if its so wrong then why does it feel so right?

[worldsworstwife]

i am a regular but because of the sensitive nature of this thread i have namechanged

me and dh got back together recently after i kicked him out for his addiction ,he begged for the sake of our 3 dc to try and make it work and to his credit he has been trying so hard to make things better - i just plain and simple dont love him - he knows this and thinks with time i will grow to love him again- i really dont hold out much hope.
in the time he was away me and my ex ( and first love the only other man i have ever been with besides dh ) started chatting and getting to know each other - been 14 yrs
we connect so well and we have met up 2 times so far - i know this is wrong and ive never considered doing this before but its him its always been him.
the problem is - he is married and she is 5 months pregnant with their first child and i think im falling in love with him and he has made it clear that he loves her - not as a husband should but like brother and sister and wouldnt leave her. i would think less of him if he did tbh
should i stop it now before i go deeper or listen to my heart?

I think it is entirely reasonable that the OP feels confused and doesn't know what to do. I don't think her situation sounds simple at all, even if the 'answers' may be obvious to others.

OP, could you possibly get any help, from a counsellor for example? It sounds like you have been to hell and back and could seriously use some real-world support to help you get through it. And please take care of yourself as best you can - you'll need all your strength for this one ..

Are you the woman whose DH was picked up by some MH unit for wanting to walk under a train, then they released him as he was actually fine?

God, I remember that one. I hope you are someone different but if not, we helped you last time and we will again.

Forgive me if I am mixing you up with someone else, there was also a housing issue I think and he had to come back and live with her, despite her not wanting him to.

yes your right flight i am sadly

Oh, bugger .

That changes things a bit.

I can see why you will have needed a lot of support while you were going through the shite your H has laid on you.

It's natural to have turned to someone you've known a long time when something that bad is happening...it's just a shame he is unavailable. It was a bit of an out of the frying pan, into the fire situation.

I'm really glad you have finished it with him, but still wondering where you are now going to get the support you need.

I think your marriage is clearly not going to work out, probably because you have lost all your respect for this bloke - and who would be surprised at that? You haven't failed, and once you have finished the relationship properly, you will be so much in a better place.

That's providing you do want to finish it? Frankly I am amazed you have even given it another try with his history of abuse and manipulation...I am really sorry you are still stuck.

Well spotted Flight.

WWW why not start another thread for support with leaving your H?

A fresh start thread if you will.

im just not ready yet - to give up ,i see it will happen but when i dont know

The timing is important. Took me years to leave my abusive ex.

I hope for you it is sooner rather than later. Remember to get RL support. Womens Aid is good. As is AlAnon.

WWW...what has to happen for you to be ready to give up ?

Your husband has another crisis ?

A Knight In Shining Armour comes and takes you away from all this ?

Can you make any active decisions instead of waiting for something to happen ? Your self-esteem wll thank you for it, very much indeed. I feel that you are very, very unhappy and it seems like there is is only you who can put that right, tbh

"i was weak and put my kids before myself- any mother would"

Stop using your kids as an excuse. YOU are very purposefully making them live in an unhappy home with a parent who is unfit. I don't believe that is putting them first.

Can I just say that your marriage could be fine but another man could come in and do this. My marriage was solid until my ex came back in to my life. No other man could have come back and had any kind of effect on me but it was because of who it was. It had only ever been him even when I was with other guys.

OP - I remember your story and I remember the comments as it all seemed to be happening a lot quicker than you would expect and people suggested he had a friend ring you and pretend to be a doctor.

MN got you through that and we will help you now.

Take care.