if its so wrong then why does it feel so right?

[worldsworstwife]

i am a regular but because of the sensitive nature of this thread i have namechanged

me and dh got back together recently after i kicked him out for his addiction ,he begged for the sake of our 3 dc to try and make it work and to his credit he has been trying so hard to make things better - i just plain and simple dont love him - he knows this and thinks with time i will grow to love him again- i really dont hold out much hope.
in the time he was away me and my ex ( and first love the only other man i have ever been with besides dh ) started chatting and getting to know each other - been 14 yrs
we connect so well and we have met up 2 times so far - i know this is wrong and ive never considered doing this before but its him its always been him.
the problem is - he is married and she is 5 months pregnant with their first child and i think im falling in love with him and he has made it clear that he loves her - not as a husband should but like brother and sister and wouldnt leave her. i would think less of him if he did tbh
should i stop it now before i go deeper or listen to my heart?

Oh dear lord ,I think this is so sad for you- can you takev a breather from both of them? just take time for you?

Youre the only one getting hurt here.

not likely nick - the thing is i cant stop myself from checking my emails all day long and feel so sad when he hasnt replied-

ditto nickschick - you're not going to get any happiness out of this

I think ive been in a similar situation .....what you have to do is limit your contact- have 3 set times that you check your mails- you have to wean yourself off - eventually once the initial buzz fades things will settle and give you a good idea of whats going on realistically.

this wont end well, id give yourself some space. is it possible he is just looking like some knight in shining armour because of your current dire situation? id back off. now.

i know i told ex p that i fear that i will fall in love with him and it will all get very messey
i just feel so at ease with him - i can talk to him endlessly and we would never run out of thing to say, he is amazing , funny ,romantic ,sexy kind - dh on the other hand is noe of these- im only 30 - i cant imagine spending the rest of my days with the wrong guy

nickschick is right. You can stop yourself from checking all the time, etc. It may feel unfair etc but imagine how his wife would feel... I'm not whiter than white and have done many things that I am ashamed of in relationships so please, please believe me when I say that this is a one way ticket to misery - yours, most likely.

I think you may be more vulnerable than usual and this will leave you wide open to falling for someone who knows and understands you. Not easy to wean yourself off him, I imagine.

You CAN stop yourself checking your emails all day long. 'tis rather silly to say you can't.

You could end up making 3 or 4 adults very unhappy and cause a child to never know it's father.

I was in a similar position with my first love. It had always been him too. Told me he wouldn't leave his wife. Yet. All done by phone and computer. Had to walk away for good. I still love my husband very much and could not do it to my kids. Expat said something to me in a thread that really hurt but it hit home and I have never forgot it.

Take a break from both of them. it is the only way. I went cold turkey and ignored the text when my ex sent it last week.

i keep telling myself to stop checking but its so hard - we havent slept together - he wants to but i do have some if what small morals
he is all i can think about

Stop doing this. It's unfair. Have you no sense of decency? Of course you do.

Just don't take your husband back as there is no love there. Don't you love yourself enough to be on your own? Are you that insecure that you have to poach a lover from someone else? For shame for sure.

Thats why it feels so 'nice' dont you remember that loved up feeling you used to get?

The reality is that once you start having sex you too will be treated indifferently.

A decent bloke wouldntb treat his pregnant partner this way.

Tbh i dont care about him,about his pregnant partner etc etc Im thinking of you setting yourself up for heartbreak fgs theres more than 2 men in this world you know.

He has a pregnant wife. Frankly (and I await my flaming resignedly), the way you talk about him makes my skin crawl. You sound utterly self-absorbed.

Oh, and you're embarrassingly naive, too. He just sees you for the easy lay you're shaping up to be.

Do these comments make you rethink, or do you feel like rushing to defend your "true lurrrrve"?

If he's an ex, he's an ex for a reason, why did you split up?

If he's prepared to chase after someone else when his wife is pregnant, then he's not really a very nice person is he?

And he loves her "like a sister" - well, maybe it's that my DB and I aren't very close, but I've never considered shagging him. He doesn't consider her a sister if he's having sex with her, and if he wasn't, then she wouldn't be pregnant, would she?

It's his first child, he's panicking about the fact he has to grow up, so chasing after the woman who reminds him of being young and carefree. You are a nice little fantasy to help him escape from it all, he's made it clear he won't leave his wife so he gets to fuck you and not feel bad about dumping you after you've propped up his ego as you knew what you were getting yourself into.

If you want to leave your DH, just get on with it, but this man isn't an alternative, he's a distraction from dealing with your marriage.

celtic - if i didnt care then i wouldnt be putting it down in writing - havent told a soul in real life.

So 5-6 months ago he was shagging her as his lover but now she is his sister? He either shagged her even though he didn't love her as a husband or is spinning you a line.

Wellies I think if your stuck in a bad relationship its a very easy trap to fall into.....shes not done this deliberately and she is having a hard time- cut her some slack .

you are attracted to him because your relationship with DH is not going well. This relationship with the ex is a symptom that things are not right.

Sort everything out properly.

His DP is 5m pg, that's more than enough reason for you to turn your back on him and walk away, if he's playing away on her, he'll do it to you.

He's like a Dog, sniffing around a vulnerable female.. if he can have a bit of what he ought not to, it's a bigger turn on.

Don't be a mug, don't let yourself get used for a quick roll in the hay for 'old times sake' he's just looking for a f&*k, plain and simple.

Men do do this to recently split/dumped or troubled women. Don't be another statistic, he's lying to you to get his leg over.

i realise that many of you are speaking from experience of being hurt - i get that i do - its all very hard,my dh has treated me so badly and i have no repect for him at all - im with him for the kids sake and part of me wants to hurt him like he hurt me
me and exp broke up when we were young - i was ready to grow up - marriage and kids and he wasnt - we wanted different things and went our separate ways -i do think that one day we will be together maybe when we are old and grey?!

So shag a free man then.

You can't live your life waiting for someone elses husband.

Divorce your husband and have some time alone.

If you were to end in blissful happiness with this man you will have to see his wife and baby knowing you broke their hearts.

Totally agree with FakePlasticTrees

Well said AwesomeWellies

Vile behaviour on the part of the OP

I think that perhaps you are clinging to a romantic dream because you are in a very lonely place right now. It doesn't really sound like your first love has really grown up enough, tbh.

I'm not trying to be harsh. I just think you're already hurting and this will hurt you so much more.

i knew you ladies would make me realise what im doing is totally wrong-im so wrong to want to find a little happiness-even if it hurts others - i always come last

Okay, you just need to remember one thing, and that is that however much you connect with him, he isn't the only bloke in the world that can make you happy.

There are loads of men that can do that, it's just finding them, or meeting them. To choose him is unfair on him, his wife and their baby - and I am saying this from the point of view of someone very attracted to a married bloke at the moment, but not even considering doing anything about it.

Why? Because no matter how well we get on, I have got on with other blokes like this in the past, and I will again, if I meet enough people. There's no justification for choosing this one, and he is promised to someone else. Sure if one day he contacts you again and says he is single, then by all means.

The main problem is isolation, loneliness and you sound so sad, so upset. Being with your DH is stopping you from meeting other people you might hit it off with, perhaps.

And you have a responsibility really to sort out your marriage, one way or the other, before you involve someone else.

Good luck, it must be bringing up some very painful feelings for you x