am just pointing this out, I will not give a view on something which I believe to be as sensitive as abortion), will you be able to cope with that??

Where do you live?? Do you need someone to come and see you - in terms of a shoulder to cry on or something - it hurts the most being at the other end of a PC and not being able to reach out to someone.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((U))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks you

It is just one of the options.

I have since heard through a friend that introduced us that the reason his ex-wife cheated was because he behave like a pig and it slowly chipped away at her confidence that when someone gave her some attention she fell for it. He has left 4 messages on the answerphone, 3 polite and one threatening (drunk again I guess) 19 text messages, and knocked the door 4 times (I had a neighbour change the barrell so he can not get in).

I just want to be left alone so I can think clearly.

My friend is coming down to see me and will stay for a while, she should be here in about an hour so if I am not online thats why. Thanks for all you messages, everyone means so much to me

have a great weekend with your mate - what a good friend. Hope everything seems much better once you've talked it through with her.

Think I am going mad, friend has gone to get some more supplies ie booze for this afternoon and tonight. Good having someone to talk to although ex-partner has been leaving quite nasty messages on phone and mobile (I wish I could unplug but when ds is away I don't want to).
I usually get 3 nasty messages followed by a sweet one saying sorry etc etc.

Thanks for your messages re abortion, I seem to be heading in that way at the moment.

Bouncy

Can you hear the calls coming thru ? If so, when it's him you could pick up and put down, cutting him off straight away. Do it a few times and he'll get fed-up

Bouncy ... I am so sad for you that you are having such an awful time. Everyone is giving you such good advice so keep talking .... we are here for you.
I think what BEENTHERE has said is so right ... try and look at all the scenarios and don't beat yourself up about what decisions you might have to make ... you have to put yourself and your DS first here ...
Thinking of you .... cyber hugs winging their way across the world from NZ .... {{{{{}}}}}

Bit weird weekend really.

I came on at the weekend, I was very heavy, well heavier then normal. Wonder if that was down to the stress etc etc.

Was the pregnancy tests wrong, I took 2 and they were both positive.

Ex P has been quite quiet, I am so revieved, that I am not pg so I can get him out of my life.

Bouncy, if you came on heavier than usual and 2 tests said you were pregnant then it would seem you have miscarried.

Stay strong, rest, look after yourself and I hope that you can now start living for yourself and DS.

{{{HUGE HUGS{}}}}

don't think the tests were worng but maybe an early m/c???

I am pleased that thing have worked out this way for you (if you are?) and that you didn't have to go through a termination, the guilt can be v harrowing.

And, if anything good has come out of this experience at least you now know exactly what he is like and friends and family have felt able to tell you things ( such as him not being as nice you your ds when you are not around) that they otherwise might have felt they couldn't.

I would pop to the Docs if I were you and speak to him about the pg situation.

Goodluck!

Oh dear, I kind of got it into my head that the tests were wrong.

I spend the whole weekend deciding that an abortion would be the best thing. However saying that I knew that I couldn't go through it and decided to keep it. Now I am feeling sick and guilty, did it sense that I didn't really want it, I know it sounds silly, but thats how I am feeling at the moment. Luckily I took the day off. i am a little shocked as just assumed the tests were wrong.

NO, it didn't sense it, please believe me. I guess it just wasn't the right time or the right person and mother nature sometimes knows these things. I very much doubt the tests were wrong, but I would go to the docs and ask him, he may want to check or refer you to the hospital, the last thing you want is an infection if it was an early m/c.

Please don't feel bad bouncy.

Bouncy, the miscarriage I had was when I was 9 weeks pregnant and one month after my exDH had finally moved out.

I too could not have gone through with an abortion, and felt so guilty when I m/c because I knew that it was actually the best thing for me not to be having the baby.

In the end I figured that if there was some sort of soul, it was waiting to come back at the right time when I could give it everything it deserved. And I'm in no way a religious person, I don't really believe in souls and life after death but this was the only way I could 'rationalise' it to myself. If you think that in anyway the baby knew what you were thinking (which isn't likely!) then perhaps you can understand that it also knew that you would love it no matter what but that the timing wasn't right. Now 3 years on I'm having a baby with my second husband, who is in every way the most wonderful father to DD where as my ex hasn't been in any contact for a year. This baby is going to get all the love from TWO parents that has already been denied to DD by one of her bio parents. Its the right time. And from the sound of your ex, he doesn't know how to love unconditionally or with compassion.

So please don't feel bad about feeling bad, but let yourself grieve for the baby that may have been, even if it wasn't the right time for it and you now have an opportunity to put your life in order so that should you ever meet someone who deserves you then you can offer the baby a life you would be happy with.

Its not very likely the tests were wrong as the hormone they pick up is only present when you are pregnant. It was probably the stress, but you really can't beat yourself up about that.

Ok I'm gonna stop ranting, its bringing it all back and I'm getting teary!!!!!!

Pie, what a lovely sensitive post.

Bouncy, please don't feel guilty - you haven't done anything wrong and of course the baby didn't sense it, it's just one of those things. But now you can get on with your life, having removed this insecure, jealous and unreasonable man. Neither the miscarriage nor his behaviour are your fault and it sounds to me as if you are well rid of him.

Bouncy, please don't load yourself with this guilt - there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty and looking at this thread you have more than enough other things to worry about and get on with.

Good luck

Bouncy there is no way that anything you did, didn't do or felt could possible have caused a miscarriage. SO many pregnancies end in miscarriage at this very early stage, often before women even realise they are pregnant. But don't feel guilty about feeling relieved about it though - if you are. This might be a horrid experience, but at least you learnt what an arsehole exdp is, and can move on from it, and him. Good luck, and please please please don't blame yourself.

Very sorry to hear of this Bouncy. Hope you can put it behind you and start off afresh. You must be feeling all over the place right now, have you seen your GP?

Up-date.

I told P that I had come on and that I must have had an early mis-carriage, he was sad but okay about it at first. I told him I need some space and he then went away only to come back an hour or so later, telling me I didn't have a miscarriage I had an abortion. Its all a mess he has been vile and nasty and I have even called the police twice over the past few days.

Crikey, does this guy not know when to stop. Did you point out that there is not a medical note in this world that would back him up and that he is being mean, sadistic and paranoid???

Why did you have to call the police??

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this c*ap now.

oh bouncy,thats all you need!!couldnt you go and stay with someone for a few weeks?i dont think hell leave you alone,youre not even safe staying there,if you cant go have you got any male relatives or friends that could stay with you?

Dont speak to him again, you dont have to explain yourself to him-he's nothing to do with you anymore. Change your phone number so he cant ring you. If he keeps coming to the house ring the police and get one of those restraining order thingys. You are well rid of this creep.

Im sorry for you too

He has shown his true colours though bouncy and better now than later. Sorry this has had a horrible ending

This past week has been awful, He has shown up at my work several times a day, sits on a wall by my window, although he is not doing anything, it really unnerves me, its not private property so he is not breaking any rules. he seems to have turned into a physco overnight and I feel stupid that I did not notice earlier.
He has caught me in the street and told me I will not get away with murdering his child, he won't accept that it was a miss-carriage. I am seriously thinking about packing in my job and moving away to live with a friend and just start my life again, he seems unable to leave me alone. I changed phone number and unplugged the doorbell, but getting knocks on the door at all hours and TBH I have had enough. I think moving away will be my best option, it is not just me, he is putting my son through hell and he has to be the first thought.