Signs your long-term relationship is petering out

[Tesla]

If your partner of 8 years lives many miles away and when he comes to visit stays a week or so, but ignores you most of the time, does not wish to go out anywhere with you and now claims he can't sleep in the same bed with you because he's become allergic to the perfume you're wearing -when you don't wear any - and also responds to the question, "Are we still a couple or not?" with either, "I refuse to answer that/ I don't want you to know", also does not phone you, takes days to respond to text messages and then only brief/succinct, emails only in response and then never,ever, ever signs off with any sentiments such as miss you, love you, etc. Never sends birthday, Valentine, Christmas cards or presents, claims to be too busy to stay at Christmas, and can't afford to drive down to see you because he's skint, or when he does visit, it might be very irregular such as for a week, then nothing for 6 months, then another few days, then nothing for a couple of months, and you never know when he'll next visit nor will he commit to any kind of regular visits,...

does it means he's just not that into you anymore, his love long since faded, and you're just hanging on out of stupidity? Should you just bear the heartbreak and dump him and find a new man who actually wants to be with you, love you and cherish you?
especially if there's young kdis involved?

I've tried every measure going to keep communication alive in this long-distance relationship and pine for him when he's not here but can hardly bear the anxiety anymore of never knowing when he'll next visit. I'm utterly in love and always have been, so how can I get him to communicate with me and reassure me he still loves and wants me, depite the distance.

I've asked for an occassional "Hang in there, I know you miss me, I'll see you soon" but he refuses to give me even that tiny morsel of reassurance

I'm slowly becoming heartbroken, I feel like the most important relationship in my life is slipping into history.

What, after accussing me of being a suicidal potential child abuser Im now a troll too. great thanks, knew I should have left several posts ago, must be the time of night - is it nearly wine o' clock? !

By the way, Asperger's doesn't have to be a disability, and it isn't an insult, it's just a different way of understanding things. People with Asperger's are frequently very very intelligent but can find themselves a little bit baffled by other people's motivations and behavior, and sometimes the things they say.

Perhaps this is what your children's father means when he says you have Asperger's - that you are naive and trusting with what other people say?

yes goingpostal there are some good bits otherwise I wouldnt 'hang in here '!!

colditz, ok that sounds better, I thought he was saying it as an insult judging by the Wiki link he sent me, 80% of which sounded nothing like me !

They aren't even fuckbuddies though because he can't stand her touching him.

This thread reminds me of desolate.

Do think very hard about whether or not you want to take control of your life now. He;'s not promoting a relationship with you so if I were you I'd stop promoting a relationship with him. This means no calling him or texting him, or accomodating him at your house. He has his own house. He can take his children to his house in his car if he wants to. Otherwise he can visit them and take them out near to you.

Please don't let him use your house like a hotel.

You've had a clear response to your original question, Tesla, maybe you should take some time to think it over in peace and quiet. If you decide you want to clarify the situation - make it clear that he's no longer your partner and, for example as colditz suggested "to offer him the chance to collect his children every other Friday evening and return them on the Sunday that follows it. Collect your CSA money", then hopefully you can come back and can get some useful advice from people on here.

Remember, just because you love him, that doesn't mean the relationship has a future - it needs to be a two-sided thing! Good luck.

xpost - do you mean Desolate?

sorry xposted again, god im slow tonight.

Yep, Desolate and neil.

The dp taking ow to a hotel thread.

I don't know why you think you're having a relationship with him tbh.

I suggest we all leave the OP to it.

If what Eleanor says is correct, then she doesnt deserve the time of day.... she sounds like the one with ishoos (not denying the fact that the bloke may be a complete prick too) and needs help.

MN can only do so much and if we have already done that once, and she has gone back, then its her look out!

Sorry, my kids are driving me farking mental tonight and I cant be arsed with 100 posters giving advice for it to be ignored.

Tesla,

Having read through your posts, I just want to remind you that you have only 1 life. please waste no more of this precious time or energy on someone her has never deserved it. Hold onto your children and then move onto the next, new part of your life as lone parent. It is what you have been doing whilst pining for this man.

Being on your own is far easier that neing alone in a relationship where only you are taking part.

Take care

I think there may be some truth in the Aspergers, although nobody can diagnose you online. You seem to have a problem with deciphering other people's replies and your children's father's emotional responses, while being fiercely loyal yourself.

To a certain extent, loving somebody is a decision that you make. If you look at it that way, can you start to detach yourself?

You can do better than this and you deserve better. You may love this man but he doesn't love you back.

Concentrate on his relationship with your kids and make him sleep on the sofa while he visits.

Find yourself a new relationship where you can feel respected and valued.

Actually Tesla, Aspergers is a condition on the autistic spectrum, and I have it, so it's in no way implying anything bad about you. For what it's worth I have no idea who you are and whether or not you have posted before, I am trying to take your situation at face value and I don't understand why people would accuse you of self harm or anything like that either.

Please don't think I am attacking you or attempting to diagnose you, but I am trying to help.

I will perhaps let you get on with it now and have a proper read through, and draw your own conclusions. I am on your side.

Oh for goodness' sake, not the calpol person.

It does sound similar. I just don't know how to get through to her. It makes me MISERABLE.

Tesla - one or two posters have been somewhat out of order in their judgement of you.

The vast majority of posters have been nothing more (or less) than outraged on your behalf.

Please focus on those and ignore the extremists.

I don't care what lable anyone wants to slap on you, or whether or not you've posted before under a different name.

But I do know that your boyfriend doesn't love you or respect you, and that he's a useless partner and father. It's not worth your while. Let it go and live your life.

We can't all be fucking mystic can we?!!

Eleanor, this isn't mm surely?
small m small m?