He bloody brought the OW to our home.

[pleasereassure]

Following on from this thread

I took legal advice. The solicitor said that all that mattered were the emotional and physical needs of the children. H arranged to have DC for the day today. I'd had a really good phone call with him and explained what the solicitor had told me. He agreed and the phone call was positive.

He telephoned this morning at 8am and asked if all was ok to collect DC at 10am. Said it was. I called him back two mins later to check that he would be on his own. He confirmed yes. Again, I explained that, due to him leaving just six weeks ago it was too soon to introduce new partner to DC life. He agreed.

He came to collect. Again, I checked that he was going alone. He said he was.

Fast forward to 5.30pm. Dc arrive at the door saying "Mum, Melanie's in the car". I went out the the car and there she was. I asked her if she had been with my husband all day. She said Yes. I told my H I would see him in court. He wheel-span, like a 17 year old and yelled "Now you have a nice day..." out of the window as he sped away.

It helps having seen her as I was imagining a Pocohontas type beauty, which she isn't. And that helps! I am seething again. I know that he is entitled to have his own space but this is the FIRST time in two weeks, and only the third time in 5.5 weeks since he left, that he has seen DC. WHY does he need to share that time with his latest shag.

I feel bullied and lost. Off to put DC to bed. Back in a mo.

He shouldn't have told you she wasn't going to be there when she was.

But presumably they are now in a relationship together, she will be in your DC's lives. If you were not going to bother with court before there is no pointing in doing it now because of this. It is actually quite a small thing in the grand scheme.

Secunda, they've been seeing each other for three weeks. DC are still coming to terms with H leaving. They are only 7 and 5.

It's too early to involve the children. He can see this OW all he likes, but WHY bring her to access visits.

Yes, I said he shouldn't have done it. But there's no point making divorce proceedings less amicable because of it. I do sympathise, I'm not very good at the hugs stuff, but practically speaking there is no point going all through court just because of this one thing.

Because he's a wanker, to put it bluntly. Only a total arsehole thinks so little of their children's emotional wellbeing that they would introduce their current shag a matter of weeks after a break up. Utterly conteptable. He has proved himself to be a lying shit bag. And the new 'partner' sounds delightful going along with it. It also sounds like he wants to punish you. Total and utter knob.

Can't he see them for an afternoon in your house?
Or is this a totallystupid idea? Then you do have a say concerning who is allowed in?
You do need to drumit in that his visits withthechildren shouldbe just that- visits with the children, not a day out with his ow and dc. They have had enough upheaval- surely he realises this?
Or mention you are going round to 'Paul's' with the dc on Friday- see how he likes it?
Seriously, I know nothing apart from you should perhaps get more legal advice concerning access....

Good luck to you! X

And I shouldclean my iPod....sticky.....space bar not working.
Nothing to do with my typingofcourse....ahem ...

Can he maybe not handle looking after his children on his own and needs another pair of hands? Not an excuse, but is he any good with the children on his own?

I agree bringing another person into the equation isn't a good idea so early on, and tbh he doesn't even know that the relationship will last, why introduce another person to the children who could be out of their lives in the near future?

If it's any consolation, I bet he was in a right mood after that, and he and OW ended up having a row.

I know it is easy for me to say but you sound well rid of this immature, self centred, point scoring arsehole.

Thanks for your replies. I do actually feel rather calm.

It really did help seeing her as I can stop torturing myself about what she might look like. At least I know.

The thing I don't understand is why he is behaving so uber-confident? Why lie to me? Why be so damn cocky when driving off, yelling and wheel-spinning?

What's in it for him? What am I missing?

He's made a bit of a twat of himself, hasn't he.....

Is the OW a teenage girl who might be impressed with his behaviour? Otherwise, can't see why he is acting like this, not doing himself any favours is he.

Agree, well rid!

because he is a stupid cunt to all of your questions x

He's messed it up, yes, but he really does have every right to involve his ow. And the next one he has. And the next. Course it's not right, but nothing any court can do about it

why did you say 'see you in court' ?

Ooh, MrsDOH beat me to it by six minutes!

great minds an all that, seriously though...

he is a massive cunt. nuff said!!

He is a cunt and then some.

I pity his plain Jane "partner".

Ilove Tiffany - why does he have the right to involve the OW? Why? He doesn't. At all.

ilove perhaps he might if he had been seeing this ow for longer than five mins, he is obviously reliving his youth, what a spineless attention seeking, small minded egotistical prick he is, well rid of pleasure, well rid of

And I said "I'd see him in court" because I am outraged at his lying and his sheer audacity.

He keeps sending me texts from OW's phone asking me to phone him. when I did for the fourth time I told him that he had to sort out some credit for his phone. He replied that his rent was due on his caravan and that would take all of the next two paychecks. He then told me that I was not encouraging the children enough to keep contact with him.

WFT?? I speak about him in lovely terms to the children. I say "Oh, you must tell daddy about that...". I do encourage them to ring, but IT IS HIS JOB TO MAINTAIN THE RELATIONSHIP. He had not called them for over two weeks.

I am the children's mother. He is not paying a bean towards them. I have chucked my career out of the window (am social worker) to work part-time in a shop as it is school hours. I am surviving on minimum wage for 25 hours plus tax credits. I am paying the mortgage by myself. I am meeting all of my children's needs, carrying on as normal.

I am astounded by the choices he is making and I am distraught that this "lovely man who turned into a complete wanker" is going to be in my life for ever.

I know you're really angry, pr, and understandably so. He's being an inconsiderate, selfish twat (and I pity his girlfriend). But he hasn't broken any laws. He's as free to get up your nose, as you are to parade outside his house in a shocking pink teddy-bear outfit. Vent. Fume. Go into the garden and throw old crockery at the wall.

The law has nothing to do with it. But YOU will overcome this by becoming infinitely happier, better-adjusted and more fulfilled than he can even imagine.

he can see who he likes during his access time....no court will prevent it unless there are welfare issues. its the way it is. he has no control over who you introduce to your dc either.....childminders,boyfriends,whatever. there is no law against this

just pointing this out to you,not saying i agree with what he's done,but really,its how he is. pick yourr battles,there will be bigger ones ahead. his lies wont be given much attention in the courtroom.

i do exactly the same pleasure, but as i keep telling myself when my ds is older i will be able to hold my hands up and say that i tried everything and I will be the one who reaps the benefits, its only been a short time since you split you are still in mourning for the loss of your relationship, give it time love, oh and i stand by the he is a cunt line x

LOL Grace!

Yes, I will overcome this. But right now I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. I keep telling myself that I am so lucky to have two gorgeous DC and a future that does not involve H. And I should feel thankful for that.

I know that H is running around trying to rediscover his youth. Oh, there was a quote that Dignified wrote on a recent thread that was something about "'twil all come crashing down when he gets tired of microwave meals for one and wanking all day long". She put it a lot more eloquently though.

I am the children's mother. I am their "constant". That will not change. I need to remember that.